Pre-teen with major drama-queen issues

happymom

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 7:12 pm

I think it helps to deal with them the way u would have wanted to be treatd by your mother at that age. I remember being a teenager and hopefully that will help me when my kids are teens. I hope I will be able to better understand them...

Motek

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 7:42 pm

MahPitom wrote:

I don’t believe in payback.

I believe in midda k'neged midda (measure for measure).

as far as what you can do - where is your husband in this - it can be helpful for a father to speak to a child about respect for their mother and vice versa

raizy

Thu, Mar 27 2008, 9:40 pm

sorry I dont believe in payback. I used to help my mother . alot. loving and willing. and then I went to help my neighbor bc she had too many children. I used to clean her house and help with the children. and I never asked for money.so where is the payback. who is helping me. no one. I only have one dd. and she is great but she is also too young.

that lady always said I will pay u back when u are married and send my dds to u. well she moved away before I got married.

and as far as money. I asked my neighbor child to help me and she wants 7 and hr.... my cleaning help takes 10 ... so who do u think I use more. my cleaning help . bc the girl wont even clean up for me and my c help will.I used to take 4... and I did it alot of times for free.... and I wasnt the only one my friends all did it for free and helped the neighbors and now the children wont help us!!!!

TzenaRena

Thu, Mar 27 2008, 10:31 pm

happymom wrote:

happymom, I am going to check back on you in about ten years, to see if you will even remember what you were like as a teen. I was of course a perfect angel, so it's irrelevant how I'd have wanted to be spoken to then. I remember my sister's teen years quite clearly though Wink

and Motek, about this midah kneged midah thing, well even though I admit not to have actually been such a perfect angel, I was pretty patient with the adults in my family, considering that I thought I knew so much better LOL

.... and I really was not chutzpah'dik, for the most part - practicing tolerance and self-control in spite of any annoyance or greivance. But I find that the ones who were, are so much more capable of dealing with children's chutzpah, whether their own children or talmidim/os, and I seem not to have a clue Scratching Head

MahPitom

Sat, Mar 29 2008, 10:26 pm

I have a strange update. In the last 2 weeks, I had two emergencies where I was out and had to reply on my daughter to help keep the house running. I was astounded how she handled everything! She told the cleaning lady what I need her to do next, bathed the kids and dressed everyone for Shabbos, set the table, and warmed me up kugel and set it on the table for me for when I came home, close to Shabbos!

All that time I did not stop telling her how proud I was blah blah… and repeated to everyone who came to visit in the next 2 days how proud I am blah blah. She enjoyed it.

It just pains me that I have to be in a mad crisis for her to kick in. What’s up with that!

hindas

Wed, Apr 02 2008, 3:45 pm

HA HA, welcome to the club Very Happy

I was in despair with my 13 yr old and I spoke to my friend who has raised 5 teenage girls and she told me that from a certain age the mother Exploding anger

is the number one enemy Twisted Evil

.
she told me never argue - its not worth it LOL

she told me to have plenty of time out - yes me not my daughter! Very Happy

the other day I sent my husband with her to buy shoes, he achieved in half an hour what would have taken me 3 hours and a severe migraine LOL

if anyone has any further tricks, then please tell,
and good luck Wink

Hinda

MahPitom

Wed, Apr 02 2008, 4:02 pm

Okay I can make peace with being an enemy etc. I also find that I can send her out to the stores herself with money and a cellphone and she finds stuff for herself! Last night she walked 12 blocks to the dentist (gladly) and came home with all her things fixed up.

MahPitom

Sun, Apr 06 2008, 6:30 pm

So last Sunday we finally found a Shabbos outfit for her after going to every store for three Sundays in a row. After trying on every possible skirt in the store, we picked one B’H/; After I walked out I told her that she behaved exceptionally nice and she can pick a matching headband! She was so excited… she didn’t find anything in her ‘taste’ yet until this week. Standing in the store while she was agonizing over two almost identical looking headbands tested every ounce of patience that I ever had, however I pulled through. She finally picked one and felt so good, in control! I can’t believe how much I’ve grown!

happymom

Sun, Apr 06 2008, 10:50 pm

Quote:

happymom, I am going to check back on you in about ten years, to see if you will even remember what you were like as a teen.

and I think I will. I do that with my three year old. I try hard in stressful situations to put myself in her shoes and it helps me deal with situations alot better then I would if I were to let my emotions take over.

HindaRochel

Mon, Apr 07 2008, 2:22 am

hindas wrote:

HA HA, welcome to the club Very Happy

I was in despair with my 13 yr old and I spoke to my friend who has raised 5 teenage girls and she told me that from a certain age the mother Exploding anger

Just don't take it personally.

My oldest is a girl. She went from following me and my friends around as if she were a puppy dog to warfare overnight. I was, in her mind, inept, wrong, and probably worse than a serial killer. It was so fun.

But now she is a doll. Very loving and fun to talk with.

My second daugher, fourth child, isn't so bad. She does storm off because I ask her to help or suggest she do something with her hair, but at least I'm not starting to wonder if I have a split personality and do dasterdly deeds when I'm not aware.

I'm just a stupid parent.

happymom

Mon, Apr 07 2008, 12:31 pm

its easier to go in the mind and hearts of our kids. teenagers want to feel indepenmdant and they are very hormonal. open communication, and lots of postiivity, and letting them be who they are (or figuring out who they are) without too many suggestions, I think is the only way to deal with it.

zufriedene

Wed, Apr 23 2008, 6:30 am

I just want to comfort all mothers of teenage children, My youngest is KEH grown up by now, but I've been thru whatever is described above. I did survive and today BH have an exceptional relationship with my children If I'd have the common sense I have now. I would have allowed for more open talk, allow them to express frustration and point out to me when I erred . Its usually not chutzpa, that's what I know today, Its usually distress, I feel this open trend of communication allows for the great relationship I have today. Today I also welcome them to share any childhood scars and memories that aren't so complimentery to my way of doing things. This way I can say I"m sorry and make sure they have no unfinished business with me. Again I say, I wish I would've done all his when they were all at home, never the less, better now then never!!