Snappy answers to criticism masquerading as loving mussar

amother

Thu, Dec 30 2021, 4:35 pm

Inspired by the thread about unsolicited mussar from nosy people. Let's assemble a list of retorts so no one ever has to face such people without ammunition ever again. I especially liked the one about "is this accepted in your culture, because in my culture it's considered really rude."

"Do you have to work at sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, or does it come naturally?"

amother

Pistachio

Thu, Dec 30 2021, 6:21 pm

Not a snappy answer, but a good story:

In a small poor town in Eastern Europe a few hundred years ago, there was a man who posed falsely as an important Rabbi and would show up every so often to give a fiery mussar talk to the townspeople. He would scream and shout and warn the people that if they didn’t become more like him - the perfect example of fine middos - they were all going to burn in hell. His talks were so full of condescension, insults and mockery that the people would leave completely shattered, feeling utterly worthless.

One year, just after one such talk, one of the more brazen townsfolk showed up at the man’s inn where he was staying in the middle of the night. The so-called Rabbi woke up to see the townsman standing in his room brandishing a long, sharp knife. Terrified, he asked the townsman what he wanted.

The townsman explained, “It’s almost Rosh Hashana, and it is customary to pray by the gravesites of holy tzaddikim before the new year. We’re a simple and poor town and never had the opportunity to observe this great tradition, but you showed up just in time. Now all of our townspeople will merit to daven by your grave, a most wondrous and holy man.”

“Wait!” the ‘Rabbi’ pleaded. “You misunderstand. I’m not really a tzadik!”

“You aren’t? That’s not what you told us in shul yesterday. You told us if we didn’t stop sinning and become a pure, holy Jew like you, we would go straight to hell. Our town needs a gravesite of someone pure and free from sin like you.”

“I didn’t quite it mean it that way. I mean, I’m not completely pure. Sometimes I do commit a few small sins here and there.”

“Nah, that’s fine for us,” said the townsman and started to walk closer to the imposter Rabbi’s bed. “We don’t need perfect. A man with a few small sins is still holy enough for a wicked, sinful group of people like us.” and he continued to advance towards the bed.

“No, no, please!” he begged, “I assure you, I am no tzaddik. I don’t just do small sins. I commit big ones too, terrible sins! Some of the most serious sins in the Torah!”

He then went on to list all of the terrible sins he had committed that year. “You would never find any merit praying by my grave!”

“In that case,” said the townsman, slipping the knife into a thick sack slung over his shoulder, “we won’t have a need for your gravesite. And we certainly won’t have a need for any more of your lecturing, so this is your invitation to leave!”

Genius

Thu, Dec 30 2021, 6:56 pm

amother [ Pistachio ] wrote:

I LOVE this one!!! It’s awesome!

chanatron1000

Fri, Dec 31 2021, 1:15 am

If it's about something worn, something along the lines of "Oh, it seems there's been a misunderstanding. I don't dress to please you."

amother

Snowflake

Fri, Dec 31 2021, 1:20 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Inspired by the thread about unsolicited mussar from nosy people. Let's assemble a list of retorts so no one ever has to face such people without ammunition ever again

I think the best ammunition is silence, and a look/feeling of disinterest.

Goody2shoes

Fri, Dec 31 2021, 1:23 am

Look at them as if they're crazy and say I'm sorry I dont understand what your getting at then walk right off. The look on the face of the other person is priceless.

FranticFrummie

Fri, Dec 31 2021, 8:58 am

I'll say "OK" and then give them the blankest stare possible.

I won't say anything more after that, and I'll let the silence become really uncomfortable for them until they change the subject.

Another one is to say "I'm not sure I understood you correctly. Surely you didn't meant to imply..." whatever they said. Then sit back and watch them twist into knots trying to explain things. It can be very amusing.

amother

Diamond

Fri, Dec 31 2021, 9:00 am

Why the need to give a snappy answer? Just move on.

amother

Fri, Dec 31 2021, 11:14 am

amother [ Diamond ] wrote:

Why the need to give a snappy answer? .

Because it's fun. Duh!
Some people have NO sense of humor.