How many friends do you have?

amother

Mon, Jun 13 2022, 9:43 pm

Do you ever wish you had more?
I'm going through something tough on my life and am realizing that most of my friendships are superficial. I do have 2 good friends but they are both struggling with different things so I end up feeling friendless...

singleagain

Mon, Jun 13 2022, 10:18 pm

Do you really want people to reply with number.s..?

You may have more people than you realize sometimes opening up and being vulnerable is exactly what it takes to make an acquaintance into a good friend..

It's basically how I made my best friend... I said to her can I tell you something really weird and you won't judge me and she said yeah and I told her something pretty deep about myself. And she was supportive and encouraging and we just took it from there

amother

Jasmine

Mon, Jun 13 2022, 10:24 pm

Really close friends? Maybe three, but even of those I wouldn’t necessarily share everything. I’m very private and I feel that I experience very deep pain that others won’t get. That’s what my therapist is for. I can’t imagine people have more than 3 or maybe 4 really close friends. I have lots of other friends, and I wouldn’t call them all superficial as we can have the occasional deep conversation, but they aren’t people I’d regularly confide in.

amother

Bone

Mon, Jun 13 2022, 10:25 pm

I keep my friendships light and save the heavy stuff for therapy.
ETA: I also have my program friends that are going they the same tzaros as me

amother

Bluebell

Tue, Jun 14 2022, 4:04 pm

When I was in college a friend asked me how many close friends I think a person should have. She had gone for an interview for some program and had been taken aback to be asked this question. I replied "two or three, tops. Just one is not enough; you should never rely on just one person. It's not fair to either of you. More than three truly close friends, the kind you can really confide in, is unsustainable. If everyone is your best friend, then they're just regular friends, not best friends. You can't share that much of yourself and still be true to yourself." I believed that then and I believe it now.

I agree with a PP that some things you don't share even with a bestie. Some things you tell your dh, your therapist, or G-d.

ETA: The status of BFF is not dependent on physical proximity or frequency of contact, though of course both help. You can be BFF with someone you speak to only every few months. It's your emotional connnection that counts most.

amother

Magenta

Tue, Jun 14 2022, 4:08 pm

I have one real friend and she lives nowhere near me.

I have a few local ladies I call friends, and I genuinely like them and feel we click, but it's not the same. I haven't known them as long and don't spend a lot of time with them. They are all busy with their families and their careers. We might invite each other over for shabbos or even get together for lunch on a rare occasion but none ever call me up just to say hi or see how I'm doing and so I'm very uncomfortable doing that myself. I don't feel I can confide in them private things. So friends, but not friends. More like really, really good acquaintances.

Truth told, I'm a very lonely person.

amother

Viola

Tue, Jun 14 2022, 4:17 pm

At best 3, but it's really more like 1 and two halves...because two of the folks have a lot of their own stuff going on and are limited in how much they can support me.

And one of them is my husband--the whole person.

So, yeah I guess I have a half of two other friends, kinda...

And before I had my husband, I was divorced and it was horribly lonely--not in an everyday kind of way but in a "there just doesn't seem to be anyone who really gets me or that I can count on" kind of way.

Not_in_my_town

Tue, Jun 14 2022, 4:26 pm

The only real close friend I ever had was a guy I dated years ago. And I'm not permitted to be in contact with him since I'm married.

So no close friends.

I can count on one hand the people I enjoy spending (limited) time with or would have more personal conversations with.

amother

Acacia

Tue, Jun 14 2022, 4:42 pm

What does the term friend, in this context really mean?

I have 1 friend that I truly reveal the good, bad, and ugly to. She does the same with me.
I have 2 additional friends who I know would genuinely drop everything if I really needed something (ok-2 in a crisis and only one in a simcha) and about 2-3 more who would be happy to help if they could work it into their schedule and they would genuinely try.
I have another handful of friends who I can chat with and hang out with and are happy to be part of something. They would make a meal in need or come to a simcha, but I don’t honestly let my guard down with them or them with me.

amother

Thistle

Tue, Jun 14 2022, 6:54 pm

3 good friends. One of which I speak to probably every day. Ppl I like to hang out with and go walking with our drop by for a visit... Maybe 4. Mostly woman who have kids my kids ages and we click well. Then my family.