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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
7th grader burnt out



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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Dec 22 2021, 8:12 am
My DD’s grades and attitude are slipping. She has worked so hard in school the last few years and she has hit the wall now and is shutting down. She feels like her teachers are giving too many quizzes and tests and she complains she can’t always keep up with the work. She says other kids in her class feel the same. I discussed this issue with one of her main teachers recently and the attitude was “push through it and rise to the challenge.” I know my kid and she is on the verge of quitting completely. She will make herself and everyone else miserable and dig in her heels when she feels strongly about something. I feel this is really a tenuous situation and I don’t want to see my child spiral down and not be able to recover. What to do? (By the way, we’re talking limudei kodesh. Limudei kol is going well, BH).
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 22 2021, 8:15 am
I would say focus on one or two main subjects if you can and let the others go.
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groisamomma




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 22 2021, 8:17 am
Chayalle wrote:
I would say focus on one or two main subjects if you can and let the others go.


This. Validate her because she absolutely is in the right here! (Speaking as a mother and a teacher.) You can't afford for her to burn out and crash before she even gets to high school.

I had this with one of my girls. Unfortunately, staying home due to corona was the best thing that happened to her.
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amother
Lightyellow


 

Post Wed, Dec 22 2021, 8:18 am
I would also have her focus on what she likes to the extent that she likes it.

I have a policy of not turning my expectations for my kids with limudei kodesh into stress and misery etc.

I mean I don't turn any studies into that, but my view is the goals of limudei kodesh are to be practicing, happy Jews. If the stress is helpful to that, then it's worth it. If the stress is working against that, it's not.
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Ima03




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Dec 22 2021, 8:25 am
Avoid burn out at all cost. If the teachers won't work with you then maybe as the prior poster said, let her pick one subject that she'll work on and drop everything else. But when report cards come in and and she had D's and F's on the subjects she "dropped" don't make a big deal. Focus on how well she's doing in the subject she chose to focus on.

When my son was in 9th grade, he was burning out quickly. He's a bright kid and never had to lift a finger in school. All of a sudden gemara in mesivta was something he had to work at and wasn't used to. He was ready to throw in the towel. He struggled through 9th grade. Come 10th he was determined to get back on track, but it was too much to do at once. He committed himself to iyun and ignored b'kiyus (including not taking or handing in tests). Once he got that down pat, in 11th he decided to try again with everything. Fast forward to beis medresh and he's one of the top learners in his shuir. If I would have made a big deal, I think he would have dropped out of school.
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amother
Azure


 

Post Wed, Dec 22 2021, 8:26 am
completely agree with lightyellow. I personally enjoy limudei kodesh but if it's going to make my child resentful, no amount of rashis... is going to make it worth it for her yidishkeit and isn't that the point of limudei kodesh?
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amother
Bellflower


 

Post Wed, Dec 22 2021, 8:33 am
I'm going through similar with my daughter now. The new grade is too pressuring for her. But bh, thank you hashem, the teacher is finally working along with me and is allowing her to go easy on certain subjects.
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amother
Scarlet


 

Post Wed, Dec 22 2021, 8:38 am
Is this a school in Lakewood?
I feel like since there are so many schools they are each trying to prove that they are more academic. That puts tremendous pressure on the girls and is really not fair to the less academic girls.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Dec 22 2021, 9:06 am
I’m concerned also about the fall out of allowing her to “give up” on some subjects for the year. Doesn’t it create a precedent and also make her further behind and exacerbate the issue for future grades? In theory, I can see how it might help but it can also backfire. Feel for her. It’s a lot of work this year for her. I don’t get why the schools have to push so much. We don’t want to raise Nobel prize winners. Just people who are well adjusted and have enough knowledge to function.
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amother
Azure


 

Post Wed, Dec 22 2021, 9:33 am
can you pick a "less academic" option for highschool so that she won't be so behind?
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amother
Burgundy


 

Post Wed, Dec 22 2021, 9:35 am
I'm really sorry that your daughter has to deal with this type of pressure in school in 7th grade. I actually taught 7th and 8th grade for a number of years but it wasn't in a mainstream school. It's really sad that the principals and teachers are missing the point. Learning should be about building not pressurized and destroying.
Could you get her a tutor to help her with hw-just to help ease the pressure?
Does she have any outlets like art, music or dance?
I hope you have the option of finding a high school that has the right focus.
Just give her lots of support and don't worry if she needs a little break and slackens a little - if she's a bright kid she'll be able to catch up.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Dec 22 2021, 10:00 am
BH, she is really bright. Definitely am rethinking the high school option because the current high school we had in mind really pushes the kids. It's so much work. I'm getting the picture that it's not going to be a good match for her.

She will be starting with a tutor soon. Hopefully that helps to guide her and is more of an encouragement and not the opposite and not stressful.

She does have a few outlets but rather than a release she wants to escape into them and it's certainly not something that helps her refocus for schoolwork. But at least she has some enjoyment in life, not school related.

I wish her school would request surveys from parents as consumers. There is no way to give constructive feedback other than 1-on-1, face to face. There is no support from the administration on this. In college, we had to give feedback for all our professors at the end of the semester. I think it could be useful.
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