How to tell new boss...

amother

Wed, May 18 2022, 9:38 am

That I'm BH expecting?
I started the job a month ago.
I found out during the hiring process, (it was a bit protracted) and I'm still relatively early - 14 weeks.
It's not obvious unless you know what I usually look like, but I don't want him to figure it out on his own, I feel like that's not right.
It's a frum company, so of course when they hire young women they must know it's a possibility. I never had this experience of starting a new job while newly pregnant.

Any advice as to when and how to break the news?

amother

Snowdrop

Wed, May 18 2022, 9:58 am

Just tell him I wanted to let you know that I'm pregnant and due to give birth in November. I wanted to let you know as soon as possible since I didn't know when I applied for the position.

amother

Canary

Wed, May 18 2022, 10:04 am

I usually wait until I am really obviously wearing maternity, which for me is around the beginning of the 5th month. That still gives your boss plenty of advanced notice. What I say is something along the lines of "I wanted to give you advance notice that I am due around xxx. I do plan on taking a xxx week maternity leave and then coming back to work."

amother

Wed, May 18 2022, 10:42 am

Thanks to you both!
This seems conflicting though - either tell right away or wait until it's obvious and they probably already figured it out on their own TMI

Do I need to give the disclaimer that I didn't know during the hiring process? Either way they're not allowed to discriminate, but I'm not sure if it will come off as being a mentsch or as defensive.

ShishKabob

Wed, May 18 2022, 10:43 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thanks to you both!
This seems conflicting though - either tell right away or wait until it's obvious and they probably already figured it out on their own TMI

Do I need to give the disclaimer that I didn't know during the hiring process? Either way they're not allowed to discriminate, but I'm not sure if it will come off as being a mentsch or as defensive.

I would do the disclaimer. You come across more honest like that. And yes discrimination, no discrimination, they may feel gypped.

mom!

Wed, May 18 2022, 10:46 am

I would also say as soon as you can. Most people appreciate honesty and heads up. You honestly didn’t know when you applied, no hard done.

amother

Wed, May 18 2022, 10:48 am

ShishKabob wrote:

I would do the disclaimer. You come across more honest like that. And yes discrimination, no discrimination, they may feel gypped.

I hear that. I guess that means to tell them sooner rather than later.
And what can I do to make them feel less "gypped" without sacrificing my full rights to maternity leave?

It's a little complicated since I'm in the financial sector and year-end is crunch time for getting everything in order for taxes. Technically if I'd take the full 12 weeks, I'd be out through almost mid-January...

ShishKabob

Wed, May 18 2022, 10:50 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I would think that if you're upfront with them and tell them that you didn't know, you should be able to get your full rights. However, I think that you should maintain some flexibility if they need you to fill in or work partially if they're in a crunch. That's just my opinion.

amother

Wed, May 18 2022, 10:50 am

mom! wrote:

I would also say as soon as you can. Most people appreciate honesty and heads up. You honestly didn’t know when you applied, no hard done.

[I]

On that note - what if I HAD known? Is it not right to take a new job in early pregnany without letting the company know?
Why is that fair to women to put off advancing their careers/ making a necessary job switch by more than a year?

amother

Wed, May 18 2022, 10:51 am

ShishKabob wrote:

I agree with this. I just don't know how much to offer/ where to draw the line. I struggle with this a lot.

amother

Denim

Wed, May 18 2022, 10:55 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I let the place I was supposed to work for know and I lost the job. B"H I found a better job that was happy to hire me even though I was pregnant.

ShishKabob

Wed, May 18 2022, 10:58 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I agree with this. I just don't know how much to offer/ where to draw the line. I struggle with this a lot.

Don't offer x amount of hours or time. You'll cross the bridge when you get there. Just throw in a line, that you know the timing is a bit difficult but you're willing to be flexible. When the time comes you'll reassess and see how you feel and what you can give to them.

amother

Wed, May 18 2022, 11:05 am

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

I let the place I was supposed to work for know and I lost the job. B"H I found a better job that was happy to hire me even though I was pregnant.

Ugh, that's so wrong. But I'm happy it worked out for you in the end!

amother

Wed, May 18 2022, 11:06 am

ShishKabob wrote:

That makes sense, thanks for the wise advice!