Chizzuk please | Imamother

seeker

Wed, Dec 01 2021, 8:14 pm

amother [ NeonOrange ] wrote:

Just be grateful every day she isn’t a boy who needs to sit in a yeshiva.
Sorry not helpful I know, but many of us struggle with sons like that and it’s just so much harder.

I dunno, it's only girls I see coming home with piles of homework from 15-20 different subjects (?!) and massive finals twice a year... I agree that yeshiva seems very demanding and I've always been some level of relieved that I didn't have to be a yeshiva boy, but I wouldn't dismiss the pressure girls are under. I see some very stressed out girls starting around 7th grade.

behappy2

Wed, Dec 01 2021, 8:16 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It's just hard to watch her go through, wishing I can make it all go away. She does have things to destress and I try not to focus on it.

I know.

Feel free to pm me if you want.

amother

Viola

Wed, Dec 01 2021, 8:33 pm

Zehava wrote:

Not necessarily. I have both genders. I get a ton of phone calls and interventions from school, and a “boys will be boys” vibe from cheder. Somehow boys are expected to be wild to a certain extent while girls are expected to be these perfectly mature little angels.

I wish my son was a girl. He’d be considered so classy and mature. As a boy he’s considered closed off and anti social. He has a crazy long day - 12 hours! He hates it! I feel so bad for him. Have no idea how he’ll survive yeshiva.

shanarishona

Wed, Dec 01 2021, 11:36 pm

I just saw on Amazon recently these alternate chairs -
Meaning they are made for the classroom, but they are kind of like hopper balls for kids who can’t sit still.
But designed to be used in class.
If you are interested, pm me for the company - I could look it up.

amother

Pink

Thu, Dec 02 2021, 2:23 am

behappy2 wrote:

Still in the middle Smile

we all know that some kids make it through and some kids are forever wounded by the system. What are you wanting to hear?

Call me young and naive, but why? Why are we putting our children through a system knowing that some kids will be forever wounded by it? Why aren't we doing better?

behappy2 wrote:

Everybody has their destiny. This is your child's. There's so much you can do to encourage her and support her. We really need to accept the lives our children have. We can't make every booboo go away. My son once told me "Mommy, I know that I'm going to have a really good life when I'm older because I already went through so much". I wish.

It doesn't gave to be the child's Destiny, don't we choose our own destiny?!

Why are we working so hard to stuff our children into little boxes?

rachelli66

Thu, Dec 02 2021, 3:55 am

If you can give her after school activities its a huge help. You need to look out of the box. Allow her to find a craft she would like to do. Music, Dancing, Gym,Baking, Photography. Allow her to take chances outside of the classroom. Hatzlocha!

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Dec 02 2021, 7:44 am

Not practical advice but validation:
R Yaakov Kamenetzky said that school is like sedom. They cut the legs off of those too tall, and stretch the ones of those too short.
The institution of the school system really isn't catered to every child so you're definitely, definitely not alone.

imasinger

Thu, Dec 02 2021, 8:08 am

As a parent of a number of out of the box kids, I find the most important thing is my attitude. If I see my kids as the problem for not "acting normal", I am not acknowledging who they are. I need to start by saying that they are normal FOR THEM, and then figure out how to help them deal with the rest of life.

Is this school the best option for DD? If so, offer sympathy and coping tools to get through the year. Since you say the school is giving her services, try communicating with whoever is in charge of SPED to see if they can help her teacher understand.

behappy2

Thu, Dec 02 2021, 8:12 am

amother [ Pink ] wrote:

It doesn't gave to be the child's Destiny, don't we choose our own destiny?!

Why are we working so hard to stuff our children into little boxes?

There are many schools and programs in different cities catering to different types of children. There are after school programs. There's a lot that parents can do to work with a school, to mitigate the effects at home, mentors etc .... I'm not trying to portray a defeatest attitude. A school is after all a system. Systems don't work for everyone. Especially systems that are catering to parents who can't pay expensive tuition for multiple children. We need to do the best we can.

professor

Thu, Dec 02 2021, 10:34 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I don’t know. I’m just feeling overwhelmed and sorry for her.

Not all kids fit in the same box. Make her feel good and celebrate her uniqueness. She will get the love and acceptance from you and be able to handle whatever the teacher throws her way.