Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Relationships -> Guests
How long take to respond to Shabbos invite?
Previous  1  2  3



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
Ivory


 

Post Tue, Nov 02 2021, 1:31 am
Who are these people getting so many offers that this is why they need another few days?
Besides my parents and in laws I don't think we ever got invited anywhere.
Most people don't respect so early in the week because they have many responsibilities and can't think so far ahead.


Last edited by amother on Mon, Dec 20 2021, 4:10 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top

Elfrida




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 02 2021, 7:04 am
This thread has been reminding me of all the threads about Purim that appeared right after Sukkot. Some people thought that kind of advance planning was great, and others couldn't contemplate planning for Purim before Chanukah.

With Shabbos some people want to have plans in place as early as possible, and others don't really begin to think about plans until at least Tuesday. Unless it's a big event, the latter group just can't relate to Shabbos plans at the beginning of the week.

Thinking back to when I was single a d went out most weeks, I didn't really want to get invitations on Sunday. I wanted to see how the week developed before making matching Shabbos plans. If it was an exhausting week, I didn't want to find myself committed to going to a very high energy family when I wanted to be quiet. If it was a hard week, I'd want to go to a supportive family. Sometimes I would choose to spend Shabbos alone. But I wouldn't know any of that at the beginning of the week. By the middle of the week I could normally get a sense of how to spend Shabbos that week. It wasn't waiting for a better option. It was seeing what kind of Shabbos would best fit that week.
Back to top

amother
Charcoal


 

Post Tue, Nov 02 2021, 11:13 am
In summary, some hosts need to know earlier in the week, whether its to invite someone else instead, or just they work full-time and need to be really organized. Other hosts are more flexible and don't mind knowing later in the week.
Some guests don't like making plans early in the week, whether illness, personal reasons or other, whilst others do.
Basically, know the type of person you are and know what you can work with. If as a host you need to know by x day/time, then tell them that. If as a guest, you will only know later in the week, tell the host that and offer for it to be another week if that's not okay.
Back to top

amother
Ginger


 

Post Tue, Nov 02 2021, 11:24 am
zaq wrote:
Because I have years and years of experience being at the receiving end of this, and my Momma didn't raise no fools. If it were once in a blue moon the dlkz would work, but it happens all. the. time. They will NEVER commit themselves earlier than Thursday night and often not till Friday morning.

BTW, my niece, who is an entire generation younger than I am, is equally disgusted by this behavior.

I have a theory about why certain singles have a hard time getting married: it's all of a piece with being terminally incapable of committing to a Shabbat meal invitation. It's FOMO. They have so many possibilities laid out before them that they become incapable of committing to just one. If I choose A I'll miss out on B-Z, if I accept Zaq's invite to Shabbat lunch this week, what'll happen if some new people to the shul make a really super potluck lunch and I'll have to miss it? Yeah, this guy/girl I went out with is very sweet, but why should I tie myself down to him/her when there are so many others out there who are better off, smarter, better looking, better dressed, more sophisticated, more talented, more upwardly mobile, etc.etc.etc.


Yeah....hate to be a cynic but kinda have to agree here. We little in an area with *many* singles and "older" singles and the ones who take forever to reply or cancel last minute get dumped off our invite list (though we are pretty tolerant so we give lots chances lol) . And it's always fomo.

Just last Thursday night (!) A girl called to cancel because she said she decided at the last minute to go to a singles Friday night event. (OK rude, but I can also understand).

Anyhow motzai shabbos she leaves me a voice note that the event was a bust and she wishes she had come to us. Lol.
Back to top

amother
Ginger


 

Post Tue, Nov 02 2021, 11:31 am
Elfrida wrote:

Thinking back to when I was single a d went out most weeks, I didn't really want to get invitations on Sunday. I wanted to see how the week developed before making matching Shabbos plans. If it was an exhausting week, I didn't want to find myself committed to going to a very high energy family when I wanted to be quiet. If it was a hard week, I'd want to go to a supportive family. Sometimes I would choose to spend Shabbos alone. But I wouldn't know any of that at the beginning of the week. By the middle of the week I could normally get a sense of how to spend Shabbos that week. It wasn't waiting for a better option. It was seeing what kind of Shabbos would best fit that week.


All true but think about it from the hosts perspective. (And yes, I was an alone single too..)

By Monday, latest Tuesday, we need to plan shabbos. First of all, we live on the uws so groceries are ordered and delivered (no freezer space) and secondly, it's a very small apartment. We can have maximum 6 people. So if someone can't come we need to know so we can invite someone else. And if it's not a good week for anyone, we need to know we don't place an order, etc.
Back to top

amother
Hotpink


 

Post Tue, Nov 02 2021, 1:34 pm
There are no easy solutions.
I live OOT and we used to host a lot.
Sometimes I would remember by Monday and Tuesday to invite someone, but sometimes it didn't happen until Thursday.
So that family was not a B list invite- just that the host (me) is a bit of a last minute person. If it's good for you to join us, great! If not, not. No harm done.

In general, some people are just more chilled about invitations and some are more uptight/organized.

There's a certain family that invites us every year, and it's always like 2-3 weeks in advance. She is super organized and has a really beautiful Shabbos meal. I know she is like that so I try to give her a prompt reply.

Me on the other hand..I make lots of food and my shabbos meals are nice, but it seriously doesn't matter If I have 4 last minute guests. Sometimes, like this week, my husband came home with 2 unexpected guests for Shabbos lunch. We just set two extra plates and it's all good. I always make a lot of food and we eat leftovers on Sunday (Sometimes Monday.)

I do feel for those Type A hosts. I totally get how it must be very frustrating for you. Hosting in general is not always easy but it's a big mitzva and often very appreciated. If it really bugs you, you can avoid inviting those guests that don't respect your time frame. (Just realize that they don't mean it in a bad way. It may just be their personality.)
Back to top
Page 3 of 3 Previous  1  2  3 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Relationships -> Guests

Related Topics Replies Last Post
What's the latest you would go away for Shabbos if invited
by amother
12 Today at 10:31 am View last post
Shabbos pants for elementary boys
by amother
11 Today at 7:30 am View last post
Kids shabbos shoes affordable. Let's make a list!
by amother
63 Yesterday at 10:17 pm View last post
Last minute opportunity for a Shabbos getaway
by amother
5 Yesterday at 7:14 pm View last post
Amazon shabbos top
by amother
5 Yesterday at 5:04 pm View last post