Blaming myself for babies delayed development

amother

Thu, Jun 23 2022, 11:49 am

My baby gets OT and PT total of 3 sessions per week.

I blame myself a lot for her developmental issues. Crying

She had health issues that needed a NICU stay. And then a PICU stay when she was 3 months old. Bh she's perfectly healthy now, but she does have low muscle tone in her legs and doesn't stand on her own or walk. She's 19 months old.

She also hits herself on the face when she's annoyed or upset which freaks me out. She'll bang her head on the floor/walls occasionally too.

We're pouring a LOT into her which I'm grateful for. But now we're being told her drooling and her silence around others isn't normal and she'll need speech/feeding therapy to work on it. It's a lot and I feel down about it.

I'm also curious if she's eligible for OPWDD services because I'd love for her to be in a program with kids, I just don't want to feel that she's "different" than others her age. Struggling with that.

Any advise or support from other mamas doing the therapy dance would be great!

amother

Thu, Jun 23 2022, 11:55 am

amother [ Green ] wrote:

Ok I'm a SLP and also the mother of a delicious toddler who's very similar to yours.

Why are you blaming yourself?????????

Hey Green! Do you see kids similar to what I mentioned above?

How's your toddler?

I blame myself because I treated her like she was fagile when I took her home. Never put her on her stomach because I was scared to (due to lung issues). No one told me it wasn't safe, I was just scared to.

I also suffered from PPD/PPA after she was born and wasn't present for many months until I treated it.

amother

Thu, Jun 23 2022, 11:58 am

I didn't make any summer plans due to her therapy schedule. I also work from home so I should be able to get her the help she needs.

I'm dying to get out though. I want to get an office job and get out of the house but I'm very attached to her and I feel she wouldn't be able to defend herself from others her age.

I'm very overprotective for sure. Too much maybe? I don't believe so.

She's a heaven little dolly bh but sometimes it's a bit hard. Especially carrying her around everywhere, etc.

Not_in_my_town

Thu, Jun 23 2022, 11:59 am

OP, your baby's challenges have been decreed for your baby since the beginning of time.

You were chosen to receive this precious neshama because Hashem knew you were the best suited to nurture her.

As long as you were treating her as fragile out of love and care, and not out of sinister intent, you have nothing to feel guilty about. You did your best to care for your child. That's what matters.

You are blameless.

amother

Thu, Jun 23 2022, 12:04 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Sounds like you are doing alot for your DD. You should pat yourself on the back! Why the blaming?

Thank you for your kind words! Ok, fine, pat pat Smile

I do want to believe that I'm doing the best I can for her, and I think we are. bh.

amother

Thu, Jun 23 2022, 12:05 pm

Not_in_my_town wrote:

I almost cried reading this, I'm super emotional about this whole thing. You're so sweet for writing this. Thank you!

amother

Khaki

Thu, Jun 23 2022, 12:07 pm

Op, your babies issues at this age sound like my dc's at this age.

The best help you can get them is therapy at a young age.

I was so hard to Believe at that time, but the right help now is priceless for later.

Can you get special instruction and play therapy, too? Push for it if you have to.

It's so hard to watch your child hurt themselves. Sending you hugs!!

Not_in_my_town

Thu, Jun 23 2022, 12:07 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I almost cried reading this, I'm super emotional about this whole thing. You're so sweet for writing this. Thank you!

And that's exactly why, I surmise, Hashem chose to give you this child. You feel deeply.

Who can better care for a child with challenges than one who cares so intensely?

Wishing you much nachas from your sweetie pie and koach to get through the challenges.

amother

Thu, Jun 23 2022, 12:10 pm

Not_in_my_town wrote:

I want to hug you in real life. Lol. But really. Thank you!

amother

Thu, Jun 23 2022, 12:13 pm

amother [ Khaki ] wrote:

Yes! Bh I'm so happy that we were able to get these services after months of waiting and loads of paperwork.

How is your child doing?

I've never heard of special instruction therapy, I'll have to ask the coordinator.

Is play therapy like OT?

And yeah, it's really hard watching a child hurt themselves purposely. It also raises so many red flags in my mind, but we're doing the most we can.

Thank you so much for your response!

amother

Green

Thu, Jun 23 2022, 12:14 pm

Ok, first of all it's very common for a baby who had a rough start in life to be delayed. That's ok! Every kid can develop at their own pace! The tantrums and drooling are very common among speech delayed kids. (My toddler also bangs her head when she tantrums!)
Because I'm in the field, I made sure to aggressively pursue every therapy we could get both from EI and insurance. I won't deny how crazy that makes our schedule, but it's temporary. And if you send her out, your baby will have a great time playing with other kids (after the first few days!!!) and her therapists can see here there.
And once you know you've gotten her all the help you can -- your job is to sit back, relax, yum her to pieces, have fun and get silly -- and just let her development unfold. You can do it!

amother

Navyblue

Thu, Jun 23 2022, 12:16 pm

OP, my 19mo also sometimes hits herself when frustrated. I find it happens most when she's frustrated about something while overtired. I quickly give her a small shoulder massage because I think it's a kind of sensory seeking thing from being overwhelmed but of course also try to get her to a nap/sleep quickly thereafter.

amother

Khaki

Thu, Jun 23 2022, 12:44 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I hadn't heard of special instruction (SI) or play therapy either.
Please push for it.

It's not like OT.

Also, the right OT is crucial.
When we finally got approved for OT, We had a terrible ot. Maybe thats why si and play therapy was so beneficial for us, along with a skilled OT.

More than asking the coordinator, request a eval.
I learned you really have to fight for yourself and your child.

Regarding my DC, the hurting themselves and banging got a *lot lot worse*, and only then did I get all the additional services.

BH my child is doing a lot better.

Some days better some days worse, but for the most part we are doing better BH.

It's hard to imagine what those days were like, I wonder some times if that was really my reality, I'm so thankful to Hashem that we got services and DC is thriving.

amother

Tue, Jul 05 2022, 8:08 pm

Hey. So baby got approved for speech therapy once a week.
Do I sound dramatic when I say we have therapists coming and going here?
They also want to do a special Ed evaluation which I’m not sure of. Yes I want it but also what if somethings off? I don’t want to label her.
Feeling so sad again 😩

amother

Magenta

Tue, Jul 05 2022, 8:16 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

EI special Ed eval is for SI, which was mentioned upthread. They generally don't label a child with a diagnosis from those EI evals. They will write up a report that lists her delays in specific areas and then either recommend special Ed services, (called special instruction) or not. SI can be amazing for kids that can use it. They work on things like play skills, social, cognitive skills (recognizing pics/age appropriate puzzles), etc.

amother

Magenta

Tue, Jul 05 2022, 8:16 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

amother

IndianRed

Tue, Jul 05 2022, 8:16 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

In a special Ed eval at this age it is unlikely she will be labeled. It is to check where she is developmentally in relation to her peers. It will help her get the most services possible so she can move forward in life and catch up with children her age.