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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Purim
Participated in group mm, but didn't give individually...



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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Mar 17 2022, 10:34 pm
This year in each of my kids' classes the parents collected money to give a mm together. I participated in all of those, but didn't give individually in addition to that. I thought of it and wanted to, especially for one teacher who really went out of her way for my daughter. But my husband really thought it would be silly to give twice like that (thought anyone who does that is silly) and we didn't.

Now Purim is over and I'm feeling badly that I didn't. My daughter (the one I'm talking about) mentioned that "a lot of" girls brought nice mm to the teacher (brought to school) so I see that maybe the group one really was not understood by many to replace that.

Anyway... help me feel better about this?

I know I will do differently next year, but I want to feel better about this now...

Sigh. The post-Purim blues!
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amother
Skyblue


 

Post Thu, Mar 17 2022, 10:55 pm
Should've could've and would've don't really help. It's okay. She won't think less of you because you didn't send separately also. Don't let feeling guilty get to you!
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Mar 17 2022, 11:35 pm
Thank you.

I really am worrying that she will think less of me Sad
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Mar 17 2022, 11:49 pm
or maybe more to the point--I feel like I missed a chance to thank her in particular and I really want to.

can it be that there is another way I can do this now, independent of purim?
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amother
Steel


 

Post Thu, Mar 17 2022, 11:54 pm
I don’t see why not.
A thank you note is nice anytime!
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dena613




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 17 2022, 11:55 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
or maybe more to the point--I feel like I missed a chance to thank her in particular and I really want to.

can it be that there is another way I can do this now, independent of purim?


Yes!

I wouldn't wait until the year is over.
Maybe give a pesach gift and heartfelt thank you card?
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amother
Wine


 

Post Fri, Mar 18 2022, 12:25 am
You can thank a teacher any time!
If you want an "occasion", pre-pesach is very appreciated. Especially for limudei kodesh teachers who work extra extra hard before pesach.
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amother
Lemonchiffon


 

Post Fri, Mar 18 2022, 2:42 am
Maybe I'm stupid but what's the point of group MM if you're expected to give separately...?
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 18 2022, 10:37 am
So many teachers here have attested that the sincere notes are appreciated more than the MM, which most people don’t even want so close to Pesach. A note of appreciation doesn’t get stale or make you fat.
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Mar 18 2022, 10:59 am
some klp chocolate (or giftcard, tip wtvr) the last day of school before pesach is a lovely gesture.
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amother
Yolk


 

Post Fri, Mar 18 2022, 11:57 am
amother [ Lemonchiffon ] wrote:
Maybe I'm stupid but what's the point of group MM if you're expected to give separately...?


I don't think there is an expectation to give separately, but some parents (and kids) want to give something extra to specific teachers they feel close to or want to show extra hakaras hatov. Nothign wrong with that.
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amother
Feverfew


 

Post Fri, Mar 18 2022, 12:12 pm
That's why I stopped giving to the group mm cuz everyone ends up giving separately too.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Mar 20 2022, 3:45 am
Thanks!

I would love more help envisioning exactly how to do this (I feel like for Purim there's a structure for it, not really for just any old time).

We are not in the US so an emailed gift card--well, it might be possible but I don't know if it would be useful for her or how to do it.

Give something to my kid to give to her? What? Mail her a card? Just feeling like I can't quite see how to do it.

I do send her text messages periodically thanking her and acknowledging how much she has done for my kid (in between other messages that are more like asking her for help or information). So it's not like she has never heard from me or never been thanked by me. But she is an exceptionally above and beyond teacher.

I see a bunch of people responded here that I didn't see previously, including some ideas of how to do it (a bar of KLP chocolate or gift card on the last day before Pesach, with a card). Thanks! Any more specific ideas are welcome.

Nice to see I am not the only one who finds the combo of group plus individuals a little confusing.

If I send something like this before Pesach--will it look like "I forgot on Purim, oops here I am catching up" type of thing? Or is that my social anxiety talking?

Other worry--will I then be left without anything to do at the end of the year? Because I already planned to give a gift card/cash and choc and thank-you card combo then.
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amother
Pearl


 

Post Sun, Mar 20 2022, 5:44 am
I had the same question this year! For my 3 and 5 yr olds in gan (Israel), they collected 20 shekels from each kid. They said they gave to each teacher, assistant, and weekly substitute from that money. So that's max like 300 shekels from the class (30-ish kids) for the main teacher. They say they give a small MM and a general gift card. But that's so little, no?? They'd get way more (maybe not money though) if we just did individual.

But my MM weren't done until they were already done with gan until after Purim. So I didn't give... I considered taking dds to deliver on Purim (they really wanted to!), but only the assistants live nearby, so I thought it would be worse to give to assistants and not teachers. Dh said I can send when they go back to school, but that seemed weirder. So I didn't give... Feel bad about it, too. I always think the group gift makes it easier bc then you don't have to figure out what to give, but now I'm not so sure. I like the pre-Pesach chocolate and note idea. I think I'll iy"H do that. Thanks all!
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