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Forum -> Parenting our children
6 yo needs help in expressing anger



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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Dec 01 2021, 8:27 pm
He lost his prize and came in yelling where’s my prize? Pulling the entire tablecloth with all its contents off the table. Yesterday he got upset about something else and threw down all chairs. He wasn’t like this always. I try telling myself that just like a newborn baby will shriek when hungry because he can’t talk, this kid doesn’t know how to talk either. Please help me teach him how to express himself the right way, before I lose it.
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amother
Snowflake


 

Post Thu, Dec 02 2021, 3:08 am
I have the same with a 7 year old, and when I hear about teenagers who still do this (and worse!) I really worry. Mine actually doesn't destroy things, but he does hit and kick and go on and on...
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amother
Clear


 

Post Thu, Dec 02 2021, 4:15 am
im in the same boat, I'm scared it will only get worse
he is the sweetest and most funny personality
any tips on how to start?
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 02 2021, 4:26 am
There's a short term thought, and a long term thought.

In the short term, when a kid is all upset, he needs to know his feelings matter. There's usually a tiny window when he storms in, "where's my prize", and you have to be ready to recognize he's right on the edge, and jump in dramatically with a blast of full-on attention. "Oh, NO! You poor kid, let me hear all about it, and help you!". You can then follow up with, "Here's a snack and a timer, I just need one more minute to finish, so I can help you properly", and then prepare to help him.

In the longer term, it's worthwhile to pay attention to the details of behavior. Right now, many kids (and adults) are dealing with changes in diet, bedtime, and routine that can be hard. Try to note the details of when the behavior happened, and think about possible causes. If you can't figure it out yourself, it's worth looking further, with the help of a doctor or other psychological professional.

Ross Green's The Explosive Child is a helpful read. So is The Nurtured Heart Approach.
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amother
Plum


 

Post Thu, Dec 02 2021, 4:38 am
Especially because you said he wasn’t always like this, I would check for strep and pandas with a dr who is really familiar with diagnosing and treating neuroimmune disorders. My child’s pandas started off with these kinds of rages. Treating brain inflammation and supporting the nervous system with high quality nutrition did more for emotional regulation here than any amount of books or therapy ever could.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Dec 02 2021, 5:25 am
amother [ Plum ] wrote:
Especially because you said he wasn’t always like this, I would check for strep and pandas with a dr who is really familiar with diagnosing and treating neuroimmune disorders. My child’s pandas started off with these kinds of rages. Treating brain inflammation and supporting the nervous system with high quality nutrition did more for emotional regulation here than any amount of books or therapy ever could.

How? And how do I check for pandas? Reg checkup with pediatrician? This is going on ever since he was away when I gave birth
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amother
Cobalt


 

Post Thu, Dec 02 2021, 6:14 am
My son was like this and here are the two things that saved us:

1. Nurtured Heart Approach - works magic with these types of behaviors

2. Buy a pack of little carnival prizes (I got mine from Amazon) and put them in a fancy box or jar. Label it the "gibor box". Tell your child that any time he is feeling really upset, but he comes and tells you about it instead of hurting people or destroying things, he gets a prize, and then when he does it, praise him to the skies for being a gibor and controlling himself. The first few times, you will have to preempt it - as soon as you see him beginning to get upset, you say "wow, look at Shimmy, Avi took his toy and that made him feel so mad but instead of hitting him, he's going to stay calm and earn a gibor prize." Reminding them of the prize in the moment helps them quickly calm down and after while if you keep reinforcing this, it rewires their brain not to act out when they're upset.

Hatzlacha!!
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Oldest




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 02 2021, 7:12 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
How? And how do I check for pandas? Reg checkup with pediatrician? This is going on ever since he was away when I gave birth


How long ago did you give birth? This sounds like a normal response from a kid who just expereinced a huge change..
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Dec 02 2021, 7:18 am
amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:
My son was like this and here are the two things that saved us:

1. Nurtured Heart Approach - works magic with these types of behaviors

2. Buy a pack of little carnival prizes (I got mine from Amazon) and put them in a fancy box or jar. Label it the "gibor box". Tell your child that any time he is feeling really upset, but he comes and tells you about it instead of hurting people or destroying things, he gets a prize, and then when he does it, praise him to the skies for being a gibor and controlling himself. The first few times, you will have to preempt it - as soon as you see him beginning to get upset, you say "wow, look at Shimmy, Avi took his toy and that made him feel so mad but instead of hitting him, he's going to stay calm and earn a gibor prize." Reminding them of the prize in the moment helps them quickly calm down and after while if you keep reinforcing this, it rewires their brain not to act out when they're upset.

Hatzlacha!!

Wow thank you for taking the time. I like the prize box idea. Can see him liking the idea as well.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Dec 02 2021, 7:19 am
Oldest wrote:
How long ago did you give birth? This sounds like a normal response from a kid who just expereinced a huge change..
5 weeks ago. And I don’t recall this behavior before the baby. So yeah, I’m hoping it will resolve with time iyh.
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