Give me hope | Imamother

amother

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 1:48 pm

I want to hear from those of you who were not born into money. The ones who went the traditional route and got increases in salary/switched jobs and are doing well. We have done all the right things in terms of careers etc but our salary is just OK. It is so discouraging to feel like it may be like this forever. My husband is with his job 5 years and is showing no motivation to leave and he is just seemingly so underpaid. For someone with advance degrees and TON of student debt it kills me to see my friends who work for heimishe companies exceed his salary. Please tell me your success stories!

amother

Banana

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 1:56 pm

Can't help you. I'm nearing the end of a long career in which I earned an OK living that you would probably consider pathetic. By living frugally, which never bothered me because I was brought up this way, I've stashed away a reasonable sum for retirement, assuming I continue to live frugally and stay healthy. In my book, "OK" is OK. I have a master's degree and was probably underpaid but I have lived with that and can continue to live with that. The fact that you're not rolling in dough doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong.

amother

DarkOrange

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 2:05 pm

So hard. Were in a similar situation. And student loans will start up again soon. Bh I am so grateful that my husband has a job and it mostly supports our family. Many others in my family with no degree and yes a few made it big but most are struggling to figure out a job or going from job to job.

Also 5 years is still early in a career. Can he advance? What is the degree in? Can he add a second job? Are you able to work too to tip the scale into comfortable?

amother

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 2:22 pm

amother [ DarkOrange ] wrote:

I am working as well in healthcare. He is an attorney and he has been an attorney at least 8 years now. He can advance but he really really likes his job :/ He always says he doesn't want to work somewhere where he has to put in tons of hours and is also very demanding. I really understand that. He also says he has no drive to make money cause money is evil, people are just shallow, vacations are silly, and he wants to just learn Torah etc. When I mention tuition he says well we can request a break.

Ellie7

Mon, Dec 06 2021, 4:05 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

OK, so the problem is not that you did all the right things and you're not seeing results. It's that you haven't done all the right things and/or you and your husband have different priorities.

You haven't said much about your career, so there's no way to know, but for your husband, if he wants to be more financially successful and make more money, then he has to do something about it. That might mean asking for a raise where he is now or finding another job or finding more responsibilities/a different position at his current job.

But .... it doesn't sound like he wants to be more financially successful. And that's the real problem. You and your husband either need to align your priorities or you, alone, need to figure out how to advance your career to make up the financial difference since your husband isn't going to make the move to make more money.

Zehava

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 2:09 am

Yeah well I also think money is evil and people are shallow… which is why I’m not the one bringing in the salary or we’d starve.
If he’s lacking the drive and basic motivation then that’s really the core issue here. Can you maybe ask him if he’d feel more fulfilled being a stay at home dad leaving you free to advance your career and support the family?

amother

Dustypink

Tue, Dec 07 2021, 10:47 am

I've been with my job over 20 years. With small raises and promotions over the years, I have BH worked myself up to a decent salary.
My husband is very loyal and won't look for a new job even if he's not so happy with his current job or underpaid. I know it sounds crazy, but it was the best thing when his company downsized and he got laid off. He was forced to look up his "value" and when he interviewed he asked for a higher salary.
But with higher salaries we get less breaks (tuition, etc) so our pocket $ after tuition and expenses isn't much more than when we made less and received tuition breaks.

amother

Wed, Dec 08 2021, 3:20 pm

I gave my thread some thought and I feel guilty for even writing it. My husband does get a decent salary, appx 85,00. Just for his job this is not considered great. I guess I just need to figure out how to discuss this with him without him seeing it as an attack on HIS worth. When I bring up the salary he feels I am saying he isn't good enough or not providing for us when really I believe he deserves more because he is a devoted employee who bills A LOT of hours for the firm.

amother

Bisque

Thu, Dec 09 2021, 1:36 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

OP, I'm in the exact same situation! Dh earns $85,000. He is employed in the same company for a number of years, and he maxed out his potential there. He is comfortable where he is, and bh we have everything we need, but I dream of the day where he moves on to something bigger, and I can have some our wants...

amother

Honeydew

Thu, Dec 09 2021, 2:35 pm

I’ll give u hope! Dh grew up poor. I grew up with parents who struggled being middle class.
I worked really really hard the past bunch of years and put dh thru school. Our finances now are not great but I think we have a bright future.
You sound savvy and smart and ur dh must be too if he made it thru law school. Daven and keep pushing, you really do sound like your each set up to be able to excel ...