In laws showed up during dinner

amother

Copper

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 6:28 am

ra_mom wrote:

There are people who try not to buy anything on pesach itself but it seems eggs and milk are a big no no for them to buy over pesach. I don't remember the source (could be something with aninal feed before pesach vs on pesach) but I do know it's a thing. Obviously if there's nothing to eat they'll try to figure out the best place to buy from but they take this very seriously.

This

amother

Copper

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 6:33 am

I think I wouldn’t serve supper in front of the in-laws if I couldn’t offer them too. Even if I knew they don’t mish. I’d serve lots of fruit for everyone including my kids.
If need be I’d give the younger ones supper (preferably in a diff room)

But yea I’d likely be upset. I do have a hard time regulating

amother

Lemon

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 7:13 am

My inlaws live 1.5 hours away. We typically plan a day on chol hamoed to visit.

They never serve us dinner. Succos isn't bad, we buy pizza and eat it there or make a stop on the way home.

Pesach is another story. Last year we stopped at a restaurant and dh was upset at how expensive pesach burgers were.

What really bugs me is that mil will warm up leftovers. She has soup for 2 people, fish for 1, meat for 2, 3 peices of kugel.....

We were once there on succos and mil was cooking. I was surprised until she said that company of coming over soon. It was a hint for us to leave. She should have told us to come another day.
TMI

Inviting non religious people for a succos meal os more important than feeding your family.

ShishKabob

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 8:38 am

watergirl wrote:

Ok hang on. Not mishing, not buying more of something during pesach - those are all chumra on top of chumra. Kibbud av/em is a d'oraisa.

This!!! A thousand times!!!
Also, the bare basics of kibbud av v'em is to serve them food!!

Many of us unfortunately lose sight of the real issues along the way. We get derailed by minhagim and chumras. (I'm not advocating not doing them, but we have to have a clear focus on what's really important here)

amother

Oxfordblue

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 8:40 am

ShishKabob wrote:

OP was assuming (with good reason) that THEY wouldn’t want to mish. Not trying to impose her chumras on them. In fact as she stated she is less stringent than they are on Pesach.

singleagain

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 8:57 am

ShishKabob wrote:

But you don't have to spend your money to feed them. You can spend their money to do that.

amother

Oxfordblue

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 8:57 am

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

Your in laws birthed your husband, raised him and supported him for at least 20 years.
You have an issue sharing supper with them?
What has this world come to?

Please reread the thread. OP had no problem giving them a meal. It was the fact that it was unexpected for her that was the problem. Had they invited themselves over for dinner, especially with a day’s warning, this thread would not exist. Here she wasn’t expecting them to WANT to eat in her home.

Raisin

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 9:02 am

Moving forward, is there a nice way for your husband to say to them, we love having you over, but it is so much easier on Chani if she knows you are eating with us in advance. Please let us know next time if you are joining us for supper so we can make sure there is enough food.

amother

cornflower

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 11:18 am

I went to my inlaws one year on chol hamoad pesach to spend time with them. I had called 4 that I will be coming over later. By time we got there was 6. We were all starved. Mil served us some small stuff & then served my fil & adult child their suppers, leftovers from yt, right there in front if us, without serving us supper. Felt pretty awkward.

( we gave up on any chol hamoad outing/planning with kids to visit inlaws that we didn't see yt. My plan was not eating supper there initially, just as a visit like 4, but got later, mil had 2 hr notice till we arrived, she was home all day, by the time we arrived we were starved & she was serving dinner, I understand she maybe didnt have enough if she was serving leftovers, but It still felt inappropriate for them to eat in front of us. I grew up whenever any random person arrived at any unexpected time, food was offered right away. My mom would officially cook all day chol hamoad and invite marrieds over for supper, after their outings, especially the ones she didnt see during yt. So for me, my expectation was if children tell you that they are visiting, you prepare food/dinner. I guess my mil only prepares if you ask her in advance that you need dinner.)

This year after an outing, my kids wanted to visit il's, we were all starved, I told my kids we can't visit with empty stomachs & cranky we need to go home to do dinner first.

amother

Copper

Wed, Apr 27 2022, 9:32 pm

[quote="amother [ cornflower ]"]I went to my inlaws one year on chol hamoad pesach to spend time with them. I had called 4 that I will be coming over later. By time we got there was 6. We were all starved. Mil served us some small stuff & then served my fil & adult child their suppers, leftovers from yt, right there in front if us, without serving us supper. Felt pretty awkward.

( we gave up on any chol hamoad outing/planning with kids to visit inlaws that we didn't see yt. My plan was not eating supper there initially, just as a visit like 4, but got later, mil had 2 hr notice till we arrived, she was home all day, by the time we arrived we were starved & she was serving dinner, I understand she maybe didnt have enough if she was serving leftovers, but It still felt inappropriate for them to eat in front of us. I grew up whenever any random person arrived at any unexpected time, food was offered right away. My mom would officially cook all day chol hamoad and invite marrieds over for supper, after their outings, especially the ones she didnt see during yt. So for me, my expectation was if children tell you that they are visiting, you prepare food/dinner. I guess my mil only prepares if you ask her in advance that you need dinner.)

This year after an outing, my kids wanted to visit il's, we were all starved, I told my kids we can't visit with empty stomachs & cranky we need to go home to do dinner first.

That’s correct. The proper thing is to feed your kids and not arrive starving. Unless the plan was to get supper there and that was asked and agreed with mil.

amother

Gray

Mon, May 02 2022, 1:21 pm

amother [ Sapphire ] wrote:

They did not pop in. They told you they were coming. You didn’t know when, but you knew the day. Next time please prepare more food before hand. Shake off the stress from it all - it’s over and you did a wonderful job hosting them.

She was told they were joining her on the trip at an earlier time, not that they would be coming to her home at dinner time. OP also understood they they don't eat outside their own home at pesach and had previously been criticised by her IL's for being more lenient on that issue, so based on the information she was given she could not really imagine that they would be joining her for a meal.

When the plans were changed, OP was already out of the house and could do nothing to prepare.

amother

Oxfordblue

Mon, May 02 2022, 2:10 pm

amother [ Lime ] wrote:

This thread is so so sad. There was nothing op could put out to increase food. No quick scrambled eggs, matzoh, fruit or veggies, I wouldnt treat a hungry stranger this way and these are your in laws.

She fed her in-laws the food she had. SHE went hungry. AND she prepared them fruit since that's what she thought they would want.

amother

Mistyrose

Mon, May 02 2022, 2:12 pm

amother [ Lime ] wrote:

Did you actually read the thread? It’s sad that you judge without reading it carefully.