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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children
Is there any hope for my son?
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 23 2022, 8:22 am
It sounds like wherever DS is at the moment, it's not a good fit.

How willing is he to talk to you?

What would be involved in getting him home, so you can discuss further and figure out good options?

Of course it's not too late! They're called bochrim because they're of age to choose. Sometimes, people make wrong choices, and some of those wrong choices can be harder to grow past than others. But with love, davening, time, and good eitza, there's much reason to hope.
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mommy9




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jan 23 2022, 9:14 am
sequoia wrote:
No we haven’t. They were needed on the farm, store, family business, etc.

At no point in history could most or many families get by without the help of young men.

If you mean “extremely wealthy people who were also super religious,” that’s a very small category.

There were always people who did. Not super wealthy but ready to sacrifice their sons help on the farm or in the store for the sake of their learning.
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amother
Dustypink


 

Post Sun, Jan 23 2022, 9:58 am
mommy9 wrote:
There were always people who did. Not super wealthy but ready to sacrifice their sons help on the farm or in the store for the sake of their learning.


Those are the key words right there. There were people who did, but it wasn't a mass movement where everyone in a particular circle was expected to go. People made choices that were the best fit for themselves as per their unique circumstances. Right now, we don't have that luxury. We set one standard for the community and everyone is expected to follow.

There are pros and cons to everything, dorming included. A dorming environment can do wonders for some kids but be detrimental to others. If only, our society offers parents' the freedom to truly do what's best for their kids instead of creating these superficial & detrimental constraints that we all force our kids into.

We force our kids into a tight box, and then use that tight box as a measuring stick of their character. And we, the parents, just willingly play along, all the while watching how so many of our kids get hurt in the process. It's so sad.
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amother
Pumpkin


 

Post Tue, Jan 25 2022, 9:05 am
My heart breaks with yours.
I’m in a similar boat as you and I feel like my world is coming apart.
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Cindy Stein




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2022, 4:39 pm
amother [ Cornsilk ] wrote:
I agree with everything you said except he should go to FISCHERS!!
Perfect place for boys like this it’s mamish the best place ever


Can you please send me more information on Fischers.
Thanks
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2022, 5:07 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
This brokenhearted mother has recently been made aware that my older teenager son, who's in yeshiva away from home, was until recently a very ehrliche boy, has made some changes, got himself a smartphone, into shmutz. Not really davening or learning etc.
I am shocked and devastated and trying to figure out where we go from here. What made him change course etc.
I am also looking for chizuk. Can anyone tell me - can my son get back on track with the right help - and regain his purity and ehrlichkeit and love for yiddishkeit? Or is my child now ruined inside, having been exposed to who knows how much garbage.


I’m so sorry and I hope mothers who fall for the fad and send their kids away to dorm and be influenced, and have strong peer pressure and freedom at the same time, will think twice.
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amother
Cherry


 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2022, 5:19 pm
amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:
I’m so sorry and I hope mothers who fall for the fad and send their kids away to dorm and be influenced, and have strong peer pressure and freedom at the same time, will think twice.

On the other hand, thousands of boys who went to dorm thrived, grew spiritually, matured, and became much more of a mencsh than they would’ve had they stayed home.
It’s not about falling for the fad. It’s about trying to do what’s best for the tachlis of the child and locking a teenage boy up at home is definitely not the ideal for most. No guarantee that they turn out better by staying home (And often understimulated, looking for outlets).
Wherever they are, they need loads of siyata dishmaya. That is the bottom line.
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amother
Hosta


 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2022, 6:43 pm
amother [ Chocolate ] wrote:
I’m so sorry and I hope mothers who fall for the fad and send their kids away to dorm and be influenced, and have strong peer pressure and freedom at the same time, will think twice.


It's really rude to say something like this to someone who is in so much pain.

Besides, sending teen boys to dorm isn't a fad. It's been going on for years. If anything it's less common these days because in cities with large frum populations there are multiple high schools choices for them. Some people live in a smaller city and dont have a choice. Some parents send their sons to dorm because they think it's the best option for their son. Nobody does it because it's a fad.
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Not_in_my_town




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 14 2022, 6:48 pm
He's going to be okay.

He will.

He's in pain, for reasons you may not even know. He has to work through the pain.

The changes are just a symptom of pain. They are not the problem, even though it feels like it to you.

Give him love and support.

He will be okay, though he may different than you envisioned for him.

And that's okay.

Every one has a shtikel tzadik in him, always.

Look for the good. Pray for the best.
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