Need help writing a note to new next door neighbors

Elfrida

Tue, Dec 28 2021, 5:05 am

amother [ Lightgray ] wrote:

If your kids are very little you may think it doesn't matter, but what if your kids become close and the neighbors kids freely surf the internet or would otherwise be bad influences?

Nip it in the bud now. Or rather, don't plant the seeds to begin with.

Granted, it was a different generation. But I grew up with the nearest jewish family about fifteen minutes walk away. As a little girl I played freely with non Jewish neighbours. Children can form a connection over play even if they don't have much in common. I knew,I could only eat fresh fruit there, and my parents had probably explained it as well.

As we grew older we naturally grew apart. We went to different schools, had different social groups, different holidays, different interests. By the time we were teenagers we would greet each other if we happened to meet, but there was no real relationship. I don't think it hurts for children to be able to play together.

myname1

Tue, Dec 28 2021, 5:30 am

Elfrida wrote:

Yes, that is an option as well. But the OP said she doesn't want her kids to be friends. I get the impression she is doing this either to make a kiddush hashem or because she thinks it's the norm/expected. So she should know it's not the norm (in this direction at least), and while it very well might make a kiddush hashem, it might have undesired results for her (according to what she wrote she desires).

I'm could be totally off, but I'm guessing OP lives in one of these communities near Lakewood that have had a lot of antisemitism lately, with the locals very upset at all the Jews moving in. If that's the case, maybe something extra nice would be kedai. I would just not make it too friendly. Maybe just rugelach and your first sentence. "Hi! We are so excited to join the neighborhood! ~The Cohens"

amother

Lightgray

Tue, Dec 28 2021, 5:43 am

Elfrida wrote:

It is a different generation and times aren't as innocent. Even some Jews let their 10 year olds walk around with smartphones Sad

causemommysaid

Tue, Dec 28 2021, 6:02 am

You don't need permission to put up a fence.

You need a property survey which will define the boundaries of your lot.

Then you apply for a permit from your local zoning office.

A licensed contractor will know how to deal with all this and what kind of fences are allowed. (Ie. 3 ft in the front, 6 ft in the back, etc)

watergirl

Tue, Dec 28 2021, 6:33 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

No, I don’t want them playing with each other. Maybe here or there if they’re playing outside it’s fine. There is a chain link fence between the properties. I really want to put up a privacy fence but not sure how to go about it. I have to ask them for permission right? Don’t want to insult them 😬

I would not send anything. Just smile and be friendly. Sensing something to the existing neighbors is kind of weird; especially a Jewish pastry like rugelach. Sending anything gives mixes messages.

You want to put a privacy fence, just do it. It’s your right as the homeowner. Apply for the permit and make sure you have your zoning papers.

amother

Eggplant

Tue, Dec 28 2021, 10:55 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

They don’t have to know that I won’t end up eating it

That might be true at first, but chances are their kids would offer to share snacks and your kids would respond that can't have non kosher and then they'll be left feeling bad that you probably threw out whatever they made for you

dena613

Tue, Dec 28 2021, 7:41 pm

I would not send anything at all. You are new, not them, and even if THEY were the new ones, I wouldn't send anything because it's sending mixed messages. It seems like you want to be close friends.
Our non-Jewish neighbors we bump into outside so we introduce in person.
"Oh hi, my name is Simon, and my wife's name is Dena. Welcome to the block!"
That's it.

ESPECIALLY because they have kids your kids ages, you need to put up gedarim (virtual)

amother

Tomato

Tue, Dec 28 2021, 7:53 pm

I also don't think its a good idea to send over food. I lived in Chicago as a young child and we Never played with the Non Jewish children on our street. You can be friendly, polite, wave good morning but thats it. Your Non Jewish neighbor does not need to be your best friend.