Thank G-d I got married 20 years ago

amother

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 3:48 am

It occurs to me that with Instagram, never before have we had this kind of voyeuristic view of literally every rich person’s wedding ever. (I guess all the Instagram accounts for weddings are so expensive that’s who pays for their services?)

Was it the same in my day? I think if I got married today I’d be watching all these stories and feeling bad my parents weren’t getting me a halo and also a designer gown etc etc. I would watch all these incredibly gorgeous strangers and feel like I’d never measure up.

Women with girls getting married today - do you find your daughters caught up in all this? Do they feel beautiful? Is there this pressure to have fancier weddings after you’ve seen it on Instagram?

amother

Amaranthus

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 3:59 am

Thank G-d I never got into instagram. I think my entire mindset would be different at this point, a minor shift can affect the way you view the world around you completely. I'm insanely grateful instagram is not a part of my life in any way. I got locked out of my account at one point when someone hacked it, I think it was G-d's way of helping me out. I don't know a single person who can honestly say their emotional health is better for being on there.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 4:08 am

OP, I agree with everything you said. Im a few years short of 20 years married, but got married before fb was big or instagram or any other social media outlet. It was lovely to not have to care what was in and what was not etc.
I dont even have instagram now. And hope to keep it that way.

amother

Sunflower

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 8:30 pm

I got married with Instagram and didn't feel that way.

I had a relatively simple wedding in a takana hall with a rented dress and I loved it.
Yes there are people wealthier than I am, that's the way of the world - bh I have everything that I need and more, I don't feel like I'm missing out.

amother

Ebony

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 8:33 pm

I’m relieved also- because I would have felt pressured to look a certain way, spend a lot for vort and Sheva brachos etc.
and I would have felt awful about my one cheap sheitel and one chesed sheitel that I got from tzedakah.

amother

Sunflower

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 8:36 pm

newmom1987 wrote:

What’s a halo? I’d like to see these Instagram accounts - just for fun!

It's just a lot of hair extensions connected with a string. Costs almost at much as a wig...

amother

Mauve

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 8:47 pm

I think this goes back to be happy with what you have and be careful what you wish for. I don't follow Instagram at all. I am on FB but I don't care what other people do with their money it makes no difference to my life. There are times that I wish I would have done things differently to have more $ but it is what it is and I do the best with what I have and I try my best to focus on all the blessings in my life especially my wonderful family. Even if I had the $ I would rather give it my kids for their future rather then toss it around on a wedding that lasts only a few hours and is not needed according to halacha I would rather make a simple no frills wedding and that's it. More is just headaches.

amother

DarkRed

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 8:53 pm

amother [ Sunflower ] wrote:

It's just a lot of hair extensions connected with a string. Costs almost at much as a wig...

I'm so curious now. Can someone post a picture? I'm too old for instagram I guess. I never saw the point or appeal.

amother

Hosta

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 8:54 pm

Honestly, my DD 19 (not yet a Kallah - we have 3 more years of school and she wants to graduate before getting married) is on Instagram, and Instagram is not going to be the comparison, it is going to be what do her friends have, the same as it was when I got married 20+ years ago.

She goes to wedding and takes pictures of the centerpieces this one had, the dresses, the chuppah that one had and what was served at the smorg. She doesn’t live under a rock, but she is also has an understanding of money and aware that there will be a budget and choices will be made.
Right now, she wants a great dress and thinks menu and band is least important. (Clearly she is a visual person).

amother

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 8:56 pm

Do any of you feel like your daughters or sons are way more into the wedding or these details than you were at the same age?

I literally had no clue. I watched a instagram story where the bride gasped and oohed and ahed at the flowers. I'm so clueless, after my own wedding someone asked me what color the flowers were and I said "flowers? There were flowers?" I had to get the photo album to find out that there were indeed flowers.

I actually right now still don't remember what color they were. BRB gotta go check.

amother

DarkRed

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 8:56 pm

amother [ DarkRed ] wrote:

I'm so curious now. Can someone post a picture? I'm too old for instagram I guess. I never saw the point or appeal.

Never mind. Googled it. Not as exciting as I thought. I was imagining literally a halo of hair, lol!

amother

Apricot

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 9:45 pm

I think social media has made things difficult for many things as people aspire to lifestyles and standards of facial and body ideals that are unrealistic. Often naive people - especially impressionable teenage girls don't realize that the faces are heavily filtered and photoshopped and even "natural beauties" when you see them just walking around in person don't resemble their instagram pictures.

Such pressure for perfection.

And then I would imagine the pressure continues if one follows perfect looking houses and table settings etc.

I remember years ago looking at a Martha Stewart magazine and wondering who was crazy enough or had the time and energy to do all of these time consuming "crafty" things.

amother

Camellia

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 10:55 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

So funny. I literally say the same thing all the time

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 11:08 pm

Yessss I agreee!
I got married seven years ago and while Instagram existed it was waaaay different.
I always said thank G-d it wasn’t as big of a deal back then.
I did not care about a lot of stuff at my wedding.
I know if Instagram was as big as it is in more recent years I would have focused on so many details and made so many more comparisons.
Thank you Hashem!!

mushkamothers

Tue, Jan 04 2022, 11:12 pm

amother [ Amaranthus ] wrote:

Hi, meet me, I've learned so much therapy from Instagram and I don't follow any of these Jewish accounts.

I did follow them when I got married almost 7 years ago. I got hair and flower ideas. And then I unfollowed all the wedding industry accounts when I was a newlywed and found myself indeed comparing. That's called being healthy online. Teach your kids and yourself how to curate your own social media feed and control your own experience.

BTW I cared about my flowers, but I couldn't care less about the music and even to a certain extent my own dress. We're all allowed to have our own priorities.

amother

NeonOrange

Wed, Jan 05 2022, 9:53 pm

mushkamothers wrote:

This!
Instagram (particularly MushkaMothers page 😆) has made me a better mother!
I am a lot more in tune with myself, and learning to trust my gut and my relationships with those around me. (I follow therapy accounts)
I also see a lot of things normalized.
Kind of like imamother!