Should I keep him home?

amother

Midnight

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 10:53 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you for the tips! I would plan to do similar, however I am in my third trimester and get very tired - its hard to get him in and out of the car several times and worse bec its so cold out.
Do you worry about your dd not having social interaction? Diff is for you, she has siblings I guess..

Yes so the siblings help but I like to think I’m a person too! It’s good for kids to bond with their parents. Yes she does need friends so I try to bring her over to some neighbors or cousins but not every day more like once a week.

amother

Arcticblue

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 11:38 pm

I would definitely pull out for the safety issue and lack of communication. If your child is reluctant to go, that’s a telling sign that he’s not happy and the most he can express about it.

I can totally relate to your dilemma as I had a very similar issue. My son (who is my first and almost 2 years old) was in a daycare for a few hours a day. I had some concerns about him being developmentally behind and every time I asked the morah how he was doing in those areas all I would get was ‘fine’ and never more details. I was due with my second and debated pulling my first out of daycare for multiple reasons. I was also worried how I would do it with a toddler and newborn. I decided to pull him out regardless. I didn’t think it was right to keep him somewhere where it obviously wasn’t healthy for him.

Turns out it’s hard but totally manageable. The first week I needed some extra help and had to figure out a schedule but after that BH things have been pretty smooth. I am currently 5.5 weeks pp. I hang out on the couch with my newborn and my toddler plays in front of me on the floor. I constantly talk to him as he plays and sometimes he picks up toys to play with me. Sometimes he climbs on the couch next to me and we cuddle.

I’m honestly happy with my decision as I’m able to bond with him so much more now that we are home together. Also, since he is not in daycare, he doesn’t bring home another sickness every other week which is healthier for the baby. I arrange a play date for him with my neighbors once or twice a week and take him to the playground once a week. So far it’s working out really well for us.

Best of luck in your decision!

amother

Lemonchiffon

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 11:46 pm

I agree that this playgroup does not sound like the right place for your son, and he should not stay there. I hear your concerns about entertaining at this point in your pregnancy and when you have a new baby. Even though it's unlikely to get a spot in another playgroup at this point in the year, you never know if something might have opened up somewhere. I was once in a similar situation, where a playgroup wasn't working out for my child mid-year, and I almost miraculously found her a spot that had just opened up in another local playgroup where she did beautifully from the first day. Maybe you can post/e-mail in a local chat or e-mail group to ask if anyone knows of anything.

Hatzlacha and b'shaa tova!

amother

Lemonlime

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 11:49 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

This is why I've kept him there until now, even though I've had my misgivings. More for selfish reasons of how I'll handle no sleep etc and toddler. He is pretty high maintenance and needs my constant attention. He's my first Smile

I have a toddler with a very very similar scenerio. I would not pull him out unless I found somewhere else.

I think specifically because of his challenges he should be around other kids. From what you’re describing he’s following around the Morah like he follows you around the house.

My child’s situation improved greatly when I got her the right therapies. They go to the daycare so I like that she gets the individual attention +they help interfere it in the group.

Obviously if you felt there was something imminently unsafe that would be different.

amother

Lemonlime

Wed, Jan 26 2022, 11:51 pm

amother [ Arcticblue ] wrote:

Your toddler is a lot younger…

LittleMissMama

Thu, Jan 27 2022, 11:20 am

Many many women in the regular world do not send a 2 year old to nursery. You shall be fine. 14 to 1 is a ridiculous ratio and not safe, no way around it. Don't listen to some foolish poster who says it's the norm by her. To the poster, can you handle 14 toddlers/young kids on your own???

Anyhow, my solution for you, OP, because you need suggestions more than chizzuk, is to take the money you get back or stop paying and put it towards a mother's helper. Find someone to take your son out and about once a day or give him one on one attention in your home while you focus on the baby. Spend the money on more cleaning help or takeout, or whatever will lessen your stress. Hatzlacha

amother

Thu, Jan 27 2022, 12:37 pm

amother [ Lemonlime ] wrote:

For you it worked though bec of the therapies. It is very hard here to get those kinds of therapies/evaluations. Right now waiting for them to get back to me. However in the meantime, not sure how much he's gaining and bec of the lack of communication I'm not clear about what even happens there during the day

amother

Thu, Jan 27 2022, 12:37 pm

amother [ Lemonchiffon ] wrote:

thank you so much! I'm definitely trying to find another place. Or even to send him to someone I know whose home with her toddler, once a week

amother

Thu, Jan 27 2022, 12:39 pm

LittleMissMama wrote:

thank you so much for your post! Mix of validation and practical advise really resonated. I'm going to do exactly that, spend more on toys/activities. Not sure I'll find a mother's helper, they seem in short supply these days...

amother

Thu, Jan 27 2022, 12:43 pm

oneofakind wrote:

Although it isn't ideal, I don't see how he'll have more social interaction by being at home with his mother and soon a newborn. By all means, try to find him a better place and consider an evaluation but don't pull him out until you have another place.

thing is, that has been my viewpoint for the past 2 months. But it's still an unsafe situation, he's still telling me he doesn't want to go every other morning, and he's still not interacting with anyone.
Is that more beneficial?
I'm trying to brainstorm ideas for social interaction - maybe send once a week to another mother who is home with her toddler. Maybe have someone take him to an indoor play place once a week. He definitely will not be home all day with me doing nothing. And working on the evaluation.

At this age, how much social interaction does he need? And is it just as good to go to a play place once a week (playgrounds too cold) where theres different kids each time, vs having same kids in playgroup?

FranticFrummie

Thu, Jan 27 2022, 12:58 pm

LittleMissMama wrote:

I agree with this 100%. Kids can catch up on social skills with a little support. When asking a teacher "how is my child doing" the answer should never be "fine". That is not OK! "Dovi seems to like playing with Shmueli, but today they were fighting over the train set. Once I got them calmed down they played very nicely again." Even something like "Dovi was in a really good mood today." or "Dovi seemed kind of sad today." is more info than just "fine."

If you are in Beit Shemesh, I'm a mother's helper, and I have a few afternoon/evening slots available.

amother

Lemonlime

Thu, Jan 27 2022, 4:00 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I paid a therapist privately for several months. While I know that’s not doable for everyone it can be an option. It was very hard to get the services.