Seminary and Co-dependancy

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Have you been in a co-dependant relationship in Seminary

Yes. Full out

27%

[ 13 ]

Yes. But it was just emotional and occupied too much of my headspace

18%

[ 9 ]

No, But I know someone who was

52%

[ 25 ]

No. And I don’t know anyone who was

[ 1 ]

Total Votes : 48

amother

Aubergine

Sun, Mar 20 2022, 4:46 pm

I had a girl in my HS class who was also in my seminary class. She had an extreme need to control someone. She chose a super sweet girls (from a very normal family) who was also a friend of mine. She would invite her to her house and keep her there for hours. This was pre cell phone days and she wouldn't answer her home phone. My friend's mother would call me to find out if I knew where she was. I don't think there was anything physical involved. I told my friend months in advance that when this girls would invite to her house for Shabbaton she should tell her I already invited her. Well this didn't make the controlling girl too happy and she tried intimidating me but it didn't work.
We all landed up in the same seminary and there she chose a different friend. They would sit together very closely for hours on end and this was probably the first time in my life I suspected 2 women might have a physical relationship of some sort.
It did create an awareness for me and was a deciding factor for one of my daughters to go to a different high school than my other girls.

amother

Burntblack

Sun, Mar 20 2022, 5:01 pm

Also I think it should be clarified that this is 2 different things.
Codependency doesn't have to be a physical relationship and a physical relationship doesn't have to be condependant.

amother

Burntblack

Sun, Mar 20 2022, 10:50 pm

amother [ Cornsilk ] wrote:

Maybe it is and maybe it's not but this is what codependency looks like. And what you described was NOT codepdancy.

Its clearly common enough that both the Ami kids magazine had a children's serial comic and the teen pages in Mishpacha Jr. had a serial that showed that level of an unhealthy friendship.

I was really surprised to see a children's comic on codependency but honestly I'm hlaf they raised awareness. It's important.

Do you remember what the serial was called?

amother

Cyclamen

Sun, Mar 20 2022, 11:41 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

To all mom's of sem students/alumnae.

Have you or your daughter been a co-dependent/physical relationship whilst in Sem?
Just trying to figure out how prevalent this is.

Co-dependency and physical are different relationships

amother

Magenta

Sun, Mar 20 2022, 11:57 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I teach in several seminaries/high schools and the most common question I get is from girls suffering with obsessions/physical relationships.

I sometimes wonder if this is truly so prominent, then perhaps girls dont really belong over seas away from home. Are we losing more than we are gaining?

Trying to clarify setting as you mention hs, sem, and overseas. Do you also work with girls being sent overseas for hs?

What type of sem do you work in?

What is the most common question you get?

amother

Cinnamon

Mon, Mar 21 2022, 12:06 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Meant to add that option in, not sure how to edit it now.

You need to ask the mods to add the option. Maybe report you post and ask for it idk any other way or pm Yael

added poll option

amother

Daylily

Mon, Mar 21 2022, 12:42 am

Didn't go to seminary but had physical relationship in camp. It is more common than you think. Currently in therapy to heal myself. Taking a while

amother

DarkRed

Mon, Mar 21 2022, 12:46 am

amother [ Daylily ] wrote:

Didn't go to seminary but had physical relationship in camp. It is more common than you think. Currently in therapy to heal myself. Taking a while

I'm sorry if this is an insensitive question, and it's not directed only at you... but when healing is necessary, is it because there was manipulation, unequal power, or pressure involved? In other words, if it's completely consensual between girls who are simply horny and later move on quickly and happily to dating boys, is there also leftover trauma or healing that needs to take place?

amother

Cornsilk

Mon, Mar 21 2022, 12:49 am

amother [ Burntblack ] wrote:

Do you remember what the serial was called?

Both serials were published in the past year or so. You can try to email them to ask. I believe the Ami one was Summer something. I totally forget the teen pages one but that one was much more graphic and showed a much worse relationship.

amother

Daylily

Mon, Mar 21 2022, 1:34 am

amother [ DarkRed ] wrote:

In my case there was no manipulation at all we both loved each other very much. My problem was and is the way it was broken up in a very traumatic way and I still can't get past it. I'm also in therapy to deal with other things having to do with my very easily obsessed kinda personality which is affecting my marriage. That's just my personality. Many many girls can move on quickly if the relationship was ended in a healthy normal way

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