Tantrums in Public

ChassidishMommy

Wed, Nov 24 2021, 12:23 pm

Wow, I had to quickly scroll down to OP's posts to make sure she was talking about herself and not a scene she witnessed. I had the EXACT scenario yesterday, with my son crying and dragging his coat while I was walking alongside him.
When I see a mother reacting calmly to a public tantrum, I'm in awe.
I just want to add that if you're in places like a store or doctor's office, you need to take other people into consideration. Maybe take out the child together with you for a calm down break.

ShishKabob

Wed, Nov 24 2021, 12:27 pm

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

I think to myself I feel bad for this mom I know exactly what she is going through because it happens to me all the time

This, I have no negative thoughts about the mother at all.

amother

Whitewash

Wed, Nov 24 2021, 12:32 pm

I've been in that situation way too many times so theres no judgement from me... I feel bad for the mom but know that she did nothing wrong and is probably a great mom!

FranticFrummie

Wed, Nov 24 2021, 7:07 pm

When I was younger, I used to roll my eyes and judge (in my head, not out loud.)

Then I got to know moms with special needs kids. I take back every negative thought I ever had.

Now when I see a meltdown, I just assume that the mom knows that paying too much attention to the child will only make things worse. Better to calmly wait it out.

Sometimes I'll quietly ask the mom if there is anything I can do to help. The moms always say no, but they also look very grateful that I asked.

amother

Wed, Nov 24 2021, 7:54 pm

Thanks guys! My super tall 5 yo child had a very public meltdown over stickers. I needed to get one thing from the store and although it was already dark it was only 5:30.

I learned that just ignoring the behavior, not the child!, and quietly repeating myself every few minutes is the only way to snap them out of it. It took 40 minutes from start to finish 😱 but as soon as they snapped out of it they completely forgot what happened.

I wanted to know how people perceive it and whether they judge.

amother

Wed, Nov 24 2021, 7:58 pm

I actually learned a very important life lesson from this child. Once during a tantrum I asked them whether they ever got what they wanted by crying for it. They said "No, but maybe this time it'll work"
And I remembered what I learned about Moshe Rabbeinu, that had he davened one more tefilla he would have merited to enter Eretz Yisroel, we have to keep asking because maybe this time it'll work.

amother

Banana

Wed, Nov 24 2021, 8:09 pm

thesoundofmusic wrote:

chidren have tantrums when they are hungry, thirsty, tired or over stimulated.

fwiw, I'm prone to tantrums if I'm any of these things, and a kid has a lot less practice than me for coping

Amarante

Wed, Nov 24 2021, 8:48 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Do you know how Dr. Spock's kids turned out? (from what I heard - not that great.)
.

He had two sons and both of them led productive lives. This is a myth promulgated by people attempting to discredit his child raising techniques. One was the head of Boston Childrens Museum ajd the other owned a successful construction company.

One also has to understand that his advice was over simplified by people who didn’t actually read the books.

He did have a grandson who was schizophrenic but that is a condition which has nothing to do with how a child is raised but most people in the field consider it to be a biological condition

LovesHashem

Thu, Nov 25 2021, 3:26 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Even if some do judge - who cares. Parenting your child properly, making sure they feel loved and cared for, and not blowing up, dragging your kid, yelling - is the most important thing.

I clearly remember someone on a different thread saying that if their kid has a tantrum in public they would tell strangers it was their niece, or a child they were watching and not their child. Sad

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, Nov 25 2021, 9:42 am

thesoundofmusic wrote:

I always think of what dr. spock says in his book:
chidren have tantrums when they are hungry, thirsty, tired or over stimulated.
I dont judge when someone elses kid is having a tantrum but sometimes I feel sad when I see a mom taking her kid shoppping (not taking about an emergancy) at 7:30 and the kid is insaney exahusted, and over stimuated at the store.
seriousy if you want to avoid your own kids tantrums- take two minutes to plan your day efficianty- no running out at the ast second int he evening to buy dinner fixings, and shopping for clothes at 8:00 at night. it doesnt solve the problem compeaty but sure does cut out tons of tantrums.
aso- dont stay at chanukah parties til your kids are osing it- plan them a bit earlier, and eave at a norma time, or bring pjs so they can shower by bubby and be ready and melow....
(yes I do work ful time and have ots of kids bliayh- who are super intense:))

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