Forcibly putting kid on toilet

amother

Tue, Jan 11 2022, 10:05 pm

My kid often refuses the toilet even though it is clear she needs it. I will pull down her underwear and plop her on the toilet and she goes and is so relieved. But I feel so wrong about forcibly removing her underwear. Same thing when she needs diaper cream. She doesn't let me and I just got to do it. But I feel like im violating her privacy against her will. I can talk myself blue in the face and she refuses to go/let me put cream, and I need to!

amother

Tue, Jan 11 2022, 10:38 pm

She is 3.5 and is really trained. She just doesn't take her body cues and will be snappy and uncomfortable and ill tell her you need to pee and she will say NO IM NOT GOING TO THE BATHROOM! Even though she needs it. She is also recovering from a whole month long saga of constipation so I don't want to let her hold anything in too long.

BrisketBoss

Tue, Jan 11 2022, 10:42 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Sounds like a power struggle to me. You have to be sooo careful when it comes to potty training or it can lead to long lasting physical and/or behavioral issues.

You say she's trained. You mean she knows what to do. I can believe that! And she is also showing you that she has complete control over her evacuation of bodily products. The more you push her the more she'll push back. Maybe she is currently feeling a loss of control in other areas of her life and so she is using this to show you her power.

amother

Yarrow

Tue, Jan 11 2022, 10:44 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I've been there. Was chronically constipated as a child, and going to the bathroom was SCARY! It could be she's scared she will experience the pain of constipation again.
What I would do is put her on the toilet, and hold her while she goes and say "it's ok, mommy is here, It's ok, you will feel better after." Make it a safe spot.

BrisketBoss

Tue, Jan 11 2022, 10:48 pm

Oh, I reread and saw the constipation problem. Chronic holding can be a potty power struggle thing and constipation can also be a diet thing. It could be both. I agree that the prospect of pain could make it scary and be yet another contributor but whatever it is, it won't help to try to 'make' her go. Hope this gets resolved for you guys soon!

amother

Fuchsia

Tue, Jan 11 2022, 10:51 pm

amother [ Gardenia ] wrote:

Don’t do it. I did and I’m still dealing with issues with that child years later. Let her wear pull ups at home.

I’ve tried this and dealing with severe issues because of it at a very old age. Do not do this.

amother

Raspberry

Tue, Jan 11 2022, 10:59 pm

Ugh we had power struggles over this too with my child at that age. It's so frustrating. I wouldn't forcibly put them on the toilet-- I think it takes away body autonomy and it'll get you into a bad pattern for your relationship. Someone suggested setting an alarm for every few hours for potty breaks, and it worked a lot better than me telling the child to go. The other thing I did was work it into certain routines, so it was just another thing that had to be done before (story time, playing outside, other activity).

amother

Outerspace

Tue, Jan 11 2022, 11:07 pm

My 3.5 year old was like that. Running in circles because he needed to go to the bathroom but wouldn't go unless I literally dragged him there. I got a magnet writing board that can only be used on the toilet and stays in the bathroom. He was excited about it for a week and it solved the issue. Maybe see if this can help

amother

Green

Tue, Jan 11 2022, 11:44 pm

There are potty watches your kid can wear.
You can set it for how long.
That way it’s the watch telling her to go and not you.
(My kid loved it and then lost interest after a few days).

amother

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 9:14 am

So we had like months of constipation issues and she sees a pediatric GI that was not my question. I guess I was uncomfortable clearly wording my dilemma. Gonna a try again:
We trach about body safety and no one can take off your clothes or touch you without permission. Yet I find myself pulling down her undies and putting her on the toilet even though she is objecting. Or telling her she needs to let me put cream on her rash even though she objects. I feel like it's contradictory. Yet letting her go without making her try the toilet or get cream isn't really good for her body either. Should I really let her not do what's good for her body because I shouldn't be touching her without permission?
She is not my first kid but first to make a big deal about this.

amother

Vermilion

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 9:48 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I don’t to know much abt this. It does seem ok w what ur doing. Ur the mom who wants best for her. Maybe u can speak to her about it. “We have a prob…… what do u think we can do abt it” u can write down the answer without knocking any of it down. Once finished u can go through the list to see which fits best for u and the child. Hatzlacha!!!!

amother

Silver

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 10:10 am

If she’s holding, give her a ped suppository. It will come out very fast and won’t be painful so she will realize it’s not scary.

A lot of holding is because they’re scared of the pain. This can lead to encopresis- make sure to avoid this at all costs.

Trust me. Take care of this now or u will be dealing with this for years.

mushkamothers

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 10:18 am

1. What I did was give power back in the situation. "I'm going to close my eyes and count to 3 and when I open them I'm going to tell you to go... whaaattt where did you go, you already made me a surprise, wow! "
Or - you go pee and then your snack will be ready- bc they don't want to miss out on anything

Re the consent. "I hear you saying you don't want cream and I'm proud of you for saying that. It's my job to keep you healthy and I will give you cream whether you want it or not bc I need to keep your tush healthy"

amother

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 10:39 am

mushkamothers wrote:

Thank you !

amother

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 10:40 am

amother [ Silver ] wrote:

We are on the other side of this after months of suppositories

amother

Silver

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 11:10 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

We are on the other side of this after months of suppositories

Did u try culturelle with fiber? Reviews claim it works great.

Do not let her hold, it will stretch her colon until she has no sensation.