What are your family rules

amother

Linen

Wed, Jun 15 2022, 5:10 am

#BestBubby wrote:

I did not see any rules about speaking respectfully to parents.

Or doing assigned chores.

Are those just "givens" that don't have to mentioned?

speaking respectfully towards parents is like "no hitting". It's obviously not ok, doesn't need to be a family rule. Family rules is more something that works for our family like eating in the kitchen. Talking respectfully is like saying no coloring on walls, no spilling ketchup on beds...

My kids (still very little) hate doing chores. When I ask them here or there to help me I expect them to do it. Like please put this in the trash. Friday if they do 3 chores then they get a reward.

pause

Wed, Jun 15 2022, 5:21 am

My kids don't have daily chores, only erev Shabbos which works with a rewards system.
I don't have a rule to speak respectfully to parents. Mostly my kids speak respectfully, but when they don't, I rephrase what they said in a more respectful way. I don't "make" them say it; I just say it for them.

Amelia Bedelia

Wed, Jun 15 2022, 6:18 am

I'm not good at making or enforcing rules. We don't do too many rules in my house. Some are not rules but just common sense, like not going to a friend's house after school without permission, throw dirty clothes in the hamper, dirty disposable dishes or wrappers in the garbage, or no crossing streets until I officially give permission.
One rule we do have is if you take food and another younger child wants, you have to prepare for that one too. I can't stop what I'm doing to prepare a grilled cheese or pour a drink just because Little Child saw Big Brother take and now wants one too.

amother

Jasmine

Wed, Jun 15 2022, 6:31 am

Wash hands when you come in
Wash hands after eating
No going outside without permission
No hurting siblings with words or hands
No slime
No coming out of bed after bedtime
Homework before playing
No outdoor toys like balls and jumprope in the house

amother

Wed, Jun 15 2022, 9:59 am

This was such fun to read. I think my house is more structured than I thought! A lot of these rules we have. Some are really funny.

(On the other hand I let my kids jump on the couches and beds and pull the couch cushions out on shabbos and do all kinds of whacky stuff with it.. We have a limitless ices rule in the summer and I let friends over all the time...)

amother

Crimson

Wed, Jun 15 2022, 10:05 am

amother [ Peachpuff ] wrote:

8) no milchigs for ANYONE till 6 hours after we finished our cholent, no exceptions.
.

What about babies? Or toddlers who eat supper earlier and may want yogurt or cereal.

We were given halachic guidelines how long everyone needs to way and we’re told until 5 don’t really need to wait. After that we add 1 hr every year for chinuch. The reason is young ppl need nutrition.

Zehava

Wed, Jun 15 2022, 10:12 am

Lemme think. The rules keep changing so…
1. If you have no reason for being late/absent I’m not writing any late notes or helping you get to school.
2. No custom orders for dinner
3. Crafts need permission
4. Snacks before dinner only if dinner isn’t ready
5. If you stay home sick you stay home bored. No special activities, foods, and definitely no screentime.
6. I don’t yell back or come to a kid when they’re perfectly capable of coming to me.

They’re all pretty practical, I don’t make rules just because. Just trying to run the house with a semblance of normalcy.

Last edited by Zehava on Wed, Jun 15 2022, 10:25 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Tuberose

Wed, Jun 15 2022, 10:34 am

Zehava wrote:

I don't understand rule #5. When my kids are home sick I feel bad that they feel so miserable, and I try to do whatever I can to distract them from not feeling well (assuming they are not in bed and feel well enough to participate). It's bad enough being sick, why make then be bored also?

Zehava

Wed, Jun 15 2022, 10:39 am

amother [ Tuberose ] wrote:

If staying home is exciting then they “get sick” quite often.
I would rather believe them when they say they’re sick than have to question them every time. If they’re really sick they don’t need distractions. They only really get bored when they’re taking a day off for no reason.

Amelia Bedelia

Wed, Jun 15 2022, 10:39 am

amother [ Tuberose ] wrote:

Obviously that rule doesn't work for you. You need to do what works for your family. If I would have a child who constantly looks for excuses to stay home from school, I would need to implement a rule like Zehava.
Like the poster who didn't understand another poster's rule about no bringing friends without permission. I totally get that rule! It's an unwritten rule in my family. I live in a small apartment with a relatively large family, and you can imagine that my home is not usually presentable for outsiders. Dh is also home a lot and I have teenagers who would really resent having others in their space unexpectedly, especially if the house is embarrassingly not neat enough.

amother

Teal

Wed, Jun 15 2022, 10:46 am

Our rules:
Everyone has a right to feel 100% safe in our home, and no one is more important than another. No physical violence, no emotional abuse, no bullying or threatening.

If you're the last one home at night, you're responsible to lock the doors. And if you come in after I'm in bed for the night, to tell me that you're home safe.

Internet and screentime is basically zero for kids. No texting (under age 15) or internet chats. If you want to say something to a friend, dial the number and use your voice.

When it's cleanup time, everyone who is home helps, no one is excluded, unless they're studying for finals or something. If you make a mess, clean it up. If you drop something, pick it up.
Friday afternoon your bedroom must be neat and vacuumed.

If you make a mistake or bad decision, I will always be here to help you but I cannot fix it for you. You will have to fix it yourself. I trust you to make good choices.

mha3484

Wed, Jun 15 2022, 3:20 pm

I don't do rules I do expectations. I had a basic idea of this from the explosive child but my sons menahel really explained it well in this podcast. https://www.chinuchshow.com/di.....ller/

I expect you to act like a mentch. Say please and thank you. No attitude when I ask for you to participate. This can be showering, homework, clearing the table. Whatever the topic of contention is at the moment.

I expect you to treat siblings with derech eretz. I have 3 boys there will be fighting but you have to respect limits. Same with adults.

Telling my kids I expect x y or z vs your not allowed to do this changed my whole house. We reduced power struggles and my kids really rose to the occasion. Its worth a listen.