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Mussar that is actually damaging - share your incident
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amother
NeonPurple


 

Post Fri, Dec 31 2021, 10:13 am
amother [ Seashell ] wrote:
B"H I don't live in Lakewood Ir HaKodesh or anywhere like it. Here, comments like these are not considered normal or acceptable. We may have a few crazies here and there, and a friend of mine did once get an anonymous letter in her mailbox advising her that she had put up her eruve the wrong way, but in general, most people live and let live. You want to give mussar, you give a mussar shiur.


My brain keeps coming back to your post.

I’m really bothered by it. How is it ok to cynically knock a whole community? Without any reason to! I myself didn’t have these stories in Lakewood. We know Frantic frummie lives in Israel so why would you say such a thing?
To put things into perspective, it’s like your saying
Thank god I don’t live next to chassidim on a thread about flying to Israel.
Are there some extremists in Lakewood? Yes, and there are people like that in every community. Please take your stereotyping cynicism elsewhere.
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amother
Lime


 

Post Fri, Dec 31 2021, 10:19 am
amother [ NeonPurple ] wrote:
Where does Lakewood come into any of this???

None of my stories happened in Lakewood.


My story with the bed did. But it wasn’t offensive it was funny. it became a family joke.

It was slightly offensive when I had a baby after a 4 years break and I got a asked from people if I used a high risk doctor or was told how much they were davening for me…. But it wasn’t so hurtful because there are well meaning innocent people who can’t fathom that people don’t have kids for other reasons other then fertility issues.
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amother
Rose


 

Post Fri, Dec 31 2021, 10:28 am
amother [ Lime ] wrote:
There are lots of kids at risk in Lakewood nowadays. I don’t think she will stand out in that way… Sad

Point aside, you sound like a great mom.

all the kids kicked out of school!
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 31 2021, 10:44 am
Chayalle wrote:
there's something wrong with guys who notice little girls' knees.

.


Seriously.
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amother
Chestnut


 

Post Fri, Dec 31 2021, 11:09 am
amother [ Seashell ] wrote:
B"H I don't live in Lakewood Ir HaKodesh or anywhere like it. Here, comments like these are not considered normal or acceptable. We may have a few crazies here and there, and a friend of mine did once get an anonymous letter in her mailbox advising her that she had put up her eruve the wrong way, but in general, most people live and let live. You want to give mussar, you give a mussar shiur.


Maybe the person who put the note in the mailbox is an expert in the Halachos of eruve and saw that there was a serious flaw in her eruve and meant to save her from being nichshol and didn’t want to embarrass her by speaking in person and so tried to help her avoid aveiros in a sensitive way?
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amother
Violet


 

Post Fri, Dec 31 2021, 11:18 am
amother [ Seashell ] wrote:
B"H I don't live in Lakewood Ir HaKodesh or anywhere like it. Here, comments like these are not considered normal or acceptable. We may have a few crazies here and there, and a friend of mine did once get an anonymous letter in her mailbox advising her that she had put up her eruve the wrong way, but in general, most people live and let live. You want to give mussar, you give a mussar shiur.

OOC, was the eruv wrong and did she fix it?
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amother
Seashell


 

Post Fri, Dec 31 2021, 11:59 am
amother [ Chestnut ] wrote:
Maybe the person who put the note in the mailbox is an expert in the Halachos of eruve and saw that there was a serious flaw in her eruve and meant to save her from being nichshol and didn’t want to embarrass her by speaking in person and so tried to help her avoid aveiros in a sensitive way?


anonymous letters are never sensitive. the person is still embarrassed, but now she's embarrassed in front of everyone, because she doesn't know who sent it and she suspects them all. At least if a person talks to you staright, you may want to avoid them forever but you wouldn't be looking cross-eyes at everyone else.
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Sewsew_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Dec 31 2021, 12:05 pm
amother [ Violet ] wrote:
OOC, was the eruv wrong and did she fix it?

In the tipid of eiruv story.. It's complicated but my neighborhood put up their own private eiruv and my backyard and my neighbors wasn't Included in the beginning and than later included. One day the guy who put up the eiruv decided to come by and check something and he noticed the one in my backyard was down as Noone was checking it because it was included after and they didn't fele like taking responsibility for it.
He was putting people down (myself Included) that we were supposed to be checking it ourselves and we probably carried a lot over the last 3 years and think about all those times carrying without an eiruv. I was upset that Noone had told us to be on the lookout and check as I never heard of this problem they created.
Turns out 2 days later I found out there is a bigger eiruv in the town that was put up a year back and I confronted him. I said there is a bigger eiruv so why did you make me feel terrible about what I did if there is this other eiruv. His reply.. Oh you knew about it?
Are you serious? He knew about it and didn't want to tell me but rather tell me how bad it was that I didn't check it.
Eiruv Ive learnt is political. So the other persons eiruv story makes me get sick to my stomach that there are still yeshiva people walking around just offering unsolicited advice based on their interest. Punch
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amother
Sand


 

Post Sat, Jan 01 2022, 10:38 am
Being told by a frum fertility fundraiser if I didn’t take things personally I wouldn’t have kids… I am so scarred
Screamed at in public at my sheva brochas that I was already having a bad influence on my dh cos we were exactly 2 mins late… (his fault btw, but neither of us minded)
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amother
Phlox


 

Post Sat, Jan 01 2022, 3:57 pm
After I bought a new wig, my neighbor scolded me that it's too long.

She now keeps on asking why I don't make the time to chat anymore. Well, she can go & befriend the other tznius police ladies mentioned on this thread.
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ImmaBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 02 2022, 7:27 am
These posts are so upsetting- that's an understatement. I think that copies of the excellent book Master Your Words, Master Your Life should be dropped by drone into neighborhoods where unwanted "tochacha" is a problem.
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amother
Tanzanite


 

Post Sun, Jan 02 2022, 9:06 am
In my community where I live it's not really acceptable to wear black tights for women. I started to wear it couple of years back . My mom keeps telling me I won't be able to do a shidduch with my very frum son because I wear black and no one will want us. I just keep telling her in that case I don't want those people either
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