Approx. How much $$$ do I need to marry off DS - yeshivish

amother

Cappuccino

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 12:51 pm

kollel_wife wrote:

I'm not going to give you a figure, as I don't recall any more, but I hope the simcha is soon.
But want to mention:

Glase (Lakewood)- is a jewelry place, low key, yeshivishe owner, where you can get nicer stuff for better prices and more variety than the expensive stores.

Also Tzadok Katz (Zichron Matel, I think) has a tzedaka for chasanim in need which helps with outfitting the choson, and machzorim, leichter, if one is in financial need. Could be it's only for Lakewood chasanim, but I have no idea.

Bais Faiga is the least expensive hall, with takanos for the boys side, (not 50/50), comes out very inexpensive. I don't have current figures.

Yes! Just wanted to point out the store is spelled Glace. And they definitely had more options in lower prices than other stores we checked.

snailmail

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 1:59 pm

I am feeling sick as to how much everything costs. I have no idea how I will pay for groceries next week without adding it to the ever increasing credit card debt, never mind making a simcha. B"H I have a number of years until I have to marry off a child, so I have time to save up - but even saving up is a huge chunk of change from monthly income. I am hoping the extravagance would have calmed down by then. I was hoping the Carona weddings would have changed the industry (simple back yard with only close family; not the 400 people out in a rented property etc)

I got married over 10 years ago, so things may have changed. I have no idea how much things cost then and no idea how my parents & in laws paid or managed to pay for it all. I got diamond bracelet, lichters, siddur & tehillim, pearl necklace in yichud room. No sheital. No furniture. No machzorim. In-laws paid for FLOP.

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 2:22 pm

amother [ Razzmatazz ] wrote:

How on earth are any of you finding such cheap jewelry?? Are the diamonds real? Or are they dust/chips like. From the day your child gets engaged till the day of vort is around 10k for standard. After that it’ll cost as of the past month roughly 50-75k. A lot of things have gone up tremendously and depends on the gifts, furniture, clothing etc..

I'm sorry, my brain seems to have broken. Where in the world does one find 50-75k? Where does this money come from? And for more than one kid's chasunah, too!

I'm MO, we live waaaaaaaaay the heck OOT, my husband and I both work, and we only have two kids. But we absolutely do not have a spare 50k just lying around. I do not mean in any way to pry into anyone's personal finances, but I would very sincerely love to know how one achieves this kind of savings multiple times over.

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 3:56 pm

snailmail wrote:

I feel for you.
Im sorry to break it to your but the extravagance shows no signs of calming down and they won't calm down unless you refuse to play the game so to say.
Corona didn't change anything and corona weddings were in fact the same price or more than a regular wedding.
Im In israel.

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 4:03 pm

SuperWify wrote:

My cousins in Israel get CZ’s. They get a “designer” watch (like Michael Kors something for about $200) and 1 piece of real jewelry of their choice. Siddur and machzor and I dont think candlesticks. You can’t compare because the standards are very very different there.

The average yeshivish person gets about a 1 carat which is a minimum of $2k. There is no cheaper. Really.

AFAIK all kallahs here get CZ.
About 8 years ago I know there was a concept of ring bracelet earrings and necklace. At that time it was around 10000 NIS minimum.
I think my SIL did get siddur machzorim and candle sticks for kallah (she is litvish very yeshivish)
Silver judaica is considerably cheaper here than in USA.

watergirl

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 4:33 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

I agree that presents have spiraled out of control and that trends are ridiculous... But gifts for a kallah are actually found in the torah. Think Eliezer bringing gifts from Yitzchak to Rivka. So to suggest that gifts are rooted in peer pressure isn't true either

People need to stop using this as their justification for forcing people to spend thousands and more for jewelry for weddings.

Remember who Yitzchak’s father was? The wealthiest man in the world at that time. He spent within his means. I would like to think Avraham Avinu never imagined the gifts he sent for Rivka would someday be used as rationale for this “custom” which sometimes amounts to little less than extortion. We should follow Avraham Avinu’s example and also spend within our means. No loans for this. No borrowing. Just what Hashem gave us.

amother

Heather

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 4:41 pm

happy7 wrote:

We made a super simple wedding. Dresses from Gemach. No flowers. One man band. The wedding itself cost us (just for our side of expenses- we split most of the costs) $26000. Just the night of the wedding. Additional $10-15K for furniture and home set up. We bought only the basics of clothing and shoes. I am
Not including that in the costs. each side gave two months rent. Super super simple.
We did not host any Sheva Brachos nor an ufruf Shabbos. We didn’t have party favors etc. no fancy photographer. (In short, nothing like what you see on Instagram.)
If you are really planning, ask real people. Not magazine and not estimates. People who will generously share information of what they actually paid.

Wow that’s scary. I was told 45k for an average wedding but one with flowers and photography etc. seems like I wasn’t given accurate info

amother

Copper

Thu, Jun 16 2022, 7:48 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

yes, all kallahs get CZ.
I wrote on the other thread I married an israeli ffb guy.

the concept of bracelet, earrings and necklace exists. But all cz, nothing real.

No machzorim. no silver.

DH learned in yerushalayim, in laws from kiryat sefer. My SIL from Bnei brak had the same as me.

amother

Camellia

Thu, Jun 23 2022, 3:32 pm

I don't have kids marriageable age yet- and thank god for that, because I totally wouldn't be able to afford any of this right now. I agree with the commenters that are saying that the standards have gotten outrageous, and in some places, it is downright unreasonable, and I too hope for change also by the time I marry off my kids.

This being said, I want to add that spending on certain things during the engagement- things that last forever - is money well spent. I feel horrible admitting to this, because I will probably sound immature, but I was a little sad when I got my engagement ring due to the fact that the diamond was *significantly* smaller than those of my friends/neighbors/acquaintances at that time. (If I remember correctly, the jeweler said it was 0.67 ct). I of course was overly gracious and thankful to my in laws, especially knowing that they were on a tight budget and did the best they could, and I always make sure to wear it when I'm with them. BUT a part of me wishes they got me a diamond that was more "typical" in size (similar to what their daughters got when they were engaged), even if it squeezed their budget. Because, in the scheme of life, the extra $1000 that it would have costed them to get me a diamond that was closer to 1 ct, which is most common, would have meant the world to me in the long run. It's a one time expense that would have made a difference for me for the rest of my life. I don't mean to sound dramatic , and never verbalized this to anyone before, but when I was engaged I told myself that when I marry off a son, no matter how poor I might be, I will make sure his kallah gets a ring that is at least what is considered average, for the times, so she doesnt feel like she got less than her friends and siblings. I don't want to scimp-out on a life long gift, that a kallah will wear every single day imyh.

Edit- I say $1000 would have made all the difference, because I actually looked into it at the time. I spoke to the jeweler and to get a 1 ct diamond vs a 0.67 diamond with the exact same clarity as the one my in laws gave me, would have been exactly $1000.
( Bear in mind I got married 16 years ago. I'm sure cost would be different today)

P.S. my ring size changed after several pregnancies and I never bothered to adjust my ring, I just don't like it and don't enjoy wearing it, it always felt like a bas mitzvah ring to me. I still squeeze it on and wear when I'm with my in laws at simchos or yomim tovim.

Sorry to hijack this thread, but seemed like a good place to vent LOL

amother

Stoneblue

Thu, Jun 23 2022, 3:43 pm

amother [ Camellia ] wrote:

I can definitely understand why you were disappointed. Maybe you can treat yourself to an upgrade and use the excuse of your fingers changed sizes. You can get a nicer setting with more little diamonds so the overall look isn’t a small diamond. Or get a bigger diamond if you have the money. My ring I think is .8 CT but it’s in a very elaborate setting I chose with lots of other diamonds (and not just the little tiny specs type.) the halo it’s in really makes it look bigger in my opinion. I love my ring and have gotten many compliments on it. You deserve to upgrade to something you like!