Support group needed for moms of twins

amother

Brass

Wed, Dec 01 2021, 10:05 pm

I can’t give you any leads but just want to wish you well. How old are your twinsicles ? I’ve been there and it was the hardest thing I ever lived through. The good news is that it eventually gets easier. By the age of three-ish they’re not all that much harder than, say, a two-year-old and a three-year-old.

My motto was “this, too, shall pass.” When you’re in it time drags but afterwards you wonder where the time went.

Be kind to yourself. I don’t mean just getting a manicure if that turns you on (I ‘d almost rather have root canal) but mentally. Cut yourself some slack. Make that a lot of slack. By simply surviving and not committing any felonies you’re Supermom. Refuse to compare yourself to other moms; there’s no comparison.

Right now you’re in survival mode. That means no frills, only the basics. Cultivate minimalism. Daily baths not necessary:just keep faces, hands and diaper area clean. Fancy meals not necessary. Matching clothing not necessary. Special outfits for day and night not necessary. IMHO special outfits for special occasions not necessary. Let them wear nothing but stretchies until they outgrow the largest stretchies available. After that who cares if their tops and bottoms don’t match? It won’t affect their acceptance to school or their shidduchim.

If either or both are girls, do yourself and them a favor and cut their hair short at least till they start school or later. The time you save will be your own and the pain you save will be theirs. If your family doesn’t have the minhag of growing a boy’s hair till age three, don’t start.

This will sound counterintuitive, but have less of every, not more. You don’t need two of everything. Especially not toys. If you own a washer you can have less clothing and launder more often. It’s not more work, it’s just redistributed. And less clothing and fewer toys means less clutter and more space.

If you’re nursing or even if you’re not, there will be times you feel that your body is “touched out” and you don’t want anyone to touch so much as your pinkie fingernail. Your feelings are 100% normal. You need some time to be yourself, by yourself, and feel like a person, not an all-night diner.

Even if you feel guilty leaving your babies, try to get in some “me” time now and then, out of the house if possible, while someone else watches the kids. Or have someone else take them out while you stay home and nap or indulge in whatever restores your soul.

I wanted to give you some chizxuk, not teach you “How to Survive Twin Parenting” al regel achat. But to give you some perspective, a mother of older twins asked me when my twins were about 8 weeks old if I managed to brush my teeth that day. When I said yes, she said, “Then you’re doing great.” Notice she didn’t ask if I brushed my hair or got dressed, just if I brushed my teeth. Survival basics iow.

Hang in there. It takes time but it does get easier. And then you start to have fun.