Hypochondriac wife vs chilled husband

amother

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 2:11 am

Anyone have good advice how I should deal with the fact that I am a real overprotective mamma bear with my baby and my husband is a super chilled nothing fazes him type of guy who only gets frustrated when I am so protective ? Do I try to meet him in the middle and I won't be comfortable with the decision or do what I have in my mind that better safe than sorry and since I care about my baby so much that I would go to great lengths to make sure shes so perfect? It's so hard because my husband says he cares about the baby more than anything and he brings proof from most people who aren't like me like he asks "do you think most people in the world don't care about their kids because most people aren't so overprotective like you?"

Sorry not wording it right just writing what comes to my mind * he's an absolute amazing father with regard to helping out and everything just ya....

Or how can I get more chilled?

amother

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 3:10 am

amother [ Tomato ] wrote:

Can you give examples? Hard to know if you are being extreme or if he’s too careless.

I don't think he's careless but I wish he would care more..
He doesn't mind people coming close to our newborn, doesn't fully desanitize pacies after they fall, let's baby cry longer than I like....

Reading this it makes me seem so controlling

amother

Tomato

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 3:15 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

My rule is if it’s not a real danger I look away. Something I think is a danger I put my foot down.

amother

Mint

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 3:35 am

Fathers often do things differently to mothers.
It took me a long time to let go and accept, let him do things his way.
Some things I insist on, but when my husband is doing things, I’ve learnt to look away.

For example, when I take my kids out it takes me ages to get ready.
Water bottles, snacks, hats, sunscreen, sweaters etc etc
When my husband takes the kids out they get in the car and go.
It used to bother me so much that he didn’t do it ‘properly’ or I would get everything ready for him and then resent it. Now I say good bye and tell them to enjoy Smile

They work it out.

It’s not that they don’t care. they just do it differently.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 3:53 am

Looks like he has the healthier approach...

Did you know that allergies are often provoked by an overly sanitized environment? (Also disinfecting paci can kill intestinal biome)...

And avoid dishwashers if don't want your children to get allergies... even the fact that dishes are always boiled do not leave enough bacteria and germs to keep children's immune system busy, so it turns against them in form of allergies.

Letting children cry for 20 seconds before picking them up and gradually increasing the span teaches them to self-soothe... so I heard... and is practiced in countries like France... so I heard...

amother

Coral

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 4:30 am

I think most couples are like this, where the mother is more anxious and the father very easygoing. I know if I go out, and leave dh with the kids, he will just leave them to play and he'll just get on with his own thing (as in he's home and around just not on top of them). Whilst I will keep checking on the kids and wouldn't just leave them.
It's a different parenting style and I've just come to accept it. We're not the same but that's okay. As long as it isn't anything too dangerous, it's leave him be.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 4:41 am

Just trust him.

The problem is more for you: if you helicopter too much now, you will get DH used to NOT helping or he will get fed up of being told what to do, and then later you will have to do the work all on your own, and you don't want this right?

If he is ready to do his part, you have to allow him to do it on his terms, up to a certain degree, and just let go of control...

amother

Saddlebrown

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 5:00 am

Not sure they ops husband is right here. In similar situation and my husband has no problem exposing the baby to family members even though there’s so many viruses going around. Why am I overprotective if I don’t want to deal with a kvetching miserable sick three week old. It’s a constant battle with him wanting to take the baby to family and me wanting the baby home

amother

Orange

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 5:55 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Maybe you would benefit from a little therapy. You seem a little extreme.

amother

Bronze

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 6:13 am

The constant hovering isn't protecting your baby, it's harming her. I'm sure you mean the best, but please get help for your anxiety and perfectionism. Lesson number one of motherhood is that you can't control everything.

amother

Coffee

Sun, Jan 16 2022, 7:05 am

Is this your first baby? And relatively newborn im assuming?

I think you will chill out on your own over time. First children are our guinea pigs. You will figure out what works for you and DH and it will probably be a balance between the two.

But please ask your Dr about exposing your baby to normal germs. It's good for them.