Daughter came back from seminary - support group

amother

Jetblack

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 3:33 pm

Oh boy same!!!
I liked it better when she was away.
Tears every time I broach the topic of what are you going to do this summer.
I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. Iyh this stage should pass quickly

amother

Apple

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 3:35 pm

It's kind of normal. Why don't you have a talk with her and ask her what's truly bothering her. Maybe you can fix the relationship and make your home a place she loves to be.

amother

Peachpuff

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 3:38 pm

Help her apply and/or find a job or volunteer work at the seminary.and/ or in E”Y. There are also college based programs in English.
Empathisize validate her and ship her out Wink

she will learn.
She can earn money while there to help support herself. Best education.

amother

Hunter

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 3:39 pm

Please give her a couple of weeks to land. Don't nudge or push her or sit her down for any serious talks. She needs to acclimate.

Zehava

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 3:42 pm

It’s not about you. She’s been in a bubble for a year. Now it’s back to real life. Empathize and support. It’s ok for our kids to go through challenging times. It builds character.

amother

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 3:44 pm

amother [ Apple ] wrote:

It's kind of normal. Why don't you have a talk with her and ask her what's truly bothering her. Maybe you can fix the relationship and make your home a place she loves to be.

I want to improve what I can. She is trying to communicate some hard things that she wants to see improved. She acknowledges that a lot is my and dh personalities. She's comfortable sharing with me, but not so much with dh... She is trying to be respectful, but I can see how unhappy she is... I suggested she speaks with a mentor and I'm open to some constructive criticism - it still hurts...

amother

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 3:45 pm

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

I'm sorry for your pain. Big hug

amother

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 3:46 pm

amother [ Peachpuff ] wrote:

Help her apply and/or find a job or volunteer work at the seminary.and/ or in E”Y. There are also college based programs in English.
Empathisize validate her and ship her out Wink

she will learn.
She can earn money while there to help support herself. Best education.

I strongly encouraged her to stay in E"Y. She decided to be practical and do college/work back at home...

amother

Diamond

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 3:47 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

She is emotional, critical, disappointed to be back. She is my oldest. It hurts.

She loves you and she loves her family. But it’s that pesky time when you long to run things your way, and you’re at your parents’ house. It’s that stage where they are almost an adult and itching to get there.

I mean. Don’t you feel the same way when you move into your parents house for yom tov and your mother is badgering you about washing the dishes and the baby is crying and you always do dishes at night but she wants it done NOW?
…no? Just me?

Anyway, it’s a healthy wonderful sign of growing up. It would be worse if she hated being in seminary all year and longed for you to take care of her instead.

amother

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 3:48 pm

amother [ Hunter ] wrote:

Please give her a couple of weeks to land. Don't nudge or push her or sit her down for any serious talks. She needs to acclimate.

Thank you, I think you are right on... We still need to coexist for those couple weeks... I'm trying

amother

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 3:51 pm

amother [ Diamond ] wrote:

Thank you for saying this. It's a new chapter, I need to measure up

amother

Hosta

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 3:51 pm

I could have written the exact same thing and my daughter DIDN'T go to seminary, she'sin college locally. It's the age. Since high school as she's become an "adult" she feels it's now time to express her disappointment with how I do things.
My 19 year old daughter is critical, emotional and dissatisfied with living at home. She is hard to be around sometimes. I still love her and know that this will pass like all other stages have.

I listen to her criticisms and empathize with her and try to be understanding of how hard it is to be living ar home as a young adult. That's all I can really do.

amother

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 5:25 pm

amother [ Hosta ] wrote:

Wow, so these might not go away in a few weeks... Do they feel like this basically until they are out of the house... No wonder our girls, in general, want to marry young... I'm concerned though that unsettleness at home is not a healthy reason to get married

amother

Hosta

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 5:32 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I feel like it stems from the desire to have their own homes and do things their own way. It's a perfectly healthy reason im my opinion to want to get married. Doesn't mean she should start dating immediately and get married next week. It means she's readying herself for the next stage in life.

amother

Lemonlime

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 6:02 pm

Encourage lots of independence. Both in terms of her managing cleaning her own living space/ laundry, preparing her meals. And also just getting out and doing things alone or with friends, without having to check in with you or share her comings and goings.