How much teacher obsession is normal for a 4th grader?

amother

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 7:02 pm

All day today she was imagining her teacher showing up to our house with different scenarios involved in how she landed up in our town for shabbos and why she was coming to visit.
But obsessively, non stop talk... dd just come to tell me “but mrs. Dash didn’t end up coming”.

amother

Mimosa

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 7:27 pm

You should find a therapist that specializes in obsessions, and go for sessions so the therapist can advise you on how to help your dd.

amother

Impatiens

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 7:34 pm

Did you ask her why she wants her teacher to visit? Or why she thought her teacher might come? Is she a very imaginative child?
I would play along. Tell her you're going to pretend to be her teacher and come "visit". Maybe that will help her.

gootlfriends

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 8:14 pm

I feel like part of the story is missing.why did she think her teacher was coming? And my 5 grader talks about her English teacher all the time. She has a great bond with her and looks up to her. I don't think that's a bad thing.

amother

Bronze

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 8:17 pm

It’s really normal. Especially in the frum world where our kids don’t idolize celebrities, they idolize teachers instead.

amother

Hydrangea

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 9:16 pm

How long was this going on for? A few weeks, a day a few hours?

Kids do sometimes get into an imaginary world in their heads, I think that’s pretty normal. If it’s fun and creative that can last a few days.
If she’s not talking about anything else for a few weeks, I might investigate what’s going on.

amother

Tiffanyblue

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 9:30 pm

amother [ Mimosa ] wrote:

You should find a therapist that specializes in obsessions, and go for sessions so the therapist can advise you on how to help your dd.

It’s hard sometimes for me to detect sarcasm on this forum.
I hope this is it.

amother

Outerspace

Sat, Jan 08 2022, 11:19 pm

I beg to differ with most of the "it's normal" responses.

As a fourth grade teacher, (maybe I am OP's daughter's teacher! But if I am, I won't out myself) I don't think my students would go that far.

I can imagine them talking about me, repeating things I've said, even hoping I'd stop by.. But not to the point of after feeding themselves a narrative, saying, "Mrs. X didn't come!!!
Unless for some reason Mrs. X said she'd stop by.(?)

It sounds atypically immature for fourth grade.

amother

Steel

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 3:16 am

I used to spend all day imagining such scenerios but with characters from fictional books I'd read. I would have never told my mom about it though!

This lasted until my 20s, sometimes fictional characters, sometimes a person in real life. Sometimes I think I overdid the imagining to the point where I prioritized fantasizing over real life. If this is the case with your daughter, I think the only thing you can do is to try to add some extra activities to her life to give her something else to focus her attention on.

If you tell her "stop thinking about your teacher", etc, that won't help at all, she will just make sure to be quiet about it around you, and might feel ashamed.

Success10

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 3:20 am

I have a 4th grader, and they are usually fully aware of reality at that age. I think 4th grade is old for this. She might be searching for a deeper connection with you, OP, and projecting it on to her Morah. Which is normal, and you are a great mom. But try to dig deeper to see what void she is trying to fill.

Jenmom

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 8:21 am

It sounds pretty normal. It's part of the process of growing up and beginning to attach to adults outside of the home; learning that YOUR parents aren't everything in the world. A sort of per-adolescent phase.

amother

Linen

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 9:00 am

The being surprised that she didn't come is the only part I'm not sure about. The rest is so age appropriate. I had a whole fantasy with my teachers in fourth and fifth grade. Less so as the years went on. My friends were similar. It's more than two decades since, but I see it with that age. Maybe they're just starting to understand deeper feelings?

FranticFrummie

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 9:27 am

OP, don't ignore your DD when she gets like this. Instead, ask her lots of questions.

Why do you think she is coming?
What would you like to do when she gets here?
What is your favorite thing about Mrs. X?

Play off of what she's saying, and see if you can engage her to get more information about what's on her mind.

amother

Carnation

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 9:34 am

amother [ Outerspace ] wrote:

When I was that age, if I liked a teacher I would definitely obsess over her and imagine her bumping into me at the supermarket and telling me how proud she is of me blah blah blah. Id incorporate her in my imaginitive play...and I was a normal kid lol
Kids get into things

amother

Freesia

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 12:29 pm

amother [ Steel ] wrote:

I did this too but lasted after my 20's too. I prioritized fantasizing over real life too. I still do it.

did you have a normal childhood?

amother

Steel

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 12:44 pm

amother [ Freesia ] wrote:

I did this too but lasted after my 20's too. I prioritized fantasizing over real life too. I still do it.

did you have a normal childhood?

No abuse, but my childhood was more boring than most, which I suspect was a factor.

I stopped the fantasizing when I had a few kids and a career, and I think I just had enough going on in my life that I didn't need the extra stimulation of the fantasies.