Bar mitzvah gift..do I need to reciprocate?

amother

Wed, Nov 24 2021, 7:44 pm

I have a friend who gave my son a nice monetary gift..the whole family attended the sit down dinner. My friend is making a BM kiddush and I'd like to gift a gift..usually I try to match it but this was much more than I would ever give for a BM..is it wrong not to match it?

notshanarishona

Wed, Nov 24 2021, 7:52 pm

I don’t think you have to match as long as you give a respectful gift

zaq

Wed, Nov 24 2021, 8:04 pm

You need not match but you do have to give something nice. Some people adjust the gift to the lavishness of the party or how many of their family attend, as if they're paying for an evening's entertainment. While logical to a degree, this reasoning is rather unfair to the boy, who has nothing to do with those arrangements, and means that a boy from a poor family is bound to get less than one from a rich one.

Basically, you should give a gift that is within your means and that you feel is appropriate, without consideration for how much or how little the parents spent on the affair.