Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
S/o coming downstairs for meal train
1  2  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
OP


 

Post Tue, May 17 2022, 10:26 pm
When I had my baby last year, we were living in a basement apartment. I was stitched so tight and I couldnt walk, sit or move around for the first few weeks. I remember shaking in bed with a high fever, mastitis and just sleeping because of how much agony I was in PP ....

So many of my neighbors signed up to make us delicious meal trains. Thank you so much for this amazing chessed! I hope that other thread doesn't stop you from helping women who just had babies. I wasnt able to stand long enough to boil eggs... (I know my recovery wasnt how its supposed to be, looking back now... I really hope next recovery wont be like this).

Anyway, a few times when neighbors brought supper over, my husband opened the door and they would ask to see me or the new baby. My husband would sometimes bring my baby out to see them but I would just fall back asleep and not come out to say hi. I feel terrible about it.

Ofc I texted/called straight after supper "Thank you so much for cooking for my family. The meatballs were delicious I would love the recipe" (btw, ive read threads here where people didnt think it was necessary to send a text. just send a text seriously).

Is it an expectation to get up and greet visitors?
Back to top

happytobemom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 17 2022, 10:33 pm
There definitely shouldn't be that expectation!
You just had a baby! You're not supposed to be hosting or entertaining. They cooked for you for a reason!
Of course if you're up to it, it's nice, but they should know to stay for a short time. And if your husband has to say she's not available, or she's not up to visitors, that's perfectly understandable. Even without bringing the baby out. The baby's also allowed to be unavailable!
Back to top

amother
Dustypink


 

Post Tue, May 17 2022, 10:33 pm
No absolutely not!
To get annoyed about the only possible way that someone was able to drop off her supper, after she probably spent the whole day and went out of her way to drop it off, was a little shocking to read.
Totally not the same thing at all! No one should expect to be hosted by you
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Tue, May 17 2022, 10:35 pm
just for clarification, they didnt come in for long, maybe 2 mins just to wish us mazal tov and see the baby. many times my husband said the baby was shluffing or "my wife is resting but we really appreciate the meals" but looking back I feel bad I didnt come out. I dont think I would have been able to anyway bc of how badly I recovered
Back to top

happytobemom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 17 2022, 10:37 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
just for clarification, they didnt come in for long, maybe 2 mins just to wish us mazal tov and see the baby. many times my husband said the baby was shluffing or "my wife is resting but we really appreciate the meals" but looking back I feel bad I didnt come out. I dont think I would have been able to anyway bc of how badly I recovered

Don't feel guilty!
Even if you didn't have such a terrible recovery. You still don't have to be available to see people!
Back to top

LiLIsraeli




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 17 2022, 10:37 pm
I don't think you have to worry. People ask to see you if you are up to it, but they completely understand if you aren't!
Back to top

amother
Winterberry


 

Post Tue, May 17 2022, 10:49 pm
No expectations to meet and greet. Just want to know that the meal made it inside and hopefully the recipient knows who sent it!

But, as someone who read the original thread, my takeaway was that so many posters could only see the viewpoint of the mom, or their own personal life situations with dropping off meals.

Those who were so sure they'd call about the best time to drop off or come back later or keep looking for parking and, of course, apologize profusely and guiltily, obviously have a more flexible schedule and probably less demands on their time or less intense responsibilities in regard to their own families than the posters who kept bringing up the volunteer's pov. They were just as one sided, not able to realize that just because their own life circumstances allow them flexibility with meal delivery, others do not. And that if only super flexible and less crunched for time people volunteered, there probably wouldn't be any meal trains, maybe just the old fashioned way of only your closest friends or families sending over a meal for probably a sum total of 3-4 days.

It kind of reminds me of the carpool coverage threads post new baby I've read here from time to time. Those who don't come from a carpool community genuinely have a hard time understanding why people don't just cover the new mother's carpool slots for several months. Those who do come from a carpool community understand the pressures and reality faced by regular carpool drivers, and why that just is't going to happen.
Back to top

amother
Watermelon


 

Post Tue, May 17 2022, 10:54 pm
amother [ Winterberry ] wrote:
No expectations to meet and greet. Just want to know that the meal made it inside and hopefully the recipient knows who sent it!

But, as someone who read the original thread, my takeaway was that so many posters could only see the viewpoint of the mom, or their own personal life situations with dropping off meals.

Those who were so sure they'd call about the best time to drop off or come back later or keep looking for parking and, of course, apologize profusely and guiltily, obviously have a more flexible schedule and probably less demands on their time or less intense responsibilities in regard to their own families than the posters who kept bringing up the volunteer's pov. They were just as one sided, not able to realize that just because their own life circumstances allow them flexibility with meal delivery, others do not. And that if only super flexible and less crunched for time people volunteered, there probably wouldn't be any meal trains, maybe just the old fashioned way of only your closest friends or families sending over a meal for probably a sum total of 3-4 days.

It kind of reminds me of the carpool coverage threads post new baby I've read here from time to time. Those who don't come from a carpool community genuinely have a hard time understanding why people don't just cover the new mother's carpool slots for several months. Those who do come from a carpool community understand the pressures and reality faced by regular carpool drivers, and why that just is't going to happen.


You don't need to have a flexible schedule to apologize for asking a kimpeturin to come down and fetch her meal. It obviously isn't ideal, but apologizing for not being able to bring it to her door is a nice thing to do.
Back to top

chanar




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, May 17 2022, 11:13 pm
I’ve made many many meal chain dinners, and I’ve been the recipient bh multiple times. I never request to see mom and or baby, and no one has ever expected that of me… the only exception would be if it was a sibling or sibling in law coming with dinner, and one or 2 of my really close friends. They’re welcome to come in and see baby or me.. Otherwise, no. Chances are mom is recovering in bed or nursing new baby or sleeping..
Back to top

amother
Hyacinth


 

Post Wed, May 18 2022, 12:11 am
I think they were just being polite.
They probably felt even better they sent the meal so you could rest.
Back to top

amother
Winterberry


 

Post Wed, May 18 2022, 12:33 am
amother [ Watermelon ] wrote:
You don't need to have a flexible schedule to apologize for asking a kimpeturin to come down and fetch her meal. It obviously isn't ideal, but apologizing for not being able to bring it to her door is a nice thing to do.

That's the tiniest of details in the laid out expectations people seemed to have on that thread....

Anyway thats a circular argument, if someone wasn't prepped about a parking situation, and so they were forced to go out of their way and spend extra time they didn't have, and had to call for someone to come get the food from their car because they have no other way to send it up, maybe they are actually the ones who should receive an apology. You could argue about that endlessly, who actually should be receiving an apology in this scenario. Both? Just one? If just one, which one? Who actually owes the apology? Maybe the meal train organizer owes an apology, though again to either one or both? And so forth.

What really made me scratch my head were the posters who blamed the woman for having volunteered in the first place. Because there'd be no problem at all if she just hadn't signed up! Same for this thread, this op seems very stressed out, is it possible that meal trains cause more harm then help? Scratching Head
Back to top

amother
Birch


 

Post Wed, May 18 2022, 12:35 am
Ummm are we going to rehash that whole thread again?
This OP asked a different question.
Let's not got back there.
Back to top

amother
Diamond


 

Post Wed, May 18 2022, 12:42 am
Nobody expects to see you or the baby if you are not up to it. Please ask because either they want to give you a hug-if and only if you are up to it, they think you want to show off the baby and they will ooh and ahh (sorry but all babies basically look the same, like old men) or are offering to be helpful as some people really miss the human interaction and would love to see another grown up face who is not DH. They are mostly asking to be polite and give you the option. If you/DH politely declines, stating that you are not up to it, or the baby is sleeping…… they are happy to have offered and move on with their life. They will see you and the baby another time.
Back to top

chanchy123




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 18 2022, 12:42 am
Didn’t read the original thread -
No one was expecting you to come out to greet them - you just had a baby and people were giving you food precisely so you wouldn’t have to get up.
There are zero social expectations from a new mother - zero.
Don’t worry about it.
Back to top

DrMom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 18 2022, 12:44 am
amother [ Winterberry ] wrote:
That's the tiniest of details in the laid out expectations people seemed to have on that thread....

Anyway thats a circular argument, if someone wasn't prepped about a parking situation, and so they were forced to go out of their way and spend extra time they didn't have, and had to call for someone to come get the food from their car because they have no other way to send it up, maybe they are actually the ones who should receive an apology. You could argue about that endlessly, who actually should be receiving an apology in this scenario. Both? Just one? If just one, which one? Who actually owes the apology? Maybe the meal train organizer owes an apology, though again to either one or both? And so forth.

What really made me scratch my head were the posters who blamed the woman for having volunteered in the first place. Because there'd be no problem at all if she just hadn't signed up! Same for this thread, this op seems very stressed out, is it possible that meal trains cause more harm then help? Scratching Head

ITA.
Some people have a obsessive need to make mountains out of the tiniest of molehills.
Back to top

amother
Honey


 

Post Wed, May 18 2022, 3:20 am
I'll repeat what others have said.

The ladies were being polite and had zero expectation, and in fact would have felt terrible, for you to push yourself to come and schmooze.

Many new mothers like the social interaction and the bit of attention energizes them (on some days, some times Smile ) and these ladies were indicating that they weren't just drop and dash -plenty are- but could wait and chat a moment.

Please do not push yourself. Please! Please!
Back to top

amother
Pink


 

Post Wed, May 18 2022, 6:59 am
I doubt they expected you to come and greet them.
On the contrary, they wanted to let you know that they are there for you in spirit and body.
So many woman have a really hard emotional time after birth and sometimes seeing a face aside from the baby who refuses to nurse or sleep, the DH who can't figure out how to help and your own unwashed face in the mirror, is a life saver. If it isn't the right time and place for you, that's fine.
Back to top

amother
Amaranthus


 

Post Wed, May 18 2022, 7:03 am
People ask to see you and the new baby because they want to express their happiness for you. They don't mind if you say no. (The reasonable ones, anyhow.)

Some moms like to stay in bed and recover quietly, and some like lots of company. To each her own.
Back to top

mig100




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 18 2022, 7:04 am
amother [ Honey ] wrote:
I'll repeat what others have said.

The ladies were being polite and had zero expectation, and in fact would have felt terrible, for you to push yourself to come and schmooze.

Many new mothers like the social interaction and the bit of attention energizes them (on some days, some times Smile ) and these ladies were indicating that they weren't just drop and dash -plenty are- but could wait and chat a moment.

Please do not push yourself. Please! Please!


This .

No need to push yourself at all.

And uour experience sounds awful. Its really not typical. Hopefully next births will be easier
Back to top

amother
Beige


 

Post Wed, May 18 2022, 8:15 am
After my first I was so desperate for the human interaction I was sad if people didn’t have time to come and visit! I loved seeing and chatting with my friends. Unfortunately by number 2 it was the height of covid and it wasn’t even a consideration (talk about isolation) Everyone’s different OP!
Back to top
Page 1 of 2 1  2  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Anyone know when ami whisk pesach recipes coming out?
by amother
1 Yesterday at 4:09 pm View last post
How did you sleep train?
by amother
91 Yesterday at 2:38 pm View last post
Easy meal in a bowl suppers
by amother
1 Yesterday at 9:56 am View last post
What can I YES eat? Meal ideas for strict health diet
by amother
21 Sun, Mar 24 2024, 10:55 am View last post
How to re- train 2 year old after..
by amother
0 Tue, Mar 19 2024, 9:40 pm View last post