Would you be ok sleeping on a trundle in a large closet

amother

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 8:48 am

3 of my kids, and their families, are coming to me winter vacation, 4 days, with the whole family
I live in S. FL, in a 2 bedroom condo, 21/2 bath

Family A- planned this trip 2 months ago
The family is my DD, SIL, 5 boys ages 10-18months. They wanted to come alone so they purposely did not tell the other couple

Family B - decided last minute, SINCE FAMILY A IS NOT GOING, what is we go
The family consist of DS, DIL, 1 boy 7, 2 girls 4&1.

The 3rd, not married DD, 27, is coming because her friends are coming, and she’ll sleep in my bed, so that’s no big deal

Is this lay out ok

Family A I’m putting in bedroom #2 it has 2 full beds and a pack n play 2 of the kids can sleep with them in the beds and 2 on the couch, or I also have sleeping bags

Family B I’m putting in my walk in closet
My closet is the size of a very large bedroom
I can put 2 trundle twin size beds and a pack n play (for the 1 yr old). The trundles are down on the floor, though. The 2 kids can sleep on a futon I have in my bedroom.

Basically the room is configured as follows- bedroom- closet- bathroom. You need to walk through the closet to get to the bathroom

Problem1- trundle beds are basically a mattress on the floor.
Problem 2- this walk-in closet is the closet to the master bedroom and master bathroom

DH, unmarried daughter and I will NOT use the master bathroom- we will use the powder room in the front. In other wards when everyone is asleep we will not be walking through the closet to go to the bathroom

If you were family B, would you be ok with this arrangement
I know they asked at the last minute, but family A kept it a secret from them that they are planning to come

The other alternative is family B gets the bedroom and everyone else stays in my room and my SIL sleeps on the couch- but they are not comfortable- tight leather couches not soft.

As a DIL would you feel comfortable

singleagain

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 8:54 am

As a person I would not want to sleep in a closet or any room where the only way through it is going through someone else's room... I had enough of that growing up. My room growing up only had an entrance through my brother's room or through my parents room and a bathroom. It was not cool for me or my brothers to be constantly dashing through their room. (Obviously I never went through my parents room)

amother

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 9:00 am

singleagain wrote:

So I let my Son- in- law sleep on the uncomfortable couches and have 9 ppl in my bedroom? It is an option

amother

Teal

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 9:03 am

I would tell family b that a is coming (maybe “last minute “yes but asked first)
Can’t imagine sleeping in a closet when others are sleeping in the room and only way is thru
Nice of you to try to accommodate but trying to please everyone usually ends up with no one pleased
Also is family a ok with b coming? Does b know a is coming?
Too involved for me I’d feel it won’t work and they must take turns
Rules do change as families grow B”H and sounds like time for some new guidelines
Do what works for you as well.
Hugs and hatzlocha

cuffs

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 9:04 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I think you’re a tzadiekes to have everyone over. Give them each a call and tell them the sleeping arrangements. This is what it is. They can decide if they still want to come.

watergirl

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 9:05 am

Start by making sure all families know who will be coming. Family A may back out if they know it will be this crowded, which seems like something they wanted to avoid. Then your problem would be solved (and a new one created). 14 in a 2 bedroom condo, no matter how large, is a ton.

ETA - I see I cross posted with a few people who had the same thought as me.

Last edited by watergirl on Sun, Jan 23 2022, 9:10 am; edited 3 times in total

Chayalle

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 9:09 am

Tell family B that you would love to have them, but this is what you can offer. It's their choice if they want the accommodations you can offer, since they asked last and you had already booked the other accommodations for family A.

And BTW - I don't think any family has "rights" to their parents' home by keeping their coming secret. It's the parents' home, and they have the right to host all their kids. If they want to be alone, they can book a hotel too.

amother

Teal

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 9:09 am

I’d bite the bullet op and tell the truth. Family A is coming if they say why didn’t you tell us right away tell the truth you would love for everyone to come and were trying to work out a way to host everyone but realize now it won’t work and have to take turns if they plan to stay with you. Do it as soon as possible.
You mean well and sound very generous and lovely.
Hugs and hatzlocha

amother

Teal

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 9:18 am

Op factor yourself in as well.
Unless you are really wanting them all to come this sounds like a lot of people for a 2 bdr 2 1/2 bath
You are also allowed to be comfortable and have some privacy. As well as some say and right to set boundaries and guidelines. Better now . When dd gets married and as families grow hopefully soon you will have even more to figure 😁
Again it is normal and necessary that things change with different dynamics

amother

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 9:23 am

At this point everyone knows that they all are coming

Family B called us before booking but they pouted and my husband felt bad
I tried asking for them to come a different weekend
But they want to come this weekend because it seems all the tri state area is here.

Family A don’t want to disappoint the kids
The kids call me everyday with the weather report and tell me how freezing they are
Even though they are in the house warm and toasty

I tried finding a hotel or Airbnb with in walking distance because of Shabbos
NONE

It’s 4 days
Besides coming in and out and the beds being on the floor, it’s quite comfortable
The closet is 15’ by 15’ (yes it’s not a typo) and they will have their own en-suite

Basically I’m asking option A or option B

amother

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 9:29 am

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

Yes I understand
If it was up to me I would send the adults on vacation and keep the kids with me
That’s all I care is to be with the little ones
I miss them so much
And they’ll be out by the Pool all day
If the weather doesn’t permit we have playrooms galore.

They usually take turns,

Family B- lives far from any family so they are thrilled to all be together, but I haven’t told them the sleeping arrangements
Family A adults are disappointed they really needed to relax they had a stressful medical situation that B”H turned out to not be as concerning as first thought

Is it better for family B to sleep out in the living room/dining room?

amother

Lily

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 9:32 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Doesn't matter - this is what it is. Tell everyone upfront what their options are. They can make decisions accordingly.

Edit in my situation if I was A and I knew B was coming, I'd back out and get a hotel whether you're offended or not. I have my own reasons for not wanting to go to my parents house with certain siblings. Especially if sleeping arrangements change.

amother

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 9:36 am

amother [ Lily ] wrote:

Yes but is it ok to put them on trundle beds in a room that the only way out is through my bedroom
I’m mostly concerned with DIL,
Or is it better to put SIL on the couch.

There are absolutely NOTHING available in my area and DD doesn’t want to disappoint her kids

amother

Calendula

Sun, Jan 23 2022, 9:40 am

It feels like a recipe for disaster. As the parent, you have a right to say only one family at a time.
If A wouldn't be coming, would B be interested in coming themselves? I don't think the secret part is so relevant, as long as you were informed.

If A comes this midwinter, B has first dibs next midwinter. I'd tell B they can stay nearby and hang out with you, eat meals etc.

My parents have a place in Florida, and we don't all fit. We take turns in the home and otherwise have an option to stay nearby and use my parents amenities.