Neighbor question | Imamother

amother

Tue, Jan 11 2022, 8:48 pm

I had a new neighbor move in awhile ago who is divorced. I went over to introduce my self and told her if she ever needed anything she can always call. I was genuinely happy to help. The relationship got very intense very fast. Alot of my other neighbors noticed a few concerning issues, which I chose not to believe. This girl was going thru alot. I let my son play with hers and more often than not he got blamed for the trouble when there was any. The kid is very manipulative. After a few months and few scenarios that left me confused, I pulled away. At the time I was going thru some very personal struggles, and felt that the new neighbor was becoming very dependent on me. My kids were suffering as well. It was the end of the summer and I stopped going out as much. She had approached me to ask if everything was ok. I told her I wasn't mad at her. I honestly needed my space. Anyway she recently told me she wants to know what's wrong since she is getting bad vibes. I don't know how to tell her that the relationship was unhealthy and unbalanced with out hurting her.

amother

Winterberry

Tue, Jan 11 2022, 8:54 pm

The way to not hurt her is to tell her that you are the one with the problem. You had trouble creating boundaries in the relationship and you are trying to figure out a better balance. But I don’t know if that would go over well, it depends how you think she would take it.

amother

Watermelon

Tue, Jan 11 2022, 9:03 pm

Are you my neighbor? I had a very similar situation with a neighbor who isn’t divorced but has serious boundary issues. Eventually I pulled away and she’s very insulted but I did the right thing. My entire life is calmer because she’s not in it. Protect your family, be gentle if possible, but do what you gotta do.

amother

Lightpink

Tue, Jan 11 2022, 9:07 pm

Just say you think the kids are not a good fit as your son always seems to get in trouble when he’s playing with her son. Act like it’s not her son’s fault but more like some kids just don’t play well together.

bluebird

Wed, Jan 12 2022, 1:04 pm

I'd give her a gentle version of the truth: you are having some struggles and need to focus on your family for now and that means you need to pull back from others a bit. Keep in mind that friendship is a two-way street. If you feel it's unbalanced you have every right to balance it. If your son and hers aren't working out as friends it's OK to stop having playdates. As long as you're not being mean or speaking LH about her it's fine. If she's having issues with other people in the neighborhood you don't have to be the peacemaker.