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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
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amother
OP
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 Sun, Nov 28 2021, 3:00 pm
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What is the social norm for giving a nephew a bar mitzvah gift in Lakewood. The last time I gave a nephew from a different family $50 plus a kiddush platter. Now I was told it might be too low. I asked three friends from different cultural backgrounds. One said I must give at least $100 because it costs a lot per plate because we are bringing the family. The second friend said she thinks the gift is for the boy so you don't need to give too much. A third said you give what you can afford or you can buy a gift so they don't know how much it cost. One problem I have with giving 100 is that they have a bas mitzvah coming up and it's definitely way above the norm for bas mitzvah gifts. My daughter was given by aunts gifts definitely under $50. I don't feel right giving much less for a bas mitzvah than a bar mitzvah. Would like to hear what is done in Lakewood or similar not wealthy communities. Thank you.
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sweet
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Mon, Nov 29 2021, 9:04 am
All the aunts chip in together in my family.
From both sides.
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amother
Ebony
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Mon, Nov 29 2021, 9:12 am
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You’re buying the boy a gift , not paying for your place settings. I think a gift in the $50 range is perfectly ok, like a set of seforim . If you’re giving a check then $100 is nicer but that’s why a gift is easier . I live in Lkwd
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amother
Obsidian
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Mon, Nov 29 2021, 10:22 am
This is very family and neighborhood specific.
In our family we all chip in $20 toward gift of sefarim.
Send something home made for kiddush.
If joining for entire Shabbos may offer to cook something.
My son got very few expensive gifts.
But we are old simple lakewood.
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amother
OP
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Mon, Nov 29 2021, 12:46 pm
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Thank you. I feel much better now! I felt so cheap after talking to this neighbor, but shes from a different background and just moved here. We and my brother live simply. My family is small so we don't chip in.
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