How do I resign myself to the fact that Hashem wants us poor

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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

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amother

Fri, May 20 2022, 5:23 pm

It’s been ten years of struggle. We don’t have a penny. We’re both working multiple jobs but every time we think like “ok, maybe NOW we’ll be ok” some huge unexpected expenses come up. We have no savings, horrible credit and can barely buy weekly groceries in todays day and age. We don’t qualify for programs, we are poor middle class. I see no way out. My husbands emunah is rock solid and he keeps saying that this is our nisayon and there are people worse off and better this than other things. But that doesn’t help when the collection agencies don’t stop calling, when I haven’t paid tuition in months, or when I need an exterminator but can’t afford it. Every Rosh Hashana I daven for this nisayon to end but alas, it’s still here. I’m feeling despair especially with the unaffordable prices these days. I write checks to the grocery stores knowing they will bounce because I need to have food to feed my family. We tried switching jobs, have side a side business but still, we are barely surviving. Is mishane makom meshana Mazel a real thing? We’re thinking of just moving away from where we live now to start anew.

amother

Winterberry

Fri, May 20 2022, 5:36 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Money is not emotional. It’s just numbers. Make yourself a list of how much money is incoming and how much you need to cover the expenses each month. Then figure out why there is more going out than coming in. If it makes financial sense to move to a cheaper location, than yes moving sounds like a good idea.

amother

Periwinkle

Fri, May 20 2022, 5:37 pm

So sorry!!! So frustrating when you are trying so hard for so long and are still struggling.

amother

Crocus

Fri, May 20 2022, 5:39 pm

I don’t think it’s a given that Hashem wants you poor.
I’d see a budgeting coach.
And ask my rav about maasser- if you’re not making it you prob don’t need to give 10 percent but people feel it’s given their Parnassian Bracha.

amother

Plum

Fri, May 20 2022, 5:47 pm

Just here to tell you that we are in the same shoes. Down to the last detail. I sometimes turn to my friends and family for charity. It’s so so hard. I also keep thinking it’ll get better than something happens that throws us off all over again. For the previous poster saying to budget, we do that, it doesn’t help. We know exactly where every penny is going. I try to thank Hashem for this challenge. I look around and see people (especially here on imamother) with no marriage and I tell myself I’d rather have the relationship I have with dh than money. Don’t get me wrong, having both would’ve been awesome. But I try to focus on my blessing and practice gratitude.

amother

Ivory

Fri, May 20 2022, 5:53 pm

Hugs, I understand what you feel like and feel your pain. I'm also davening and waiting for a yeshua for many years in a different area.

I'm reading now the book "the secret of miraculous salvations" and it's really mind blowing. Iyh I will share very soon that my yeshua came. In the meantime maybe read it a few times and internalize it. It's basically emunah/bitachon tips which bring yeshuos to you when you put them into practice.

May Hashem bless you very soon with lot of bracha and parnassah!

#BestBubby

Fri, May 20 2022, 5:58 pm

1. You don't know Hashem wants you to be poor forever. There are plenty of rags to riches stories.
Get expert advice, maybe Mesila, on how you can increase income.

2. There are worse nosyonos then poor.

There is divorce, widowed, kids OTD, cancer...

amother

Coral

Fri, May 20 2022, 6:02 pm

Hugs.

I don't know if it's helpful, but we were in your shoes for a long time too. It was excruciatingly painful.
My husband kept asking why do we deserve this? It's so hard for men to not be able to be an efficient provider.
The debt weighed so heavily, it affected my husband's posture.
I kept telling him, that the wheel will turn and we'll come out better for it- he'll be able to help people better because he knows what it means to not have the money to pay for food.

Eventually, we had a huge miracle, and we are now in a position to give. And my husband is so generous, I sometimes feel that he gives too large amounts.
Also, we don't feel entitled or better than anyone because of our success. Being poor has humbled us.

So keep Davening! Hold on and believe that it will get better!

amother

cornflower

Fri, May 20 2022, 7:06 pm

Bnei Berak 10

Sat, May 21 2022, 2:46 pm

Budgeting coach as some mentioned.
There are many inyanim around parnassa.
Note that lashon hara is the opposite of parnassa tova so it's important to be stringent in that matter. Also there are inyanim of lots of water in netilat yadayim and birkat hamazon in writing as opposed by heart. Being careful with bread and breadcrumbs etc.
Parashat haman. There are lots and lots of prayers for parnassa.
I feel for you. It's very tough.

amother

Papaya

Sat, May 21 2022, 2:47 pm

Just want to tell you that I know your pain and send hugs. My DH says B"H we have Nachas from our kids (they are normal kids not little angels). IY"H things will get better! And I can't wait for that day, when we'll be able to give others

Reality

Sat, May 21 2022, 2:53 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Please don't tell a poor person there are worse nisyonis. Unless you have personally been poor you have no idea how hard it is.

amother

Sat, May 21 2022, 10:16 pm

amother [ cornflower ] wrote:

I once asked this to Reb Gamaliel Rabinovitch. He said to mekabel shabbos 10 minutes early.

Very interesting that you’re saying this. This is a particularly hard struggle for us, we usually go to the last possible minute 🙈. Well, iyH that will change now.

amother

DarkGreen

Sat, May 21 2022, 10:18 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Very interesting that you’re saying this. This is a particularly hard struggle for us, we usually go to the last possible minute 🙈. Well, iyH that will change now.

Try it. But please don't have the expectation that hashem helps financially the people that are starting shabbos early.

curlyhead

Sat, May 21 2022, 10:35 pm

Who said Hashem wants you poor?
Parnasa can change. You can go through different avenues.
Hashem has plenty of money for everyone. When we adopt this attitude and the abundance attitude our lives will change for the better.
Lets be grateful to Hashem for even the small things!
The beautiful weather. We found a parking space. Our kids had a good day in school. Everyone was healthy today. We had money to pay our bill we say, Thankyou Hashem.
The more we thank Hashem the more gratitude the more we will get Hashem Brachos. I have seen things in my personal experience. Even seeing the good in the bad. Ie I had the flu, and because I had the flu I didn't eat a few days and one of my annoying stomach issues went away because I gave my stomach a rest.

I used to go on forums about saving money and being frugel. a few years ago I went on forums about making money and business and marketing and I have seen a big difference. If you hang around poor people you will be poor. If you hand around rich people your income will increase,

amother

Beige

Sat, May 21 2022, 11:23 pm

curlyhead wrote:

So interesting what you're saying in your last paragraph. Can you share how those forums have helped you specifically? I actually find that when I'm with people who have less, I feel blessed. When I'm around wealthy people I feel poor.

amother

Birch

Sun, May 22 2022, 12:24 am

amother [ Beige ] wrote:

No way, it's mindset. I grew up pinching pennies and clipping coupons and running to save a good deal. I'm the most geshikt thrifty person ever. Dh makes fun and laughs that in the same amount of time you can just make more money. Took many years to wrap my brain around that but now I understand and see he's right. Listen to marketing podcasts for example - the sky's the limit! They're making 6 figures in their sleep!
Manifestation is a secular concept for the Torah concept that hashem has unlimited Shefa and you just have to tap into it. The subject of this thread - no you don't resign yourself to being poor. You've already lost the battle in that case. It should be: "how do I believe that hashem has riches awaiting me"

amother

NeonOrange

Sun, May 22 2022, 12:27 am

amother [ Birch ] wrote:

Manifestation is a secular concept for the Torah concept that hashem has unlimited Shefa and you just have to tap into it. The subject of this thread - no you don't resign yourself to being poor. You've already lost the battle in that case. It should be: "how do I believe that hashem has riches awaiting me"

I’m not familiar with manifestation. But emunah and bitachon does not mean that you must believe that Hashem has riches awaiting you. It means believing that Hashem CAN give you all the riches, and you should daven for it, but if you don’t have it right now it is because He will it so. And if you never have riches it’s because it’s the best thing for you.

amother

Lotus

Sun, May 22 2022, 11:02 am

I don’t wish poverty on anyone and hope that from now on you have Parnassa in abundance. BUT
keep in mind there are some advantages to being poor. Some (if not most) of our gedolim grew up in poor homes. Kids are less likely to be spoiled or obnoxious and more likely to be grateful and industrious. Relationships are often more authentic and less based on externals.
Poverty can be unbearable but often there are real long term benefits.

amother

Tuberose

Sun, May 22 2022, 12:09 pm

Another segula for parnassa is to not wear a wig. The Satmar community is evidence of this. Unfortunately, ladies avoid this at all possible costs because of vanity, job requirements in some frum communities, or wanting to fit in where they are living (esp. in Lakewood). But, if you still wish to wear a wig, make it no longer than shoulder length, synthetic only, and mark out the white line with a marker that is the same color of the wig (the "part") and of course, not a lace front. I'm turning off following topic, lol...

Other segulas (I know there is a lot, but find some that you can keep):

Say your brochas out loud, and answer AMEN to other's brochas

Recite 3 Tehillim after davening

Follow guidelines for tznius; clothing/dressing, guarding your eyes, avoid speech that uses slang or loshon hara, not secluding yourself with other gender--yichud, undressing/dressing only under covers or in the bathroom, keeping your hair covered at all times esp. in front of husband and children

Benching with kavana (after eating challah, matza in a meal)

Giving at least 10% to tzedakah from all income sources and giving tzedakah daily (even a few coins)

Feeding birds on Shabbos Shirah

Recite Parshas HaMon (The Chapter Manna found in most siddurim) recited on the Tuesday of the week during Parshas Beshalach

Tefillah recited from the Shelah before Rosh Chodesh Nissan

Reciting Tehillim 23, 104, 128, 145 daily or weekly

Reciting the Chapter of Manna daily after davening

Having a meal for Melava Malka every motzei Shabbos (before eating say, "This is for melava malkah"

Frying sufganiyot with lots and lots of oil during Chanukah

Taking challah and burning it completely before throwing it out (ask rav how to do it)

Baking Shlissel Challah after Pesach for the first Shabbos after Pesach

Burning the Lulav and Aravah in the fire of chometz on erev Pesach

Keeping a Whole Shmurah Matza in your house for the year and burning it in the fire of chometz the following year

Eating a little or some matza every meal on Shabbos

Always eating the third meal on Shabbos

Eating fish every meal on Shabbos, and some say having some meat with your third meal on Shabbos

Giving tzedakah to every single person who asks of you without fail (can just give them a quarter even)

Giving tzedakah before taking challah

Giving tzedakah before benching licht

Covering your table with two tablecloths (preferably white) for Shabbos and yom tov

Using first pressed kosher olive oil for some of your candles when you bench licht

Lighting candles after havdalah for melava malka (5 is the given...for Avraham Avinu, Yaacov Avinu, Yitzchak Avinu, Moshe Rabbeinu, Dovid HaMelech, Moshiach Tzidkeinu)

Those are all that I know of but I am sure there are others, lol!

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