Can't find the right tone to speak about healthy eatinn

amother

Winterberry

Sun, Dec 05 2021, 5:50 pm

octopus wrote:

I didn't mean it in a bad way , just out of curiosity I wonder if it's the same person that posts all the different types of inflammation for PANDAS and eczema.

Yeah I do post a lot about inflammation on pandas threads. I’m not the one who posted about vegetables losing nutrients when they’re cut up on this thread, but I did post about a functional, digging deeper approach to weight gain and food addictions. Not at all ashamed. It’s time we started digging deeper and stopped taking the mainstream narrative at face value when our own eyes tell us a different story.

amother

Pink

Sun, Dec 05 2021, 8:27 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I got my 12 y.o. tested by an endo and she said she has borderline BMI due to food choices.

So until now I was trying not to apply any pressure in food department on her because she is in puberty etc. and understandably a bit chubby, but now it's black on white: her physical development is mostly complete, she will maybe grow 5 more cm max so she needs to watch her diet.

I cannot find a healthy way to talk to her about it.
Like now, it is lunch time and she made herself grilled cheese. That was her breakfast too.

I had told her to have some fruit. Our house literally overflows with fruit and veggies, yoghurt, cottage cheese you name it. Nope it had to be grilled cheese.

She saw the doctor's report herself, so I don't need to persuade her. But when it boils down to healthy daily food choices, she just doesn't make them.

What do I do? Do I take her to a psychologist? Do
I take her to a nutritionist? Do I go to these people myself to learn how to talk to her or instill healthy food habits in her?

I don't want to mess it up and give her an eating disorder or bad body image long term.
Unfortunately we don't have an amazing relationship right now because she is PMSing and I am pregnant.

Grilled cheese isnt what’s making her fat. What else is she eating? Aren’t you the one cooking for the family? You may have to be more proactive and make sure to cook healthy nutritious food for the whole family that she’ll enjoy. Really if you have good food in the house, the only time she can be making bad choices is in school.

amother

cornflower

Sun, Dec 05 2021, 9:17 pm

OP, I think there is more of an emotional component to address here. It sounds like you are very healthy and may have some things that are difficult for children who around other kids eating chocolate or potato chips. Her eating may be a control thing or an emotional thing if she is unhappy in any way. Id work on connection with her and pull back on the "health" related things. I have alot to say, but being that this is an anonymous post on the internet I may be wrong about these things but sit with these ideas and see if they resonate as possibly true

amother

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 2:07 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I thought it was more of a convenience food for her... It is a staple in our household, I just don't want it to be every meal.

I assume the endocrinologist tested for many of these things. Some of hormonal disbalance was due to the time of the month.

The doctor noted that she might be in risk of diabetes in the future.

But my question was rather about my communication with her than about ehat exactly makes her this way.

I think lockdown that coincided with a tremendous growth spurt and puberty are at fault. She had to spend too much time learning on computer.

Looked up in the report again.
Her BMI is really on the tipping point between normal weight and overweight.

She has a genetical predisposition to atherosclerosis (no surprise there, it runs in my family) so getting diabetes 2 or smoking should be avoided as further risk factors.

amother

Eggplant

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 3:25 am

Okay, look. Here's how it is. From all your posts, you seem pretty obsessed about "healthy eating". I say this as a skinny person. You give yourself credit that you made time to take your daughter to an endocrinologist for her weight when you have other children, you talk about not having junk in your house, you talk about nutrients somehow flying out the door when you cut open an apple.

SHE KNOWS. She knows she's not skinny. It's not some mystery you have to reveal to her. You had the doctor start telling her about getting a heart attack and diabetes in the way future when she's only 12 years old. In fact, deep down, she's probably eating like this to spite all the times you've told her, "Are you sure you want to eat that?" or something along those lines.

If there's one thing women know in 2021, it's that you should be skinny. So you don't have to somehow discuss healthy eating with her. Every time my mother would comment about what she was eating on her diet, and what was healthy and "on her diet", it would make me want to eat the opposite because it was in my face all the darn time.

Just leave her alone. Leave her alone and keep having healthy food options at dinner and on the table at all times, and tell her how much you love her and how beautiful she is. Period. One day, when you don't make it about your approval, she'll decide to eat the way she wants to.

It's the hardest thing, I understand where you're coming from. But you did your part, you took her to a doctor, now just be supportive and caring.

amother

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 3:41 am

amother [ Eggplant ] wrote:

Wow how many assumptions. You did read my posts selectively.

1. As I said, I didn't have any food talk with her or any other child until the doctor said loud and clear there is a problem. "All the times" I commented her choices was this Sunday when she asked me what she could eat, I said take some fruit, and she took grilled cheese. I was upset, because she ASKED ME FIRST and ignored it.

2. I don't "diet", I am a skinny person. I try to follow a food regimen for my autoimmune disease. My dh is trying to lose weight per doctor's advice too. He never says anything to the kids. I don't comment on my diet until they ask me and explain why I eat or don't eat something.

3. We have sweets in the house in free access. Kids know that we eat them on shabbos or yom tov or for parties. The same is true for soda and fruit juices. As far as I know they don't sneak them. We are not obsessed with health.

4. I didn't take her to endocrinologist for her "weight". Where did it say so? I took her there for rapid growth/early puberty.

Heyaaa

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 6:20 am

I wouldnt mention the weight but I would ask her for a list of her favorite foods. Then, at the beginning of the week and while preparing for shabbos, I would ask her to choose some to put on the menu.

I would ask her for her favorite soups and smoothies. I would freeze the fruit for the smoothie flavors in individual bags so all she has to do is add the protein powder, water and the fruit to the blender and there is a meal. Soup in the fridge ready to add to a bowl to heat up is also very helpful.

Sometimes having a list of her favorite foods helps to think outside the box.

Also you can make delicious dressings and cut up veggie sticks and pop them in the fridge for anyone to help them to when they want.

Kids like grilled cheese because it's easy. If she makes it every day then it's even easier because she doesn't have to think about it. She can grab the ingredients and the machine and the meal is made in 5 minutes, with almost no work. Use the same knowledge to have other foods available with just as little work.

amother

DarkOrange

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 6:25 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I was fully grown before I turned 12. I am the same height, shoe size (and chest size Sad

) that I was at 11 1/2

amother

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 6:38 am

amother [ DarkOrange ] wrote:

I was fully grown before I turned 12. I am the same height, shoe size (and chest size Sad

) that I was at 11 1/2

Yes.
I would like to reiterate. I just listened to the podcast with Bracha Kopstick.

We are not talking about a chubby girl whose weight will morph into height. I am fully aware of how kids' bodies work and that it is normal to put on weight around puberty.

We are talking about an almost fully developed girl with about 1 or 2 inches left to grow and a bone age of 14.

Bracha is talking about how to help kids not to obsess over weight, who are probably healthy and need their food to grow.

Believe me I would be the happiest person if the doctor told me that that was just a stage and she would outgrow it or smth.

But we are not in this situation here.

I was hoping to hear from parents who were told that their child DOES need to watch their food intake, and how they couched their child to do it without instilling an eating disorder into them.

amother

Babyblue

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 7:11 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

she asked me what she could eat, I said take some fruit, and she took grilled cheese. I was upset, because she ASKED ME FIRST and ignored it.

.

Can YOU speak to a nutritionist without her.
Maybe this can help give you ideas of meals to suggest to her and good to have in the house.

Eating a fruit for a meal (breakfast or lunch) is not a choice anyone should be making. It’s high in sugar and carbs so the person will be hungry soon after. And fruit doesn’t fill someone up at a meal. Really yogurt, fruit snd cottage cheese alone are not meals got a 12 year old.

It sounds like you are trying your best snd want the best for your daughter. But maybe you just need guidance to how to guide her food choices.

If I was hungry for a meal and asked someone what to eat and they said an Apple I would probably stake something else also. Bec that’s a snack. Not a meal.

amother

DarkOrange

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 7:17 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

By not talking about it but by having it easier to make responsible food choices. She's 12 so she doens't know how to think proactively. You can discuss her favorite food choices and make them easily accessible and available. Like have individual chia puddings in the fridge with a small container of granola to pour on top. Leave individual sized delicious overnight oats in the fridge. You make them once at the beginning of the week. Things like that. Slice apples into donuts and sprinkle on nut butter and granola and serve them to the family for breakfast or when she come home from school. Don't say you're doing any of this for her. Just do it and offer them to her and the other kids.

Make healthy delicious food be available so that it will be the go to instead of grilled cheese.

When I was about that age, I had a temper problem. I wouldn't hit but I would scream on top of my lungs. My mother would tell me, (very lovingly I should add,) that I needed to learn how to control myself. She would tell me that if I didn't learn how to control myself that it would only get worse. She was right and I knew it but she never taught me how to control myself. Now that I am an adult I am learning those skills. I wish she would have taught me what to do when I was younger because it would have been easier but she probably didn't have tips.

Same as with your daughter. She doesn't need you to diagnose nor explain the problem. She needs you to come up with solutions and she can follow them. She needs to know that you think she's gorgeous no matter what but these are helpful ideas to take care of our bodies as we age.