I'm too tired to deal with this but I must- please help

amother

Diamond

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 7:30 pm

What happens if you walk upstairs and get into her bed? I'm guessing she'd follow to and climb into her bed with you. You may need to be there with her for awhile, to reset her bed as the safe place. Then you can gradually decrease your distance from it while she falls asleep.

Realistically, I have a kid with adhd that did this for ages, and I also allowed it because otherwise I didn't sleep. It turns out she has a hormonal/physical thing that causes an anxiety spike when she is overtired. Everyone kept thinking the anxiety was causing her not to sleep, but it's the other way around. She has had actual panic attacks out of nowhere when she flips into overtired.

She's also sensory. Make sure her space is heated well, and load cuddly blankets and stuffed animals if she wants. And definitely a weighted blanket.

amother

Raspberry

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 7:43 pm

What about her bedtime routine, op? Do you spend time with her before she goes to sleep, reading, shmoozing and cuddling together? Maybe she needs more of your attention during the day? Especially since you mention a baby.
I never take my kids into my bed, but I also do lie down in their beds and it calms them down. I second using a weighted blanket too.
Hatzlacha!!

amother

Mintgreen

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 7:58 pm

amother [ Diamond ] wrote:

It turns out she has a hormonal/physical thing that causes an anxiety spike when she is overtired. Everyone kept thinking the anxiety was causing her not to sleep, but it's the other way around. She has had actual panic attacks out of nowhere when she flips into overtired.

She's also sensory. Make sure her space is heated well, and load cuddly blankets and stuffed animals if she wants. And definitely a weighted blanket.

The hormonal physical thing you mention is actually the cause of all different types of sleep issues in many kids with adhd and asd. Their bodies may not be regulating their sleep properly because they don't produce neurotransmitter/sleep hormones at the right time of day, in the right amounts.

We've been helped with this with alternative medicine practitioners.

amother

Lightcoral

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 8:05 pm

Sleeping problems are very very common with children who have adhd. My child uses a weighted blanket, you can try that. Also, are you using melatonin? If you are, it often causes kids to wake up during the night. You have to give a very small amount to make it helpful for falling asleep but not too much that they wake up during the night. Like 1/4 mg.

behappy2 wrote:

Can you leave the door unlocked and put down a comfy blanket for her to lie down on the floor near your bed? You can prepare it at night with her with a pillow and blanket. You get your sleep and everyone is happy and eventually she will outgrow it.

Not really. OP wants her time and space with dh including intimacy, if child is in the room that won't work.

amother

Apple

Sun, Jan 09 2022, 9:52 pm

You need your sleep and your dh, but your dd needs you. She is scared at night and you are the comfort she needs. Why can't dh sleep in his own bed so dd can come into yours?

In my house, the rule is that kids can come into my bed or dh's bed until they are 9. Most of the kids outgrew it before that, but one of my kids needed that guideline. At 8 1/2 I said he could come in once or twice a week, but the other nights he he should practice staying in his room so that when he's 9, it won't be too hard. B"H it worked.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Jan 10 2022, 6:17 am

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

If she was neurotypical I would say what if you slept on a mattress for a few nights next to her bed and hope she stops waking up at all.

But with the adhd and asd type symptoms, that makes me suspect brain inflammation and that makes things a lot more complicated. You’re going to need to calm her nervous system down, it’s in high arousal. Behavioral techniques won’t help before that.

This is my DD exactly. She was in my bed until she turned 12. If I tried to keep her out, she would bang her head on the wall and cry until she threw up. What was I supposed to do? I tried everything. Melatonin can only do so much (once I got her down, she stayed asleep until morning.)

She was diagnosed with ADD, and recently she was just diagnosed with HFA and Celiac. That explains a whole lot of why she struggled so much when she was growing up. Now, B'H she's outgrown a lot of the behavior issues, and is learning more about self regulating. Being off gluten has calmed down the full body inflammation.

It was a LONG road to get her here. It's really hard. Hug