Would you go for arufruf seuda without husband?

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amother

Mon, Dec 20 2021, 3:26 pm

My friend and neighbor is making an arufruf.
My husband and I were invited.
My husband can't walk so he won't be able to go.
I want to go because they are good friends but all my friends will have their husband's with them but me.
Would it be weird if I go? I would feel like a third wheel needing to hear kiddush and sitting with my friends and husbands but I never get to go anywhere .
I don't believe it will be separate seating which would be easier.

BrisketBoss

Mon, Dec 20 2021, 3:29 pm

Definitely go. They're good friends. Politically speaking, if only one spouse can go to a friend's simcha, it looks good/is friendly for them to go as the 'representative' of their family.

amother

Navy

Mon, Dec 20 2021, 3:40 pm

Yes I’ve gone myself to things when dh had health issues. It’s totally fine if he’s fine with it.

amother

Oleander

Mon, Dec 20 2021, 3:41 pm

I've done it many times. Some situations are more comfortable than others. What I learned to do is to pick one friend who I know would be understanding and tell her ahead of time "I really want to join the simcha but I'm afraid I'll feel uncomfortable. Can I ask that your husband will make kiddush for me?"

I feel more comfortable when it's all arranged ahead of time and usually because I put her on alert she'll look out for me and make sure I'm ok. I hate feeling like a nebech who has to be taken care of, but I hate it more when I'm the third wheel who is pretty much ignored. And I really hate staying home every single shabbos and not getting to join our friends simchas.

BrisketBoss

Mon, Dec 20 2021, 3:43 pm

I would prob make kiddush for myself in that situation. I actually enjoy having an opportunity to say kiddush, and I doubt it would make anyone uncomfortable to notice me muttering it to myself.

amother

Brown

Mon, Dec 20 2021, 3:46 pm

I've gone without DH and DH has gone without me, for various different reasons.

amother

Dill

Mon, Dec 20 2021, 3:51 pm

Another option is to make kiddush for yourself. But I totally agree with letting a friend know in advance that you'll be there solo, so it won't be awkward finding a place to sit and so on.

amother

Acacia

Mon, Dec 20 2021, 3:53 pm

Is it a Kiddush and a Seuda?
I've never been in this exact situation but my husband often goes to Bar Mitzvah's/ Aufrufs without me but will just stay for the Kiddush and then come back.
At most Simchas I've been to the Baal Simcha says Kiddush aloud, isn't that the norm?

zaq

Mon, Dec 20 2021, 4:08 pm

Totally, if the parents were good friends of mine and/or if I expected to meet lots of my own friends. Not if dh is my only connection to the family and I wouldn't know anyone else there.

tree of life

Mon, Dec 20 2021, 4:17 pm

Any chance a non jew could wheel your husband in a wheelchair so you both can be there

Raisin

Mon, Dec 20 2021, 4:19 pm

for sure, yes.

amother

Mimosa

Mon, Dec 20 2021, 4:21 pm

Absolutely yes. I have gone alone many times. Not sure if I prefer alone or with him-they both have pluses and minuses.
I find that sometimes the women hang out or if it is 2-3 couples and you it is less uncomfortable than one couple with you.

amother

Mon, Dec 20 2021, 5:17 pm

Thank you all for your replies.

I just dont want to look like a nebach but I would like to socialize some.

imasinger

Mon, Dec 20 2021, 5:19 pm

You won't look like a nebbuch.Go!

SixOfWands

Mon, Dec 20 2021, 5:23 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you all for your replies.

I just dont want to look like a nebach but I would like to socialize some.

GO!

There have been times when my husband couldn't make it to things, and I felt strange going without him. I never regretted going. Your friends will be thrilled to see you; I doubt they'll be epoxied to their spouses.

Refuah shleima to your DH. May he be healthy to go with you in the future.

chocolate moose

Mon, Dec 20 2021, 8:28 pm

is it mixed?

cnc

Mon, Dec 20 2021, 8:37 pm

Definitely go for it .

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