Break a friendship

amother

Thu, Apr 28 2022, 9:25 pm

We applied to sleep away camp for my 13 yo dd. She worked it out that she'll be going with her best friend. Now she's getting cold feet and she's nervous that she'll be very homesick. (She is very close and attached to me). Hub and I feel that maybe she needs another year of maturity and development and next summer might be a better option for her to go to camp. She keeps saying shes wants to stay home cuz shes nervous to go to camp but keeps saying that she feels a tremendous pressure not to dissapoint her friend. We keep telling her that she has to do what's best for her and a friend that will drop her because of this is not a real friend. She mentioned it to her friend that she might not end up going to camp. The girl is really upset. My daughter asked her if she would break a good friendship because of this and she said yes. I'm not sure how it will pan out but we as parents know what's best for our daughter. What do u think?

amother

Blushpink

Thu, Apr 28 2022, 9:28 pm

I wouldn't say that at 13, dropping a friend because of this is not a real friend. If the friend is only going because of your daughter is going, I don't blame the friend for being really upset if your daughter backs out. For a 13 year old, it's a valid reason to break a friendship. If I'd be the mother of the friend, I'd be very upset as well. Maybe have your daughter try it for a week or 2 and take it from there?

amother

Red

Thu, Apr 28 2022, 9:28 pm

Well depends what the story is.
If her friend knows no one else at that camp and only chose it because of your daughter, I would understand why she is upset.
I would break off with such a friend too.
Your daughter might have a responsibility to keep her commitments then.
She doesn't get to play around with the girls plans and then still stay here friend.
Her actions have consequences.

amother

Brass

Thu, Apr 28 2022, 9:29 pm

1) 13 is definitely not young to go to sleep away.
2) you need to do what is best for your DD.
3) how would your DD feel if she was all excited and nervous to go to camp and was counting on her friend to be there for her and help her adjust and then bailed on her.

amother

Chestnut

Thu, Apr 28 2022, 9:30 pm

Yes, you do have to do what's best for your daughter.

That being said, will your daughter backing out leave her friend in a difficult spot? Meaning did the other girl only sign up because your daughter agreed to go? Does the other girl have other friends that will be there if your daughter doesn't go?

If the other girl would never have agreed to go without your daughter and doesn't know anyone else going, she'll be in a very difficult spot. No, you shouldn't force your daughter to go, but I can understand why the other girl would be very upset.

amother

Thu, Apr 28 2022, 9:35 pm

It was something they planned together to go to camp, they were both accepted first half and the girl convinced her to switch to 2nd with her. That girl does not get homesick she's slept at my house quite a few times.

amother

Violet

Fri, Apr 29 2022, 12:07 am

I would feel so bad for the friend. The bad for your DD because of the situation and difficulty. How long is the camp? I think it’s natural to be nervous and home sick but it can also be empowering to learn to be away from home yet in a supportive environment.

amother

Mistyrose

Fri, Apr 29 2022, 12:08 am

At age 13, I feel like if your daughter is still very attached to you, she should prob go to camp. At a certain point, kids need to grow up. She was obviously excited about this and isn’t going alone but now is having cold feet and freaked out. She sounds like she’s ready to go and just needs a push. I would tell her it isn’t fair to her friend and try to reassure her instead of baby her.