How to explain death to inquisitive, thinking 3yr old

amother

Wed, Apr 20 2022, 5:43 am

My grandfather passed away a few months ago. I told my children about his death, we talked about it, and I left the door open for them to ask questions etc. They all seemed to have taken it fairly well bh.

Yesterday, we went to visit my grandmother and my 3.5 yr old has been asking me non-stop about my grandfather. Where is he? Is he broken? When is he coming back? What's he doing? I am ok talking about death. I am answering his questions as truthfully and as best as I can. He isn't satisfied.
He remembers my grandfather being there and now I guess it just hit him that he hasn't seen my grandfather the last few times we've visited my grandmother. I showed him pictures of my grandfather and we talked about what he remembers about him. But the questions just don't stop.
How can I explain it to him differently than I am doing now? Any kids books that address this topic?

Momafewx

Wed, Apr 20 2022, 5:51 am

We all have a Neshama. Neshamas are from hashem and He put them in bodies so we can run, eat and do mitzvos! Grandpas Neshama was done its job and hashem took it back. It's near hashem now. We can't see Grandpa now and we might feel sad but he's with hashem and he's safe.

Momafewx

Wed, Apr 20 2022, 5:54 am

Also 3.5 is a little young, but for your older ones abie rotenburgs neshamale song is a great way to discuss death.

amother

Honeydew

Wed, Apr 20 2022, 6:26 am

I have a young student who described it as "someone whose life is finished."

LittleDucky

Wed, Apr 20 2022, 6:53 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It is totally normal for a 3 year old to keep asking about it. They don't understand about what "permanent" means. Just keep answering their questions. It's hard for the parent because each time they ask it brings it up again and it might make you cry. But let them know it is ok to ask but it might make mommy cry because she is sad she will never see Zaide again. But she/he should keep asking... (you dont want to make it shameful to ask or that they shouldnt ask questions).
Kids might ask dozens of times. Or more.
Focus on the fact that they are dead, we wont see them again... euphemisms confuse kids. "Went to Shamayim" can mean they are coming back. Like going on a plane.
"Sick" can mean a cold and you dont want them worried that a cold will kill them.

Make sure they know that death usually happens when someone is very very old after a very long time but you (and other family members) do everything possible to stay far away from death- eat healthy, see doctors etc so you can spend many many years together until they are a mommy/daddy.

Amelia Bedelia

Wed, Apr 20 2022, 7:38 am

Where Has Zaidy Gone? https://www.amazon.com/dp/1600.....QC9ER

amother

Lightblue

Wed, Apr 20 2022, 8:52 am

"He went to live with Hashem."

amother

Dandelion

Wed, Apr 20 2022, 9:22 am

I told my 2 year old that my father went to the himmel (shomayim) and will come back when moshiach comes and the Bais hamikdash is rebuilt.

He was and still is very ok with that two years later and talks about it very matter of fact.