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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
Need Support! Any moms with DMDD (Personality Disorder)kids?
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amother
Offwhite


 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2022, 5:04 am
amother [ Seashell ] wrote:
Same. My son seemed to be wired this way from birth.

Does that mean there’s no hope for these children in the future?! I wonder what the professionals say?
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amother
Tiffanyblue


 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2022, 5:55 am
For those who said their child is on medication, specifically mood stabilizers, how old was your child when they started? My husband and I have discussed it as possibly something DD may need but she's still young so I don't know at what point it should be something we consider for real vs giving therapy more time. It's just so hard dealing with a cold who can fall apart at any moment. It takes such a toll on the whole family. And I feel like I'm short changing my other children. For example, I spent nearly 30 minutes this morning just getting this child out of bed and getting her to get dressed. But that means I wasn't available to help my other children get breakfast etc. I have such a hard time figuring out how to balance her needs and still be able to be there for my other kids.
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amother
Seashell


 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2022, 2:24 pm
amother [ Tiffanyblue ] wrote:
For those who said their child is on medication, specifically mood stabilizers, how old was your child when they started? My husband and I have discussed it as possibly something DD may need but she's still young so I don't know at what point it should be something we consider for real vs giving therapy more time. It's just so hard dealing with a cold who can fall apart at any moment. It takes such a toll on the whole family. And I feel like I'm short changing my other children. For example, I spent nearly 30 minutes this morning just getting this child out of bed and getting her to get dressed. But that means I wasn't available to help my other children get breakfast etc. I have such a hard time figuring out how to balance her needs and still be able to be there for my other kids.

We started our son on meds at 10. First tried anti-anxiety meds, but they made him more angry and irritable, so we switched to a mood stabilizer.
About short-changing your other children, I totally struggle the same way. I end up spending SO much time on this child and it takes away from my younger children. I greatly resent that. It also creates a chaotic stressful home environment that is nearly impossible for anyone of us to function in. Sad
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amother
Raspberry


 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2022, 4:22 pm
amother [ Tiffanyblue ] wrote:
For those who said their child is on medication, specifically mood stabilizers, how old was your child when they started? My husband and I have discussed it as possibly something DD may need but she's still young so I don't know at what point it should be something we consider for real vs giving therapy more time. It's just so hard dealing with a cold who can fall apart at any moment. It takes such a toll on the whole family. And I feel like I'm short changing my other children. For example, I spent nearly 30 minutes this morning just getting this child out of bed and getting her to get dressed. But that means I wasn't available to help my other children get breakfast etc. I have such a hard time figuring out how to balance her needs and still be able to be there for my other kids.

We started at 7. Been in various therapies since he was a toddler and is still in therapy. Therapy without the meds was definitely not nearly enough. World of a difference both at home and school. Meds = less agitation = finally making friends, better focus (can't focus when too agitated) and a better quality of life for everyone. Just be prepared that it can take a while to get the meds right.
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Tortoise




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2022, 6:35 pm
amother [ Tiffanyblue ] wrote:
For those who said their child is on medication, specifically mood stabilizers, how old was your child when they started? My husband and I have discussed it as possibly something DD may need but she's still young so I don't know at what point it should be something we consider for real vs giving therapy more time. It's just so hard dealing with a cold who can fall apart at any moment. It takes such a toll on the whole family. And I feel like I'm short changing my other children. For example, I spent nearly 30 minutes this morning just getting this child out of bed and getting her to get dressed. But that means I wasn't available to help my other children get breakfast etc. I have such a hard time figuring out how to balance her needs and still be able to be there for my other kids.
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amother
Candycane


 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2022, 6:50 pm
Tiffanyblue, we started at 6. Took many (20+) tries (some of them quite harrowing!) But eventually we reached a point of relative stability. Don't give up when meds are hard to figure out! And don't think ahead to future so much... give your child a chance to pleasantly surprise you!
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amother
Heather


 

Post Tue, Apr 05 2022, 8:18 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Interesting but I think I'm tired of searching for root causes and rather just accept that this child's genetic makeup is just very emotionally intense.
She's been like this since she's a tot if not earlier, like..Can a child have pandas for 10 years?
Absolutely. They can be born with it. It doesn’t go away on its own.
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Apr 07 2022, 9:45 am
amother [ Offwhite ] wrote:
Does that mean there’s no hope for these children in the future?! I wonder what the professionals say?


Obviously depends what the issue might be. A child that has developed dmdd from a trauma probably would need to work through that in order to be a healthy adult
A child that is struggling with severe emotional dysregulation will outgrow it once they get the tools

The therapist I've discussed it with said that dmdd does go away in adulthood however some kids develop depressive or anxiety disorders and I think logically that makes a lot of sense since most of them are left w scars of all ppl in their childhood that have been fighting their nature which leaves them wired very negatively.

interesting to note in the book "The Uncontrollable Child" he brings an interesting experiment with difficult dysegulated monkeys.. The ones that were raised in healthy calm supportive homes ended up being okay vs the ones that were surrounded by chaos it only further handicapped them
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amother
OP


 

Post Thu, Apr 07 2022, 10:16 am
amother [ Heather ] wrote:
Absolutely. They can be born with it. It doesn’t go away on its own.


Can you recommend a dr that could diagnose that or rule it out?
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amother
Heather


 

Post Thu, Apr 07 2022, 11:03 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Can you recommend a dr that could diagnose that or rule it out?
Where are you located?
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amother
Seashell


 

Post Thu, Apr 28 2022, 11:18 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Obviously depends what the issue might be. A child that has developed dmdd from a trauma probably would need to work through that in order to be a healthy adult
A child that is struggling with severe emotional dysregulation will outgrow it once they get the tools

The therapist I've discussed it with said that dmdd does go away in adulthood however some kids develop depressive or anxiety disorders and I think logically that makes a lot of sense since most of them are left w scars of all ppl in their childhood that have been fighting their nature which leaves them wired very negatively.

interesting to note in the book "The Uncontrollable Child" he brings an interesting experiment with difficult dysegulated monkeys.. The ones that were raised in healthy calm supportive homes ended up being okay vs the ones that were surrounded by chaos it only further handicapped them
Ouch.
I think we are failing in raising our severely emotionally-dysregulated child in a calm supportive manner. I just don’t think we’re up to this challenge. My family does not have the emotional inner tools to handle his hours-long meltdowns on a daily basis anymore. What do parents do when they have other children they’re trying to raise without being traumatized by their sibling’s emotional hurricanes??? Multiple times we have sent him to stay with relatives so the rest of the family can have a normal night, but how much longer can we do this? I’ve wondered at what point it makes sense to take him to a hospital?
I guess I’m just venting here, could use a little sympathy.
This child is literally breaking apart my family 😞
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amother
Impatiens


 

Post Thu, Apr 28 2022, 11:29 am
amother [ Seashell ] wrote:
Ouch.
I think we are failing in raising our severely emotionally-dysregulated child in a calm supportive manner. I just don’t think we’re up to this challenge. My family does not have the emotional inner tools to handle his hours-long meltdowns on a daily basis anymore. What do parents do when they have other children they’re trying to raise without being traumatized by their sibling’s emotional hurricanes??? Multiple times we have sent him to stay with relatives so the rest of the family can have a normal night, but how much longer can we do this? I’ve wondered at what point it makes sense to take him to a hospital?
I guess I’m just venting here, could use a little sympathy.
This child is literally breaking apart my family 😞

I thought we were the only ones who did that.
I'm so glad I'm not alone.

But I don't think any family has the emotional capacity to handle hours-long meltdowns on a daily basis.

Is yours on medication?
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amother
Seashell


 

Post Thu, Apr 28 2022, 11:32 am
amother [ Impatiens ] wrote:
I thought we were the only ones who did that.
I'm so glad I'm not alone.

But I don't think any family has the emotional capacity to handle hours-long meltdowns on a daily basis.

Is yours on medication?

Hugs to you too.
He is on a mood stabilizer, but either it’s either not the right one or it’s no longer a high enough dose. Working on that now.
What about yours?
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amother
Impatiens


 

Post Thu, Apr 28 2022, 11:35 am
amother [ Seashell ] wrote:
Hugs to you too.
He is on a mood stabilizer, but either it’s either not the right one or it’s no longer a high enough dose. Working on that now.
What about yours?

We just started with a mood stabilizer. Praying hard that it works.
The ADHD meds increase the aggression but without it school is impossible (can't concentrate). We have to somehow find an ADHD medicine that works with the mood stabilizer and doesn't have aggression as a side effect. So frustrating.
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amother
Seashell


 

Post Thu, Apr 28 2022, 11:52 am
amother [ Impatiens ] wrote:
We just started with a mood stabilizer. Praying hard that it works.
The ADHD meds increase the aggression but without it school is impossible (can't concentrate). We have to somehow find an ADHD medicine that works with the mood stabilizer and doesn't have aggression as a side effect. So frustrating.

Interesting. We had the opposite progression. Son has been on a mood stabilizer for almost 2 years now and only recently did we (unsuccessfully) start trying adhd meds. I did not realize the adhd meds could make his moods worse…
Does that mean your child’s behavior was first a problem at school before becoming a problem at home?
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amother
Impatiens


 

Post Thu, Apr 28 2022, 12:10 pm
amother [ Seashell ] wrote:
Interesting. We had the opposite progression. Son has been on a mood stabilizer for almost 2 years now and only recently did we (unsuccessfully) start trying adhd meds. I did not realize the adhd meds could make his moods worse…
Does that mean your child’s behavior was first a problem at school before becoming a problem at home?

It was a problem everywhere. But we resisted a diagnosis until we reached a point where I told DH, if this child doesn't have ADHD then there is something much worse, let's try the ADHD diagnosis and meds and see if we get anywhere.

It got us somewhere but not far enough. So now we are trying mood stabilizers.
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amother
DarkPurple


 

Post Thu, Apr 28 2022, 12:28 pm
Sending love to all of you. My SIL, which whom I am incredibly close, has a son like that (He is also 2e) As a person looking in, I will say what a phenomenal parent she is-although she doesn’t feel that way most of the time, but I will tell her and you that she is. I don’t know you, but don’t sell yourself short. It is real. Do not for one minute blame yourself. Do not hesitate for one minute to get yourself whatever help and support you can. From what I see, there are support organizations for parents of many different challenges, you too are deserving of support and community. I don’t know if these is one, or if people are public about their needs, but I hope there is.

Sending you love and wishes for ease, health and happiness for everyone in your homes.
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amother
Seashell


 

Post Thu, Apr 28 2022, 7:44 pm
amother [ DarkPurple ] wrote:
Sending love to all of you. My SIL, which whom I am incredibly close, has a son like that (He is also 2e) As a person looking in, I will say what a phenomenal parent she is-although she doesn’t feel that way most of the time, but I will tell her and you that she is. I don’t know you, but don’t sell yourself short. It is real. Do not for one minute blame yourself. Do not hesitate for one minute to get yourself whatever help and support you can. From what I see, there are support organizations for parents of many different challenges, you too are deserving of support and community. I don’t know if these is one, or if people are public about their needs, but I hope there is.

Sending you love and wishes for ease, health and happiness for everyone in your homes.
Thank you, Dark Purple. This meant a lot to me.
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amother
Pewter


 

Post Sun, May 01 2022, 7:33 pm
Just wanted to say how happy I am that this thread started!! My dd is 14 years old and is diagnosed with dmdd, adhd and anxiety. It has been such a long and difficult road ! At this point, we can see the incredible progress that she has made and that we as s family have made.
She started a new school this year ( not Jewish) and she is thriving !!
Parents of these children are heroic!
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dragoneye126




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 30 2022, 6:44 am
My 6 y.o. dd was recently diagnosed with DMDD. She is also gifted, so 2e. I am overwhelmed with all of the things to do next- parent training, meds, etc. Does anyone know of a support group or resource center for this? I am open to any and all support.
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