S/o checking kids clothing tags

Ema of 5

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 7:42 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

We have examples upthread of people saying they don't want to ask ask it might be "uncomfortable" for the person who is wearing it (very cheap brand or very expensive)
I don't buy that argument. I tend to believe it's the person asking who doesn't want to be seen in her true (yenta?) colors

Same. I get most of my stuff either from Amazon or from my friends’ closets. Not embarrassed at all. I don’t do it because I’m cheap and/or can’t afford. I do it because I have other, more important things to spend my money on.
But this conversation wasn’t even started about asking adults. It was started about kids!! Kids don’t usually know what brand they’re wearing, especially little ones. So we now have two choices- stick your hand inside/flip the label out to read it or ask. If phrased the right way, I don’t think anyone would be embarrassed that a Morah wants to know where a mom got her kid’s outfit. “I loved what your kid was wearing today, it was so cute!!! Where did you get it?”

Heyaaa

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 7:57 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

The question is if you would do the same tag check if it was an adult?

I would ask someone where they got their outfit from. It’s considered a compliment in my community. I’m friends with people in other communities and there it’s considered offensive to ask. In certain communities it is considered normal.

Heyaaa

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 8:00 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Oh yes, they are certainly different. Full stop.
As we ask discussing checking tags I say that it shows a lot about the person who is *actively* checking kid's tags on a *regular* basis.
The difference is that the adult is big and therefore has far more power than a child.

How did this turn into something that people are doing on a regular basis. I thought were talking about something that happens a few times a year at most.

Heyaaa

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 8:02 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

The times I noticed it was visibly cut by scissors.

Yes, that is something that the manufacturer will do when they are getting rid of overstock or clothes with mild imperfections. They are not allowed to sell them under the brand name.

Heyaaa

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 8:03 am

amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:

Actually, those "other" communities are the ones that make the world colorful. Your communities make the world black and white.

“Im open minded except towards ‘those people’”

Amarante

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 8:04 am

Heyaaa wrote:

Yes, that is something that the manufacturer will do when they are getting rid of overstock or clothes with mild imperfections. They are not allowed to sell them under the brand name.

This brought back primal memories of shopping at Loehman's in Brooklyn.

Often the tags would be cut out and we were like archeologists trying to figure out who the original brand was based on the tiny bit of marking left. LOL

amother

Candycane

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 8:06 am

This thread is so funny. I wouldnt care at all if my babies babysitter checked her clothes tags. She often changes her clothes anyway so how is it any different. Im pretty sure she probably has, she always tells me that she loves the way I dress her.

I know a playgroup morah who loves clothes. I know for a fact she asks the mothers where they buy their kids clothes from, she tells me that she asked so she can give me ideas where to shop for my kids. She also asks the mothers where their own clothes are from because she loves it and wants to buy for herself. Somehow she gets away with it and people fall over themselves to help her buy the clothes! Shes been known to also ask random salesladies or waitresses or whoever where thier clothes are from when she likes it. And these people are so excited to share the links with her. Ive seen it myself. Lol I could never pull it off id just come off seeming nosey and creepy.

Ema of 5

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 8:25 am

Heyaaa wrote:

Since the child doesn’t know, you ask the person who does- their mom/dad. Of course it’s normal to ask people where they got things. What’s not ok is to stick your hand inside someone’s clothing. Did your fitness give you a reason why it’s offensive? I would think it’s a bug compliment!

amother

Dahlia

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 8:51 am

amother [ Canary ] wrote:

There’s something called milking a child for information. It’s inappropriate and impolite. It’s not okay to ask inside information from a child just because you’re curious. The point is not if she’s asking about a new car or on something else. Just don’t milk kids for information to fill your curiosity.

We had a neighbor who used to do that to me. She would ask me when I last saw my father, things like that. At the time, he was working long hours, 6-1/2 days a week (I am a BT). My mother was, needless to say, furious.

And yes, I would be angry, albeit not as angry as mom in the above situation, if an adult were checking out the brands of clothing my kids wear.

amother

Dahlia

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 9:04 am

Heyaaa wrote:

Maybe because I grew up in it but I really don’t see the problem. I don’t see it as being fashion obsessed. Conformity is a real social standard in certain chareidi communities so it’s largely expected that people will want to dress like others. Many people are happy to let others know where they bought their clothes and really don’t mind if their friend checks the label. When self expression is frowned upon and fitting in is important then this is not considered so strange.

I’m sure that other communities find this strange but I’m sure those communities have other behaviors that are considered strange by those who think this is normal. We are all different and that’s what makes the world so colorful.

If they are happy to let others know where they shop, and what brands they dress their kids in, then they would be happy to answer questions about it.

Checking kids' labels reeks of yentishness, of trying to get the inside scoop on others' habits and finances.

Simple1

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 1:37 pm

I really hate when teachers milk for information. But not all tag checking is under that category. Doing it to an older kid is weird. A child still in diapers is no big deal if done occasionally, not obsessively. The teacher is handling her many times a day. They work hard and I feel we should cut them slack and appreciate the kids are cared for and come home safe.

amother

Crocus

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 3:51 pm

amother [ Candycane ] wrote:

this playgroup morah is socially off.

Ema of 5

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 4:42 pm

amother [ Candycane ] wrote:

Do you notice the difference in what you wrote and what this thread is actually about? You wrote she ASKS. That’s fine. This thread is about the Morah checking the label while the kid stands in front of her. Many feel that’s not ok.

zaq

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 6:20 pm

Unless one is looking for a name tag because someone is claiming that the kid is wearing someone else's clothes, checking the tags is unspeakably rude. As is, BTW, turning over your host's dishes to find out what brand they are or their silver to see if it's the real deal or just plated.

dancingqueen

Wed, Jun 08 2022, 6:33 pm

amother [ Dimgray ] wrote:

I do it to kids(family or friends, I’m not a teacher) who are comfortable with me and I ask them permission first.

Btw, a teacher of little kids touches them anyway so what do you care?

Just because they change their diapers doesn’t mean a babysitter shouldn’t also respect a kids bodily autonomy.