Explain why mother of the chusen/kallah gown starts at $3-5k

out-of-towner

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 1:54 pm

watergirl wrote:

This right here is the main issue and why people get upset when things that used to be considered true luxuries start to trickle down and those who can not afford it must buy it anyway. The kallah gifts are the prime example. Since when are diamond earrings, necklace, bracelet, ring, and more something EVERY young women must get? Why did it become the norm for it to go past the diamond ring, gold bracelet, and pearl necklace (which in and of itself is quite a lot for any 19 year old!). Not only is it expected, there is tzedakka for people who need it to buy these things. And engagements break because the gifts are not expensive enough (people have written about this here).

People used to spend according to their means, but more and more frequently we see how people feel forced to spend way above their means.

Is this where you are going with your post OP? Because you mentioned silver, gold, furniture, etc. also and this is also a major problem in those areas too. No one should be spending more than they can afford to. And to the girls who have no issue wearing jewelry which was purchased at the expense of her future in-laws ability to put chicken on their table and feed their other children, shame on you and shame on the culture that made this a thing.

Again, to be clear, if you can afford it, give tzedakkah, and earn your parnassa in a kosher way, spend all you want and enjoy it in good health! I truly fargin you.

Right. And I sincerely hope that the people that I am giving Tzeddaka to to help assist with weddings (BH my DH has a decent middle class income and gives Tzeddaka far beyond his obligations) aren't feeling obligated to spend this kind of money on a mother's gown. The Kallahs MAYBE I can understand (my own gown was a $250 Gemach gowm). I can also in theory understand spending that kind of money on a Sheitel (though I myself have never yet bought one for over $2k) as it will get used for IYH years to come. But the concept to spend a ton of money on a gown that will be worn one night, and is not for the Kallah herself (where there might be some justification to do so) is bizarre. Especially since there is ZERO Torah source for the immediate family ladies to be wearing gowns, it's totally a cultural thing and honestly something we took from non-Jewish culture.

And yes, I've seen these types of gowns, they are indeed beautiful, yes more so than one from Amazon or David's Bridal. IF someone has the money for it then by all means enjoy (and if you won't wear it anymore after that wedding maybe donate it to a Gemach so that others will enjoy it while it's still in style). But don't make it a priority.

4g01o

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 2:09 pm

Nothing wrong with a good shein find for a wedding! They have stunning dresses. Or hire from a gemach, this is what most people do in my community.

amother

Puce

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 2:33 pm

just go to the lawrence gown gemach
100$ to rent
gorgeous brand name heimish dresses

amother

NeonGreen

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 3:24 pm

You do not necessarily have to spend quite that much. Three years ago, I bought a beautiful long sleeved floor length M of Kallah gown at Nordstrom . It was a designer gown with beading and lace for $600 (not on sale), which was elegant and very well made. The neckline was perfect and I paid maybe $50 to raise the back, which they then returned to me in store credit (not sure if that is still the policy). I also looked at dresses on sale at Saks and Neiman Marcus for about $650-$1000. You can consult the personal shopper at department stores and explain your tznius requirements (whatever they are), your color preference, and your price point. Good luck and Mazal Tov!!

jeg

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 3:48 pm

Have you tried Etsy? They have some really nice stuff that is a fraction of the price.

amother

Snowflake

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 4:23 pm

So grateful that I don't feel pressure to keep up from anybody. One of my daughter spent around $300 for our son's wedding. It was actually gifted to her by a relative and that was way more money than I ever dreamed of spending. And mine was half of that price and I felt like I looked absolutely gorgeous. I clearly do not live in town whatever that means. And one of my kids got married we paid for a wedding that we could afford and split it with the other side 50/50. It was such a fun wedding and every side could enjoy because we didn't feel like we spent more money and we could. There are really such gorgeous dresses for $500 and under. I can't imagine I'd even dreaming of looking at something more than that. Hope you find a fabulous dress that you love that fits your budget whatever it is.

amother

Sapphire

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 5:44 pm

These places carry high end European brands. Their prices reflect that.

singsong

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 6:18 pm

Go to a higher end department store like Saks or Neiman Marcus and you'll find yourself beautiful gowns for under 1k. You can resell it after the wedding if you don't want to keep it.

Batsheva1

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 6:23 pm

Check out, Teri Jon. Gorgeous dresses, priced in the hundreds, not thousands. Saks Fifth Avenue has them. For a rental look into Rent the Runway. As an aside, I bought my daughter's wedding gown, it wasn't rented or from a gmach and her gown wasn't even $5000. Unless you have money to burn (some people do) there's no need or justification to pay $5000+ for a mother of the bride gown. You're shopping in the wrong places.

amother

Puce

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 8:33 pm

amother [ NeonOrange ] wrote:

Sewed up for $500

is this a chassidish term?

we say "making a custom gown", never heard sewed up

amother

Daphne

Wed, Mar 16 2022, 10:19 pm

amother [ Puce ] wrote:

is this a chassidish term?

we say "making a custom gown", never heard sewed up

I thought it was the name of a store

amother

Sapphire

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 1:17 am

watergirl wrote:

Like the $11,000 Hermes Birkin and Kelly bags? Which in order to buy, you have to have a "purchase history" in the thousands to be "offered" a bag? (Yes, I fell down that youtube rabbit hole during covid). I TRULY hope this does not become a thing in the frum world.

Birken bag you can sell for more than you got it for, you cant say the same for a dress. Not that I have, or will ever have one. but if I wanted to hide 11,000 and buy a more fun asset than stock. a birkin is a good option.

cla

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 4:44 pm

Batsheva1 wrote:

I just looked at Teri Jon site. Some lovely and almost tznius options there! Does anyone know if I'd be able to get from them extra fabric to add on as necessary?

ysydmom

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 7:47 pm

If you can't afford it don't buy it - people can charge whatever they want for their services. Also, keep in mind that when you go to one of these stores they make you feel like a queen they do the shopping for you so all you have to do is show up for fittings. They treat you nicer, your not spending hours searching for a gown that might work.

That being said I would never spend so much on a gown as I can't afford it. There is an online site that I love that I shop at and gowns cost only $50 to $100 I love their styles although you do need a shell with them. I don't mind wearing a shell. I think it's fine.

amother

Dodgerblue

Thu, Mar 17 2022, 10:38 pm

cla wrote:

I just looked at Teri Jon site. Some lovely and almost tznius options there! Does anyone know if I'd be able to get from them extra fabric to add on as necessary?

Estis in monsey carries a lot of teri jon, and they give you extra fabric sometimes. May be worth going in and seeing if they have it, or call the company

amother

Garnet

Sun, May 08 2022, 6:24 pm

During one "holiday season" I went to Burlington Coat Factory and bought an ankle-length dress embellished with a tasteful quantity of sparkly bits and had a dressmaker add sleeves and fill in the neckline. Total cost for the dress plus alterations was under $500 IIRC (A few years ago but still...) and I wore the dress to all my family weddings over about four or five years. Now I'm considering having it shortened to street length to wear to occasions at which I'm a regular guest.

I'm a simple person with simple tastes, hate anything that smacks of ostentation, and imagine that some people in some communities would have considered me underdressed for the MOB or MOG. But I'm not a Hollywood showgirl and don't care to dress like one. And if some guest was dressed fancier than I was, who cares? And if I paled in comparison to my fully-bedecked machatenesteh, I repeat: who cares? She's not in any of the pics I display at home.

amother

Offwhite

Sun, May 08 2022, 6:34 pm

cla wrote:

I just looked at Teri Jon site. Some lovely and almost tznius options there! Does anyone know if I'd be able to get from them extra fabric to add on as necessary?

Should be able to. Rikki Freeman is a frum designer and I went to HS with her daughter who runs many aspects of the company.