Itsalearninglife on Instagram

1ofbillions

Sun, Dec 19 2021, 1:00 pm

cupcake123 wrote:

What did she say? When I had Instagram I used to enjoy her posts

The hardest choices are not the ones
between right and wrong. I'm not even sure
deciding between two wrongs, the lesser of
two evils, is the most challenging. To me, the
hardest choices are the ones that demand
you to distinguish between two rights, two
positives that pull you, especially when those
"rights" also have downsides as almost
everything does. I've been grappling with
this dichotomy surrounding social media
specifically far longer than the last 3 1/2
years, the current lifespan of this page. The
last month has been dedicated to creating
space and quiet in order for me to fully hear
what I'm trying to tell myself about how I
navigate this space moving forward.

I have serious reservations about social media,
Instagram specifically. I always have. In fact one of
my earliest (now archived) posts elaborated on my
confusion. And it was from that place of grappling
that I interacted within this space. Honestly, it
helped keep me boundaried. For the most part.
Because I'm human. And while many have shared
with me that they are sooo disciplined and never use
Instagram beyond their set limits and they're totally
in control, those statement have always left me
fecling two things; disbelief (in like, I genuinely don't
totally believe you but I believe that you believe
yourself) and shame. Because it's not like that for me. I DO get sucked in. Even opening this app now
sparks trepidation! And when something I share
sparks a conversation I DO find it hard to put my
phone away because behind every message is a
person and you absolutely deserve my attention. And I don't think it's totally a bad things because it means that I'm genuinely invested in this space. As much as it's a passion project and not a job I don't treat it, nor the responsibility that comes with it, lightly.

Only that dedication came at a price.
Not only my personal distraction
from who is right in front of me (hi
husband. kids and students!.
distraction from my own self.
It was getting hard to hear myself.
This space created so much noise in
my life. Even when I wasn't on it, I
was thinking about it. Not
constantly. But enough. And some of
it was good noise! Thought
provoking and idea prodding noise
that in many ways I will miss. Which
makes this all the more challenging.

I am going to leave this page up, as is.
So that those of you who enjoyed my
posts can reference them. For now this
page will remain private, I will
periodically hop on to accept requests
(if like, it's an actual name??).
I also hope to brainstorm other ways to
share Torah ideas with all of you.
A newsletter perhaps? A website?
Much is still undecided.
Unknown.

But in the last month one truth has
become more and more clear to me.
"It's time"
", whispered my inner
voice, growing louder and more
certain over the last month. I'm not
even exactly sure what it's time for.
Time to move on, time to make
space, time to contribute in a
different way. As a teacher, I'm so
used to the formation of ideas being
valuable by virtue of the fact that I
share them. I mean, what are they
for if not for sharing and inspiring?
It's the educator's equivalent of the
"if a tree falls in a forest"
quandary.
And I still believe they're for
sharing. But perhaps not in this way,
not in this space. Not now.

I cannot conclude this without thanking each
and every one of you, despite the cliche alarm
blaring in my mind. This page would be
nothing if not for your support. By engaging
and forwarding end even just silently reading
without even clicking like, yes even YOU silent
follower who thinks they don't matter, you have
supported me. A support is not less than the
main part although the film industry might
have us believe it is awards for supporting role
always sounded like a consolation prize to me).
Supports are what hold people and things UP,
without them there is no visibility or viability,
no foundation. Supportive does not mean
secondary and the absolute number one thing I
will miss is your support. It's more than
accolades and ego boosts, you gave me a gift in
allowing this space, which cultivated my voice
in so many ways, to exist. My gratitude to you
runs deep even if I don't know your name
(although I think you made eye contact with
me at American dream over Chanuka
63)

a Torah though because it's the only way I
know how to conclude just about anything.
Dovid Hamelech in Tehillim tells us; קוה אל ה׳ חזק ואמץ לבך קווה אל ה׳
Hope toward Hashem, in essence put all of
your hopes and dreams in His hands. Fortify
and strengthen your hearts. And hope to
Hashem. This is the recipe for success in any
endeavor. Put your faith in him. Then cultivate
deep faith in yourself and strengthen your own
sense of self, or perhaps putting your faith in
Him is what cultivates your faith in yourself (a
thought that occurred to me just now as I
write this). But don't stop there. Once again
turn to Him. And again. And again. Faith in
Him. Faith in ourselves. Faith in Him again.
This is an idea that has carried me through
some of the most wrenching decisions of my
life and guided my choosing more times than I
can count. And I leave you with this; a thought
and a blessing. Believe in Him. Believe in
yourself. Believe in Him. And again. And again.