Struggling | Imamother

amother

Tue, May 10 2022, 8:13 pm

DD is 9.5.

I am not able to use my mother as guidance when it comes to parenting. There was a lot of yelling, screaming, hitting and no compassion or understanding.

I realize more and more & as she gets older that I have no idea what I’m doing.

She has a very hard time taking no for an answer.

If and when I do say yes, she will push me to the corner and not give up to give in to everything she wants for the rest of the day.

She gives me a very hard time when it’s time to go to sleep. She will fight her sleep for 2-3 hours and come out several times to tell me that she can’t sleep.

There’s more but that’s it for now.

Please be kind. Please don’t bash me. Looking for advice on what technique worked for you and looking to take a course or work with a coach.

She is growing up in a stable loving home. All her needs are met, physically and emotionally. She lacks nothing. She does amazing in school and has a lot of friends.

I had a hard childhood and I’m in therapy. She may sense my energy of guilt or doubt in myself.

behappy2

Tue, May 10 2022, 8:37 pm

I liked Dinah Friedman's course if your child is typically developing. You have to have energy to discipline and be committed.

What I do for kids who don't go to sleep is I tell them I am going to bed. They generally respond to that. I ignore kids who are up. I never force kids to do to bed.

amother

Junglegreen

Tue, May 10 2022, 8:45 pm

I would give a sleep aid like melatonin. It will help with sleep and also with behavior the next day. Magnesium footsoaks are also a great way to help the nervous system settle down before bed.

Behaviorally, I would ignore all negativity. Not the person, just the behaviors. Make like it never happened.

Consider that her nervous system may be stuck in fight-flight. In addition to insomnia, it can also make kids act rigid and stuck. Not being able to take no for an answer may be genuine anxiety and distress on her end. This doesn’t mean give in, it’s just a perspective to help understand her behavior.

amother

Stone

Tue, May 10 2022, 10:45 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Yes, why?

I highly recommend Reach Parenting classes. Specifically Mrs. Shainla Greenwald. (There are a few different facilitators that give the classes.)
Not the fancy "hype" courses I see advertised all the time, but I gained so much from it. Gave me many tools to being the kind of mother I wanted to be.
It's given as a group, with a lot of sharing and feedback. Really empowered me.
They also offer individual coaching for those looking for that.

Just want to add that you sound like a wonderful mother! Hatzlacha!

amother

Tue, May 10 2022, 11:09 pm

amother [ Stone ] wrote:

Can you please give me a number or contact?

Thank you. I don’t feel it. But it’s nice to hear.

amother

Stone

Tue, May 10 2022, 11:20 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Can you please give me a number or contact?

Thank you. I don’t feel it. But it’s nice to hear.

732 806 4695

And yes, I seriously think so. I obviously don't know more than what you wrote, but it sounds like you are trying very hard and are giving her everything you can. And without having been given that as a child yourself, that is huge. Give yourself more credit!

amother

Seashell

Tue, May 10 2022, 11:23 pm

I also am a self-made mommy it's a lonely journey when you don't have your own mother as a role model. I found Adele faber's book 'how to talk so kids listen, and how to listen so your kids will talk' extremely helpful giving me basic techniques Her ideas overrall worked for most of my kids. My more extreme kids I ended up needing professional guidance. The Reach Parenting classes I can tell you from a sibling of mine who did them - were amazing! I've always wanted to do them, just getting out at night was too hard for me.

smartmom

Tue, May 10 2022, 11:45 pm

I'm an old hand my kids are older. After bed times I give no negative nor positive attention and if the child just wants to listen to my phone conversation I get off the phone. If it's music I listen on headphones. The child gets board or sits around until I get into bed. Of course when I go to sleep all extra lights get turned off

amother

Thu, May 12 2022, 9:25 pm

amother [ Stone ] wrote:

I called and left a message but haven’t heard back anything. Do you know how else I can reach them?

amother

Stone

Thu, May 12 2022, 9:27 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I called and left a message but haven’t heard back anything. Do you know how else I can reach them?

You can try Mrs. Greenwald in her house 732-367-4416