Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children
Children to great grandparent's levaya?



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
OP


 

Post Sat, Nov 27 2021, 7:20 pm
My grandparent passed away on shabbos. At what age could/should children attend the levaya? I'm definitely planning to leave 8yr old and down with a babysitter. I feel like my 14yr old will want to go and will be ok with it.
I'm not sure about almost 11yr old dd. What should I do?
Back to top

Ema of 5




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 27 2021, 7:24 pm
I’m sorry for your loss :-(
It really depends on the kid. Also their relationship with your grandparent. I took my 9 year old to my grandfathers levaya, but he was close with him. (I took my 4 year old also, because I didn’t have anywhere to leave him. It was an airport levaya, so he was off to the side, not by the actual levaya.) I didn’t take my 7 year old. I didn’t want to take her to my fathers levaya either, because it would be too much for her, but we ended up taking all the kids.
Back to top

amother
Indigo


 

Post Sat, Nov 27 2021, 7:25 pm
I would probably take 10 and up.
Back to top

Elfrida




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 27 2021, 7:26 pm
Ask her. If she does want to come, try to arrange for an adult she knows well to be there to look after her (and the fourteen year old). You may be too involved/occupied to spend time with them, and they need some e else to look after them, or take them out if the decide its too much.

After the levaya, make sure you talk to them about it.
Back to top

amother
Electricblue


 

Post Sat, Nov 27 2021, 7:57 pm
I was 8 at one and 10 at another.
I distinctly remember not attending another at 10 as well (as it was a graveside) and I was really sad to have missed it.
Back to top

HonesttoGod




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 27 2021, 8:32 pm
Ask her. It would depend a lot on her relationship with said grandparent.
Back to top

amother
Narcissus


 

Post Sat, Nov 27 2021, 8:42 pm
amother [ Electricblue ] wrote:
I was 8 at one and 10 at another.
I distinctly remember not attending another at 10 as well (as it was a graveside) and I was really sad to have missed it.


Same.
I was 9 at my grandfathers levaya and I felt so horrible that I was babysat as if I didn’t also have a loss and didn’t need to mourn with all the adults. 30 yrs later and I’m still bitter about not being able to process his passing properly. Id even rethink the 8 year old unless there are extenuating circumstances like extreme behavior issues etc.
Back to top

amother
Gray


 

Post Sat, Nov 27 2021, 9:06 pm
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I think you should give the 14 year old the choice. Explain what it will be like and what to expect and it's up to them. I definitely think going to the cemetery is not a good idea.
By my gradmothers levaya there was a zoom option and my 10 and 12 year olds decided to stay home and watch on zoom.
My 13 year old nephew did go and had a very hard time. He said he's happy he went but it was hard for him.
Back to top

small bean




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 27 2021, 9:13 pm
Ive given my kids choices and usually those over 10 wanted to go and those under did not.

By my grandmother though there was not time to make arrangements so I took everyone. I dont think anyone was scarred.
Back to top

amother
Papaya


 

Post Sat, Nov 27 2021, 9:15 pm
I was 9 when my grandfather passed away. My parents took me to the levaya but not to the cemetery. I think they made the right choice.

I knew my grandfather well and it helped give me some closure. I appreciated hearing people talk about him. It was a bit hard hearing my father cry, but I saw that at home to when he heard the news so the levaya didn't really add to that. I would have been upset to be left at home with my younger siblings.

I'm glad they didn't take me to the cemetery though, I think that would have been to much for me.

At the same time you need to know your child if they are more sensitive or not...
Back to top
Page 1 of 1 Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Questions for published children books authors
by amother
1 Today at 2:46 am View last post
How to teach children not to talk to strangers
by amother
4 Yesterday at 3:49 pm View last post
S/O stuck with bill-great ideas! 0 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 11:43 pm View last post
Please don't bring babies or young children to megillah
by dena613
166 Mon, Mar 25 2024, 5:43 pm View last post
Any awesome instagram accts for moms of autistic children?
by amother
5 Thu, Mar 21 2024, 1:26 pm View last post