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Forum -> Working Women
When you physically and emotionally can't do it anymore



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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jan 04 2022, 12:04 pm
Allright, I'll join the club of working moms who can't handle all the stress of working and taking care of a family.
In my case, it's not that I am overwhelmed, I am getting myself physically and emotionally ill. For whatever reason, my body just cannot handle work right now. I was working in a full time position for many years. About 1.5 years ago, I became physically and emotionally ill and tried many treatments, both physical and psychological. I cut back to part time, hoping that would help. Nope. My mental health took a dive. I quit the job and took a very pleasant job where I am paid per hour at a fairly good rate. No benefits. No commitments.
Since I started the new job, my physical health has deteriorated. I can't beat colds. I keep getting minor illnesses, one after another. My mood is not in a good place.

I am really starting to believe that I JUST CAN'T WORK RIGHT NOW.

So what do people do when they can't work? I spoke to someone very familiar with federal disability and was told my case is not strong enough. The state I live in does not have any kind of disability plan. I recently tried to buy my own disability policy (knowing that I was going downhill) and believe it or not, the insurance company picked up on that and denied me.

My husband works. Hard. He doesn't earn enough to meet all our expenses. (yes, we live OOT in a more simple community in a cheaper house). He cannot and will not take on more work.

Meanwhile, I feel like I am killing myself slowly. How do you pay the bills when you're not earning?
Please don't tell me to ask a family member or put our expenses on a credit card. If those had been options, we would have explored them long ago.
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amother
Stoneblue


 

Post Tue, Jan 04 2022, 12:45 pm
Is there any part time work you can do at home, even if it isn't the field you trained in?
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amother
Dodgerblue


 

Post Tue, Jan 04 2022, 1:10 pm
What is it about working specifically that is affecting your mental health? (Is it the field you are in?) is it the commute? Your hours?
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mha3484




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 04 2022, 1:13 pm
I would first make sure I am doing everything I can to promote a healthy immune system. When I burn the candle at both ends I get sick all the time and its miserable. When I sleep better, eat better and dont drink during the week I feel a lot better overall.

Then I would look at how your paycheck gets used. Once you figure out what it pays for you can see if there area ways to reduce that expense. If your paying all the tuition can you work with the school to reduce your
bill? If its food or utilities maybe there are community or government programs you can apply for. I also live OOT. Where I live, there is a ton of community assistance for people seeking to lower their expenses. Does your community offer any help?
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amother
Brass


 

Post Tue, Jan 04 2022, 1:24 pm
Just had a laugh that this ad popped up right under your question
Wanted to share the solution that google had for you

https://I.imgur.com/NkGpajM.jpg
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amother
Mauve


 

Post Tue, Jan 04 2022, 1:30 pm
You MUST quit your job and tell your husband he needs to figure this out for you until you get better. Its a mans responsibility to support his wife, especially when she is ill like this. Let him collect money from friends if need be. Its HIS responsibility!
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amother
Viola


 

Post Tue, Jan 04 2022, 1:39 pm
I've been there. I did end up quitting my job for a short time. My husband had to take over finances. I am not usually one to spin out emunah stories but twice over the years when I have cut back my husband starting earning more, opportunities opened up etc. I felt strongly that I was doing what I needed to do to take care of myself. If momma isn't healthy, everybody suffers. Your family needs a healthy mother.
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lora




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 04 2022, 1:44 pm
sometimes doing nothing is the worst possible thing for mental health. everyone is different and there is no one size fits all answer. obviously you've done your research and there is probably not much to be done about disability funds. becoming a "taker" should really be the last resort as its very bad for a persons moral and mental health, its also a downhill battle. whats your plan if you were to give up your job? sitting at home using free time to sip coffee on a daily basis is just to much time to go crazy. obviously shopping and vacations wont be an option without a second income. have you tried thinking out of the box what job might bring you joy and happiness? tune into your talents and what makes you "tick!" maybe opening a new small business (with a business loan) maybe something out of the box like becoming an aerobics/ health coach/ sales coach instructor, maybe a social media career, or becoming an organizer. when you take a step back, out of all "boxes and limitations" maybe some more options will appear.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jan 04 2022, 4:24 pm
lora wrote:
sometimes doing nothing is the worst possible thing for mental health. everyone is different and there is no one size fits all answer. obviously you've done your research and there is probably not much to be done about disability funds. becoming a "taker" should really be the last resort as its very bad for a persons moral and mental health, its also a downhill battle. whats your plan if you were to give up your job? sitting at home using free time to sip coffee on a daily basis is just to much time to go crazy. obviously shopping and vacations wont be an option without a second income. have you tried thinking out of the box what job might bring you joy and happiness? tune into your talents and what makes you "tick!" maybe opening a new small business (with a business loan) maybe something out of the box like becoming an aerobics/ health coach/ sales coach instructor, maybe a social media career, or becoming an organizer. when you take a step back, out of all "boxes and limitations" maybe some more options will appear.


I definitely hear what you're saying about sitting around at home. Fortunately (or unfortunately) I am seeing so many doctors, psychiatrist and intense therapy and won't have to sit around too much.

To the poster above who suggested we take a closer look at our finances, Thank you! Yes, there is community support for trying to lower expenses. I'm not sure whether its feasible but I am going to go in that direction.

I actually LOVE my job. I'm very good at it and passionate about what I do. I just don't have the energy for it. :-(
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amother
Crocus


 

Post Tue, Jan 04 2022, 4:26 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I definitely hear what you're saying about sitting around at home. Fortunately (or unfortunately) I am seeing so many doctors, psychiatrist and intense therapy and won't have to sit around too much.

To the poster above who suggested we take a closer look at our finances, Thank you! Yes, there is community support for trying to lower expenses. I'm not sure whether its feasible but I am going to go in that direction.

I actually LOVE my job. I'm very good at it and passionate about what I do. I just don't have the energy for it. :-(


I totally hear you. I'm on disability so we can spare my income. There's definitely a lot of self doubt I have like that everyone else seems to work and they're fine, why am I not?
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amother
Aster


 

Post Tue, Jan 04 2022, 4:34 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I definitely hear what you're saying about sitting around at home. Fortunately (or unfortunately) I am seeing so many doctors, psychiatrist and intense therapy and won't have to sit around too much.

To the poster above who suggested we take a closer look at our finances, Thank you! Yes, there is community support for trying to lower expenses. I'm not sure whether its feasible but I am going to go in that direction.

I actually LOVE my job. I'm very good at it and passionate about what I do. I just don't have the energy for it. :-(

I’m in a very similar situation. I love where I work but I just can’t anymore. I’m sick so often and it’s getting too much for me and my family. I made the decision to quit and apply for disability. I need to be home and give myself some time to recover and focus on my health and my children.
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amother
Lightblue


 

Post Tue, Jan 04 2022, 4:40 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Allright, I'll join the club of working moms who can't handle all the stress of working and taking care of a family.
In my case, it's not that I am overwhelmed, I am getting myself physically and emotionally ill. For whatever reason, my body just cannot handle work right now. I was working in a full time position for many years. About 1.5 years ago, I became physically and emotionally ill and tried many treatments, both physical and psychological. I cut back to part time, hoping that would help. Nope. My mental health took a dive. I quit the job and took a very pleasant job where I am paid per hour at a fairly good rate. No benefits. No commitments.
Since I started the new job, my physical health has deteriorated. I can't beat colds. I keep getting minor illnesses, one after another. My mood is not in a good place.

I am really starting to believe that I JUST CAN'T WORK RIGHT NOW.

So what do people do when they can't work? I spoke to someone very familiar with federal disability and was told my case is not strong enough. The state I live in does not have any kind of disability plan. I recently tried to buy my own disability policy (knowing that I was going downhill) and believe it or not, the insurance company picked up on that and denied me.

My husband works. Hard. He doesn't earn enough to meet all our expenses. (yes, we live OOT in a more simple community in a cheaper house). He cannot and will not take on more work.

Meanwhile, I feel like I am killing myself slowly. How do you pay the bills when you're not earning?
Please don't tell me to ask a family member or put our expenses on a credit card. If those had been options, we would have explored them long ago.


This is very emotional. Moshe Weinbaum does Emotion Code therapy which can be very! helpful for this. However, he is fully booked and can recommend other good practitioners.

Try to think if there is ANY emotional thing that happened around when this started. it is 99.9% likely it is related. Since that emotional trigger is still there, the body is physically getting sick nd trying so hard to keep up.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jan 04 2022, 4:41 pm
amother [ Lightblue ] wrote:
This is very emotional. Moshe Weinbaum does Emotion Code therapy which can be very! helpful for this. However, he is fully booked and can recommend other good practitioners.

Try to think if there is ANY emotional thing that happened around when this started. it is 99.9% likely it is related. Since that emotional trigger is still there, the body is physically getting sick nd trying so hard to keep up.


YES. COVID.
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amother
Lightblue


 

Post Tue, Jan 04 2022, 4:54 pm
so in general, we are predisposed to dealing with situations in our own ways, based on how we were conditioned as we grow up.. so yes its very possibly that covid is the trigger. Emotion Code can help with releasing and dealing with the emotions causing the slow down etc.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Mar 07 2022, 12:20 am
Me again. I was just scrolling through old posts and found this one. I thought "wow, that sounds just like me." Then I realized it was me.
Nothing has changed. Still working. Still like what I do but totally overwhelmed and overloaded. I recently took off for a short period of time and the difference in my physical and mental health was significant.

We did end up meeting with a financial person who looked over all our numbers carefully and felt there was nowhere to cut. We are already living very frugally.
As I mentioned in original post, DH is not going to be increasing his salary.

Any other ideas? I wish there was a way to generate passive income WITHOUT STRESS so I could just spend a few months relaxing and taking care of my mind and body.
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#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 07 2022, 12:29 am
Can a mental health professional give you a diagnosis that you are unable to work in order
to qualify for disability?
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Mar 07 2022, 12:31 am
#BestBubby wrote:
Can a mental health professional give you a diagnosis that you are unable to work in order
to qualify for disability?


No. I've done extensive research on this.
Thank you for the idea though.
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familyfirst




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Mar 07 2022, 12:42 am
Hire more cleaning help and babysitters. Just fir a few months. You get to keep your job and take care of your health.
Consider it an investment
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Mon, Mar 07 2022, 3:57 am
My friend had a similar situation and quit working. They went on all the programs. I’m not sure it really worked so well. It meant trading one set of stressors for another.

There’s no way to generate passive income without stress unless you have a sizable chunk of money to invest.

How can you reduce stress at home so you have more mental and physical energy while you’re working? Sometimes putting effort into friendships and klal work can have a big impact on your overall wellbeing. Sometimes cutting corners with meals and housework can be helpful. Sometimes spending more time davening and saying Tehillim is helpful. Do any of these resonate with you?
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