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Give me chizuk to get rid of things!
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kenz




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 07 2021, 7:56 am
mommy3b2c wrote:
Thanks. We redid the basement about 1.5 years ago. Problem is, some of the tiles are peeling upwards a little. I’m not sure what to do about that.

That’s not a long time at all. There must be a manufacturer’s warranty, or perhaps the contractor would be able to help? Quality workmanship should last much longer than that.
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 07 2021, 8:01 am
mommy3b2c wrote:
Thanks. We redid the basement about 1.5 years ago. Problem is, some of the tiles are peeling upwards a little. I’m not sure what to do about that.

That's such a shame! Was there any water, flood or leak that you know of?


Last edited by ra_mom on Tue, Dec 07 2021, 9:10 am; edited 1 time in total
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pesach




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 07 2021, 8:13 am
seeker wrote:
I don't think of myself as a hoarder because I'm pretty selective about what I keep and I throw things away regularly. But I do have some things I've been holding onto for too long and I strongly suspect it's time to let them go.

Current challenge: Clothing that I loved that has gone way out of style. It's still in great condition and was very classy in the 90s and aughts. They talk about suits coming back in but I strongly suspect it won't be my suits. If it is, I'll regret getting rid of things I liked that were in great condition and will now cost me hundreds to replace. But I feel so stupid hosting things in my closet that I haven't worn in ten years.

Help me out, tribe. I don't think I can do this alone but I'm starting to actually feel ashamed of the stuff I'm holding onto. Which seems kind of judgy.


It’s so rewarding throwing things out! Bigger the pain greater the reward! I used to collect empty perfume bottles! Yes. Empty perfume bottles!!!! When I had approx 50 I decided it was time to let go. Believe me, it sounds insane, and it is, but I loved the collection! It was painful to put them into a trash bag, but the moment they were out of the house there was a relief and an empty drawer! It felt so clean and good!

DO IT. I know you can!
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 07 2021, 8:53 am
Well, for better or worse, the problem of constantly changing sizes isn't an issue for people who aren't in a cycle of pregnancies and babies... would do well for some people to remember that there's all kinds of lives around here.

Not sure if my kids would have a hard time throwing away my garbage if I were gone, sometimes it's easier when you are more removed from the stuff, but right now I'm anticipating moving in the near future and can't stand the thought of bringing clutter with me. That's what's driving me now.

Crazy how overwhelming this is when I always thought of myself as not having a lot because I don't have a lot of space. I guess my space is deeper than I realized... Can't Believe It
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 07 2021, 9:31 am
seeker wrote:
Well, for better or worse, the problem of constantly changing sizes isn't an issue for people who aren't in a cycle of pregnancies and babies... . Can't Believe It


Wronggg...yo-yo dieters, need I say more?
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MH25




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 07 2021, 9:51 am
you will feel so good after you throw things out.
every week or two I walk around my house with a shopping bag and try to fill it up.
it is such a good, clean feeling.
I never regretted anything I threw out.

Thank you,
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 07 2021, 9:51 am
pesach wrote:
It’s so rewarding throwing things out! Bigger the pain greater the reward! I used to collect empty perfume bottles! Yes. Empty perfume bottles!!!!

!

Many people do. They’re beautiful. But with a collection that size, the beauty gets lost in the clutter. It’s like the difference between a diamond-district store blinding you with hundreds of pieces of jewelry crammed into one window and Tiffany’s show windows that spotlight one or two items each.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Dec 07 2021, 9:54 pm
zaq wrote:
Wronggg...yo-yo dieters, need I say more?

I was responding to a couple of specific posts from a place of confessed sensitivity. I'm not a fan of assumptions. I do sympathize with the plight of people whose weight changes due to dieting attempts, and I acknowledge that childbearing changes come with their own challenges. Just pointing out, hopefully diplomatically though that's not my strength, that we're a varied demographic here.

I do feel good that I got those ambiguous things out of my sight and at least part of the way out of my mental space,with the expectation that the mental shadow will continue to fade with time.

Hoping to keep this thread live for continued motivation. I have a lot to do if I want to truly leave my junk behind. Here's what I did already over the last few weeks:

Those clothes - one big bag donated, two things passed to a friend. Old socks/undies discarded.
Kids' toys - gave away two big bags and passed on some outgrown but still beloved toys to Bubby's house. Somehow the toy/games closet still feels a bit too full?!!! I don't get it!
Some unused gifts - donated to local organization.
Books - most stayed because I love my books and especially have an attachment to judaica, but I did give away a nice bunch of outgrown secular kids' books and some teaching resources I haven't used lately of types that can be printed online.

Up next:
Another stash of clothes that need to get passed on, most things that I meant to alter but obviously didn't care enough to do so.
Magazines
Figure out what the heck is coating the bottom of my closet now that many bulky clothes are out of the way
Some electronics that I already set aside but my nearest electronics recycling/disposal place closed down and I haven't found the next best. And I need to find out how to securely wipe a hard drive from a laptop that doesn't work anymore.
Things that should have been returned to stores but likely never will - this comes with some emotional avoidance because it smacks of wasteful inefficiency.

Even after that there is still more to do Sad but I'm keeping the list to the things I feel are the most begging to get done. Why do I feel so pathetic?! I could have sworn I wasn't a hoarder. I throw things out all the time. And most of the clutter is stuff that belongs to my kids that is important to them and I feel I need to respect their emotional attachment even when it's frustrating to me. I did have them do a purge also while I was on one of my streaks, and they were cooperative, but it still left quite a lot - I guess they really are hoarders, though it's arguably a lot more developmentally appropriate for them! Partly blame our surrounding culture of prizes and gifts and swag for everything...
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 6:51 am
Seeker, decluttering is never a "one and done.". Nature abhors a vacuum and stuff expands to fill the space allotted. (That's First Law of Household Dynamics.) Decluttering needs to become a way of life just like twice-daily toothbrushing. You sound as if you're doing pretty well so far; just keep up the good work.

Don't expect your closets to look empty. If a closet was really jammed, it will still be full after you remove half the contents. The difference is that whatever is left will have room to breathe. Yes, even clothing needs to breathe. Crammed closets in which there is no air circulating around the clothes develop foul odors, not to mention that clothes crammed into a space wrinkle like mad.

A biggie is resolving to refuse freebies. For most people, the thrill isn't in using the freebie but in acquiring it. (As it is for compulsive shoppers, btw.) Once you get the goodies, the party's over. So either steel yourself not to accept swag at all (best--and it gets easier with practice) or give it away as soon as you get it (second best). If the stuff never gets a foot in the door, you don't have to struggle to get rid of it.

Discuss gift-giving with your friends and family and agree to give cash, consumables or experiences in lieu of stuff that hangs around forever.

Put a small table in front of your house with a sign "Free" and watch your unwanted stuff disappear. Or hold a yard sale. Price things very low because the idea is to get rid of things, not to line your pockets. Yard sale people want to pay next to nothing.

You need to train your dc to declutter regularly as well. Some children naturally have greater emotional attachment to objects than others, but do your best to discourage such attachments. Nobody has infinite storage space. Try having a rule that each child is allotted a certain number of books, playthings and "projects," and when a new one is introduced, an old one must go out. This is called the "one-in, one-out" rule. Yes, your child may cry, but he also cries when he has to take medicine and presumably you stand firm when it comes to that.

Decluttering is life medicine. Eventually, everyone has to make hard decisions about what to keep and what to discard, whether it's clothing, playthings, career possibilities or potential mates. Choosing A often means rejecting B because you can't have both. Learning to make such choices early in life makes it easier to make more important and tougher choices later.
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amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 8:03 am
On the topic of decluttering -
1. I have several areas that need my attention, but how to find the time?!

2. I am a yo-yo dieter. But I suspect I will never get back down to my original size. So there is some element of blame that is holding me back from getting rid of some clothes.
(I did just donate a lot, and felt good about it but I have more to go through).
I just feel like - here are these perfectly good skirts - in excellent condition, totally useful, totally my style.
And due to my own poor habits, I can’t wear them anymore.
Can anyone relate?
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 10:38 am
amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:
On the topic of decluttering -
1. I have several areas that need my attention, but how to find the time?!

2. I am a yo-yo dieter. But I suspect I will never get back down to my original size. So there is some element of blame that is holding me back from getting rid of some clothes.
(I did just donate a lot, and felt good about it but I have more to go through).
I just feel like - here are these perfectly good skirts - in excellent condition, totally useful, totally my style.
And due to my own poor habits, I can’t wear them anymore.
Can anyone relate?


You're on Imamother. You took the intake questionnaire. Obviously the answer is no. I don't know how you infiltrated but this is highly reportable.

Not.

The bigger question is, is there anyone here who doesn't relate. Smile
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amother
Snapdragon


 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 10:46 am
seeker wrote:
Well, for better or worse, the problem of constantly changing sizes isn't an issue for people who aren't in a cycle of pregnancies and babies... would do well for some people to remember that there's all kinds of lives around here.


Crazy how overwhelming this is when I always thought of myself as not having a lot because I don't have a lot of space. I guess my space is deeper than I realized... Can't Believe It


seeker I was the one who wrote that question and I wanted to apologize. My youngest is actually not a baby anymore already and likely won't have any more so I can't personally really blame it on that. I think I might even be heavier now then when I had her but I keep on hoping I'll lose the weight and tell myself now that.... now I'll lose the weight so the year thing is hard for me.\

in terms of kids possessions- do they keep their stuff neat just hoarded or is it a mess. I find that when they have to clean up themselves they get overwhelmed if they have too much stuff and are more likely to get rid of stuff since they see it's easier.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 12:41 pm
amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:
On the topic of decluttering -
1. I have several areas that need my attention, but how to find the time?!



Q: How do you eat an elephant?
A: One forkful at a time.

Decluttering is an ongoing process, not something you do al regel achat. You can take 15 minutes a day and address one shelf, one drawer, one purse, one box, one bag, one corner, one laundry basket or under one bed. The next day take 15 minutes--or 10, or 5-- and address another. You won't get a feeling of "wow! I just got rid of 27 black trash bags full of junk!" because you'll be doing everything in dribs and drabs, but the ultimate result will be the same. It'll just take you longer than someone who can dedicate a big chunk of time to the project.

Even if all you get rid of one day is three dried-out ballpoint pens and a cancelled postage stamp, that's still three useless pens and piece of paper that are no longer cluttering up your junk drawer and getting in the way of finding a good pen when you need one.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 12:45 pm
amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:
On the topic of decluttering -
1. I have several areas that need my attention, but how to find the time?!

2. I am a yo-yo dieter. But I suspect I will never get back down to my original size. So there is some element of blame that is holding me back from getting rid of some clothes.
(I did just donate a lot, and felt good about it but I have more to go through).
I just feel like - here are these perfectly good skirts - in excellent condition, totally useful, totally my style.
And due to my own poor habits, I can’t wear them anymore.
Can anyone relate?


Reframe: Here are perfectly good clothes not fulfilling their tafkid in the world when they could be given to a gmach and enable some needy woman to dress respectably and hold her head up in society, maybe even give her the confidence to get a job or a shidduch and improve her lot in life. When you look at it that way, it becomes much easier to let the clothes go.
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Another mom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 1:31 pm
Wow Zak - great advice! I'll try thinking the same when I declutter.... I also need chizuk!!
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 1:32 pm
Wow, zaq is on a roll today! Going to go have another forkful of elephant after work tonight.

Yes it is definitely harder when there's an emotional component such as berating yourself for not losing the weight - you don't want to look at the things that remind you of this, let alone actually deal with doing something about them. Unfortunately some such emotion applies to most of the stuff I need to tackle now Sad

My kids' stuff is fairly organized. Mostly because when it starts to overflow I start talking about getting rid of it and they take that seriously. There's still a lot of it.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 08 2021, 2:01 pm
seeker wrote:
Going to go have another forkful of elephant after work tonight.



LOL LOL LOL
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 13 2021, 6:44 pm
Went through the bottom of one closet. Ended up keeping most of the stuff because it's things that I like and truly think will be used (I stash up things like kids' craft kits and new-old games for "a rainy day.") But I did find some trash hiding there that I tossed, as well as some things that are no longer up my kids' alley, so those are in a bag to pass on. And two pairs of shoes that I never wore and won't, I'm going to post them for sale in a local group and if no one bites then I'll donate them somewhere. I don't remember if there was anything else, but at least all the stuff down there is neat and nice-looking now.

I also slightly pruned down a pile of books I was meaning to read. I took out anything that I only really wanted to read but didn't really, really, REALLY want enough.

This all made my box+pile of things to go start spilling over, so I put the contents into two bags (one for donating, one for giving away things that aren't new enough to donate) so they are now literally ready to walk out the door.

I'm writing as if it's a lot that got done, but it's not a big drop in the bucket. But I guess each step better count because otherwise I'm in trouble.
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amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Mon, Dec 13 2021, 7:01 pm
Thank you seeker and zaq and pinkfridge!
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Dec 13 2021, 7:10 pm
amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:
Thank you seeker and zaq and pinkfridge!


You're welcome! Though I had to go back and see - what did I say that was at all helpful? Glad it was!
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