I killed the pet parakeet

amother

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 1:31 pm

Total and utter parenting fail. We suspected for a few weeks that something was off with this parakeet but the other one was also acting a drop weird but then was fine again. We fooled ourselves into thinking this one would also bounce back and be back to its normal self but we let it go way to long and just stayed in denial. Now its dead and the teens are sobbing and I can't believe what we did.

amother

Marigold

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 1:33 pm

How did you kill it? By not bringing it to a vet? How would you know? Why blame this on a one person? It's negative self talk. This too was bashert. Their crying is normal. Validate and hug them.

Chayalle

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 1:33 pm

HUGS that is hard. I remember how hard it was on my kids when their pets died (guinea pig, hamster, fish, etc...).
One of the things about having a pet is knowing it's end will come some time. You have to deal with these losses.

Could be the bird would have died anyway......

Chayalle

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 1:35 pm

And let them process this by burying their pet and talking about it. I remember my DD literally giving a "hesped" about her guinea pig - how lovable and affectionate he was, how he ate all the veggie scraps in the house (no baal tashchis), what a good pet he was. I think it was cathartic for her.

chanatron1000

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 1:59 pm

There's likely nothing a vet could have done. With a lot of bird diseases, once the bird shows symptoms, it's already quite serious. Birds in the wild tend to be eaten by predators if their reaction time is slowed by disease, so there's little biological benefit for a wild bird to have the ability to get over a disease.

amother

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 2:00 pm

Chayalle wrote:

We buried the pet in the yard, I found a clean paving stone in a pile, we covered the grave with the stone and then I gave my DD a paintbrush and paint and she painted the gravestone. Then my other DD added to it. So yay me that we did that. I still feel awful and responsible

amother

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 2:01 pm

chanatron1000 wrote:

I hear you but the other bird was also acting funny and got better by itself but this one didnt so we should have known something more was going on and maybe treated early it would have been OK

chanatron1000

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 2:05 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I hear you but the other bird was also acting funny and got better by itself but this one didnt so we should have known something more was going on and maybe treated early it would have been OK

If anything, the fact that the other bird got better by itself is reason not to think there was anything seriously wrong.

imasinger

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 2:23 pm

It's painful when a loved pet dies. We'd all like to believe that the world ought to be under our control, but it's not.

You're not helping the kids by blaming yourself. They may start blaming themselves too much as well -- for this, and for other things.

Better to work at accepting this as Hashem's will, and talking about the joy and love they brought to the family, so everyone has fond memories to access.

amother

Chartreuse

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 4:42 pm

When one of our pet parakeets died, we ignored the advice to go out and buy another bird as a companion to the remaining parakeet. It seems parakeets are social creatures and don't do well on their own especially if they're used to having a partner.

The remaining parakeet stopped eating and died within a week. Maybe it was ill and would have died anyway but I wonder what would have happened if we would have bought another bird.

amother

Caramel

Fri, Jun 03 2022, 5:11 pm

Just came here to say you're all so brave for having pets. Pet deaths is the reason I keep avoiding getting a pet TMI

amother

Bone

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 12:52 pm

chanatron1000 wrote:

I have had parakeets for 20 years and agree completely with this.

OP please take the other parakeet to the vet and get blood work and a fecal sample done. Sometimes diseases go into remission but reappear later. Gastric yeast infection is a big one for this, and it’s very very difficult to cure. Best to take care of it now while the bird’s immune system is ok.

Bnei Berak 10

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 12:58 pm

Chayalle wrote:

This scenario indeed made it's way into my heart. You have a reason to be proud. IMHO she showed outstanding hakarat hatov.

amother

Babypink

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 12:59 pm

amother [ Caramel ] wrote:

Just came here to say you're all so brave for having pets. Pet deaths is the reason I keep avoiding getting a pet TMI

Do others agree that it's better not to get a pet because that means that children will need to deal with the grief of a possible loss?

Chayalle

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 1:05 pm

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

Do others agree that it's better not to get a pet because that means that children will need to deal with the grief of a possible loss?

I think it was hard but there's an aspect of it that was/is very healthy. So no, I don't agree (but I do understand).

For us, we've taken a break for now (till the next one get's sprung on me LOL. The hamster came home with DD from camp, with one quick phone call "Ma, I'm bringing home a hamster otherwise it will get left here and it could die, OK?") but I'm sure it's just a matter of time.....sometimes after a loss we aren't ready for a while, and that's okay.

Rubies

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 1:10 pm

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

Do others agree that it's better not to get a pet because that means that children will need to deal with the grief of a possible loss?

No.
Death is part of life. In the same way you wouldn't not develop a relationship with someone for fear of death.

amother

Moonstone

Tue, Jun 07 2022, 1:18 pm

amother [ Chartreuse ] wrote:

Bird illnesses are extremely contagious and it’s more likely the bird died of that than of heartbreak.