What to do when you're never good enough?

amother

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 3:28 pm

Can anyone who has been in the situation help me?

I am a perfectionist, and nothing I do feels like it's good enough.
I do get compliments and validation about things I am good at, but I always find the ways it could have been done better.
That's besides the things I am actually not good at, like keeping a clean home, which make me feel like an absolute failure because "everyone else manages to get it right, why can't I?"

Please don't suggest therapy, it's not an option right now. I just need some little tips on how to get out of this mindset or what to say to myself when I start feeling this way.

Thank you!

Zehava

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 3:29 pm

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma https://a.co/d/i9kOJGu
Cheaper than therapy and more effective

amother

Daffodil

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 3:32 pm

I am the same way. For me it stems from being emotionally abused by my parents and being told nothing I did was good enough. Nothing I have tried has fixed it. Even when I am truly successful and do a perfect job I still hear the voice saying not good enough.

amother

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 3:33 pm

Zehava wrote:

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma https://a.co/d/i9kOJGu
Cheaper than therapy and more effective

Thank you so much!

tichellady

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 4:30 pm

This is something I am working on too. I try to tell myself that I am more than my accomplishments, my actions, I am worthy because I am here, not because of what I get done on my to do list.

happy7

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 7:01 pm

If you cannot go to therapy,
Follow the steps.
1) Learn about perfectionism. It may have NOTHING to fo with ptsd or trauma. It may have LOTS To do with it. You can read books or Listen to podcasts. Learn what it is, what it does to your thought patterns.
2) Accept that it is real.
3) Then understand that you can change.
4) Learn tools to work on changing your thought patterns
5) implement
It’s very hard work. But it can be done.

amother

Mauve

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 9:25 pm

Zehava wrote:

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma https://a.co/d/i9kOJGu
Cheaper than therapy and more effective

Can you explain a bit about the book ?
I’m also a victim of very traumatic childhood

amother

Snow

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 9:31 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Funny I’m also a perfectionist by nature though I don’t usually get compliments, I don’t think I do a good job etc.. But my house is always messy. By me it’s or perfect or if it can’t be perfect then forget about it.

Wondering if there is any correlation to the 2.

Aurora

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 10:06 pm

When I catch myself thinking this way, I start telling myself another story. I treat that little voice as the yetzer hara.

"Everyone else manages to get it right, why can't I?"
"Ah, yetzer hara, my old friend. You've come to talk to me again. With a vision softly sleeping. But these thoughts I'll not be keeping...Silly. I know that everyone has different strengths."

I try to catch the thoughts and just let them sit for a bit. Then let them go. Sometimes I pretend I'm blowing them away from my hand like a dandelion.

You wouldn't let someone talk like this to one of your friends. Be a friend to yourself.

amother

Fri, Jun 17 2022, 4:35 am

amother [ Snow ] wrote:

There totally is, and I've never thought about it.
I've read articles on studies done on gifted kids who often don't live up to their potential because they are afraid of failure, and I think this is true for prefectionists.
Were you very really smart as a kid?

For me I think the cleaning part might actually be PTSD because I find I can't clean the house at all when I am emotionally depleted.
Everything else is fear of failure.

amother

Fri, Jun 17 2022, 4:36 am

Aurora wrote:

I love that song, so am definitely going to try to remember this self-talk.
Thank you!

Zehava

Fri, Jun 17 2022, 4:40 am

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

Can you explain a bit about the book ?
I’m also a victim of very traumatic childhood

Look up the description and the reviews. And some articles online by Pete Walker. It’s the most well spent 15$ of my life.