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I'm so frustrated with boss
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2022, 2:38 pm
I'm the 'office manager/supervisor' of my company. It's a small service based business and my job evolved over time to include lots more responsibilities. Most of them just happened on its own like it was never a specific discussion with the boss that now I'm supposed to be doing xyz.

At this point we are very low staffed vs the amount of work we have and ultimately everything falls on ME! the other employees are maxed out and my boss seems to think that because he's paying everything they need to be more than maxed and they should figure out how to take on the work that needs to happen because 'he's paying them'. Other than that, it all supposedly falls on yours truly. At some point recently I put my foot down. I don't own this business, have no gain here in killing myself for it (I won't make more money, don't need a higher position) I told him very clearly that half these things he wants me to do and I tell him I don't have time for or never signed up for, it is simply that. It was never something included in my job and if you want me to do it then let's have a discussion about it. I think he got scared that I'll walk out on him so he backed off a bit. But, It's started again and I'm trying to stick up for myself but its soo hard and frustrating. He keeps blaming me for everything. Why isn't' the work getting done quick enough, Why can't we find more ppl to hire, Why did this employee mess up when you are supposed to be on top of them and more. I keep stating very clearly my position and that I can't do everyone else's jobs, and I'm already doing 2 people's jobs and I'm maxed out myself and all these other reasons, but we literally go in circles and I end up feeling so bad.

He's a nice person. He doesn't mean it in a bad way. He just wants me to basically run his business and to make money at the same time while he sits in a comfy chair. But I'm not a partner, not getting paid as one, don't' want to be one and already putting my all into the job and picking up so much slack and who knows what else, only to be told all these 'complaints' again and again and again.

DH tells me I made my points clear to him more than enough times and at this point I should just ignore it and hopefully it'll pass. But I just feel so not good. He appreciates the work I do but I just feel like why am I not good enough! and Yes, when you own a start up business it won't necc come easy to you and that doesn't' mean that you have to dump it all on me:(
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amother
Firethorn


 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2022, 2:57 pm
Gosh! I could have written the exact same post. I just went to use the bathroom and gave myself two extra minutes to breath and think about something else before I go back to the craziness. I asked my boss today to make a phone call to deal with a situation with a client, something that is not my responsibility to deal with, it's his, and he got so angry at me. I tried explaining why I asked him to do it and why it's not my responsibility but he didn't want to hear it. And then he gets upset when I can't get my work done plus the work of the people he hasn't hired. And he won't listen to me. But he sits and watches stuff on his computer all day, literally doing nothing for the company.

Your business has grown. You're making more money. Thank Hashem and then hire more employees to deal with it. Yes I know the local job market is crazy and you don't want to pay those prices. But if you keep treating me like this I'm going to take advantage of the crazy job market and then you'll really be stuck!
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Lady A




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2022, 3:15 pm
When dh and I used to work for ‘heimishe’ type companies, we encountered this as well. We have both moved on to more ‘corporate’ type companies, much larger with better salaries and benefits. Still not perfect but we are more protected from this because of our HR departments.
My advice is let your bosses pick up the slack. It’s their responsibility, bottom line. If they want their businesses to grow, they need to invest more hours than any other employee.
Good luck!
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2022, 4:15 pm
Management software?

First off I'd say just for yourself, practice not feeling even the slightest bit bad that you're not able to fulfill this guy's dream of making money with 0 effort for him.

After that - maybe if he could see your schedules and what work is getting done, he'd feel less of a need to pester you about specific tasks. Bonus, would make it easier to give very dry, boring, unemotional answers to each ask. Why haven't we hired anyone for X yet? "The hiring process will take around 20 hours. Take a look at my schedule and tell me which tasks I can push off until next month, and I'll make it happen." etc.

In general I'm a fan of being boring and vaguely cheerful. Best if you can turn it around on him, too, answer every question with a request for his opinion. Why isn't the work getting done faster? It's going about as quickly as it usually does. Do you know anyone else we could hire? Why did someone mess up? I've talked to him about it a few times, but he does still make mistakes occasionally. Do you have any advice for me?

"How would you like me to address this going forward?" is an especially fun one. Useful in most situations.

Basic goal is that instead of absorbing his stress, you return to sender. Every time he tries to pressure you, he ends up having to do the actual work of thinking about his business and making decisions.
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2022, 4:20 pm
I don't think your goal should be to change him, FTR. It might get him to find a different dumping ground for his stress, but mostly the idea is just to feel better with yourself. Know that you gave him an option, and he chose to have you focus on X instead of Y, and if he comes around whining that Y isn't happening fast enough you can say, "we did choose to focus on X this month, but next month I'd be happy to focus on Y" calmly and with confidence that you've done nothing wrong.

I disagree with your dh, too, though. It probably won't pass. This is the kind of boss he is. And it's not great. If you have good pay and conditions it might be good to stick around, because it sounds like you're learning a lot and getting a lot of responsibilities there. But ultimately I'd be looking to move on to a job with better management.
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2022, 8:25 pm
Your boss won't change, and there's no reason why you should have to walk on eggs for the rest of your life. Dust off that resume, polish it up and start looking for something new.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2022, 9:04 pm
Thank you posters for the validation and good advice!!! really appreciated!!

Leaving is not really an option for me right now. Mainly because of the flexibility I have at the job but few other reasons too.

I'm not really looking to change boss. I'm looking to have him stop acting like this to me for once and for all!

we literally go in circles. Ora43 mentioned to me very boring in telling him what will happen when, or can't happen, good advice! I kinda of do that already...

His response to me 'letting him know' are usually "you always know how to figure it out, I trust you you'll make it work, I know you told me that but it still can't be happening, I know we discussed this and you were taking care of other things but there has to be a way to avoid this-I need you to make sure it doesn't happen again.

and on and on and on...He tells me 'you know how many projects I have waiting for you to take on? what do you want me to do with them? you can't keep telling me you and everyone else are so busy, I can't keep holding clients back, this can't keep happening that we are in this situation.

Umm-so you do them if you need someone to take care of it! what exactly do you want from me??
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amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2022, 9:17 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thank you posters for the validation and good advice!!! really appreciated!!

Leaving is not really an option for me right now. Mainly because of the flexibility I have at the job but few other reasons too.

I'm not really looking to change boss. I'm looking to have him stop acting like this to me for once and for all!

we literally go in circles. Ora43 mentioned to me very boring in telling him what will happen when, or can't happen, good advice! I kinda of do that already...

His response to me 'letting him know' are usually "you always know how to figure it out, I trust you you'll make it work, I know you told me that but it still can't be happening, I know we discussed this and you were taking care of other things but there has to be a way to avoid this-I need you to make sure it doesn't happen again.

and on and on and on...He tells me 'you know how many projects I have waiting for you to take on? what do you want me to do with them? you can't keep telling me you and everyone else are so busy, I can't keep holding clients back, this can't keep happening that we are in this situation.

Umm-so you do them if you need someone to take care of it! what exactly do you want from me??


As someone who works for someone exactly like you describe and who actually posted many times this exact question on imamother I can tell you that 5 plus years in it does not get better. Boss will continue to deflect to you and run you ragged. If he hires more then the pfoblems only get worse in that there is total confusion on who does what, who did what, when etc. I am finallly quitting in a couple of weeks for a more well run business and couldn't be more excited!
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amother
Black


 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2022, 9:19 pm
Did you post this a while ago?
Make a list of the actual responsibilities that you get paid for. Drop it on his desk and remind him this is what you're doing. When he asks for a project update, smile and say "I'm busy with #3 on the actual list of things I was hired and being paid for."
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2022, 9:43 pm
amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:
As someone who works for someone exactly like you describe and who actually posted many times this exact question on imamother I can tell you that 5 plus years in it does not get better. Boss will continue to deflect to you and run you ragged. If he hires more then the pfoblems only get worse in that there is total confusion on who does what, who did what, when etc. I am finallly quitting in a couple of weeks for a more well run business and couldn't be more excited!


WOW! good for you!!!
The other day I was so done and was serious about looking for a new job but I can't imagine the stress of starting to prove myself all over again! I'm pregnant and have other kids and have no patience for that...
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2022, 9:47 pm
amother [ Black ] wrote:
Did you post this a while ago?
Make a list of the actual responsibilities that you get paid for. Drop it on his desk and remind him this is what you're doing. When he asks for a project update, smile and say "I'm busy with #3 on the actual list of things I was hired and being paid for."


nope. Maybe it was aquamarine!

I tried doing this verbally and I literally left to cry in the bathroom and call DH because I was so frustrated. I've emailed him a few times about it. obvious not a whole specific list but nothing like that ever seems to help. He tells me 'understands' and agrees and tells me we are on the same page but then blames me for every darn thing that doesn't go perfectly because he has no patience to put anything into his business anymore. The other day he was doing a job that I basically forced him to do because I told him clearly that I cannot do it. and he commented to me 3 times 'I dont' even know why you made me do this etc etc. huh???!! Dude! its you're business that you opened that you own that you need to put effort into. what in the world do want from me?!
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amother
Firethorn


 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2022, 9:55 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
nope. Maybe it was aquamarine!

I tried doing this verbally and I literally left to cry in the bathroom and call DH because I was so frustrated. I've emailed him a few times about it. obvious not a whole specific list but nothing like that ever seems to help. He tells me 'understands' and agrees and tells me we are on the same page but then blames me for every darn thing that doesn't go perfectly because he has no patience to put anything into his business anymore. The other day he was doing a job that I basically forced him to do because I told him clearly that I cannot do it. and he commented to me 3 times 'I dont' even know why you made me do this etc etc. huh???!! Dude! its you're business that you opened that you own that you need to put effort into. what in the world do want from me?!


Today I forwarded two emails to my boss that he needed to deal with. He called me and asked me what the emails said. I told him to please read them, they're very clear. He said he needs me to explain it. I told him exactly what I was doing which was time sensitive, but he asked me again to explain the emails. There's no way he read them and didn't understand, it was impossible not to understand. He has become so lazy and dependent on me.
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amother
NeonGreen


 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2022, 9:58 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Thank you posters for the validation and good advice!!! really appreciated!!

Leaving is not really an option for me right now. Mainly because of the flexibility I have at the job but few other reasons too.

I'm not really looking to change boss. I'm looking to have him stop acting like this to me for once and for all!

we literally go in circles. Ora43 mentioned to me very boring in telling him what will happen when, or can't happen, good advice! I kinda of do that already...

His response to me 'letting him know' are usually "you always know how to figure it out, I trust you you'll make it work, I know you told me that but it still can't be happening, I know we discussed this and you were taking care of other things but there has to be a way to avoid this-I need you to make sure it doesn't happen again.

and on and on and on...He tells me 'you know how many projects I have waiting for you to take on? what do you want me to do with them? you can't keep telling me you and everyone else are so busy, I can't keep holding clients back, this can't keep happening that we are in this situation.

Umm-so you do them if you need someone to take care of it! what exactly do you want from me??


Here's what I suggest.
Tell him it's not working.
You keep going in circles with nothing concrete.
Come to with a plan and tell him it needs to be implemented by xyz date. or tell him he need to come to with a solid plan by xyz date.
Be assertive
You can do this
Btdt
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amother
Ghostwhite


 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2022, 10:03 pm
I left a job that didn’t leave me feeling good about myself. I’m much happier with my new job.
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amother
Butterscotch


 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2022, 10:04 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
nope. Maybe it was aquamarine!

I tried doing this verbally and I literally left to cry in the bathroom and call DH because I was so frustrated. I've emailed him a few times about it. obvious not a whole specific list but nothing like that ever seems to help. He tells me 'understands' and agrees and tells me we are on the same page but then blames me for every darn thing that doesn't go perfectly because he has no patience to put anything into his business anymore. The other day he was doing a job that I basically forced him to do because I told him clearly that I cannot do it. and he commented to me 3 times 'I dont' even know why you made me do this etc etc. huh???!! Dude! its you're business that you opened that you own that you need to put effort into. what in the world do want from me?!


I'll be the 3rd one to say this is me too! I feel like the young type bosses want to sit back and make money without breaking a sweat that is what leads the 'top' employee picking up a tremendous amount of responsibility.
I ended up leaving as well since it was also causing me tremendous emotional stress and as much as I loved so may aspects of the job I made the hard decision to leave.

If you do decide to stay you have to realize THE BUCK DOES NOT STOP BY YOU!!!
Be a good responsible employee but make sure you have the right boundaries in place. "No I am not working at 11pm at night sorry"
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Jun 28 2022, 10:06 pm
amother [ Firethorn ] wrote:
Today I forwarded two emails to my boss that he needed to deal with. He called me and asked me what the emails said. I told him to please read them, they're very clear. He said he needs me to explain it. I told him exactly what I was doing which was time sensitive, but he asked me again to explain the emails. There's no way he read them and didn't understand, it was impossible not to understand. He has become so lazy and dependent on me.


OMG do we have the same boss?! lol Mine tells me straight out that he has no patience to read them. he tells me the whole day he has no koach for this client, or patience for that one etc but then I always have to have patience and deal with everyone (especially when its not my fault or whatever!!!
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2022, 3:05 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
WOW! good for you!!!
The other day I was so done and was serious about looking for a new job but I can't imagine the stress of starting to prove myself all over again! I'm pregnant and have other kids and have no patience for that...

At a normal job, once you prove yourself, you start to get the benefit of the doubt. For example they assume that if you can't get to all of the tasks, it means there must be too many tasks, not that you just aren't trying hard enough.

Is your current boss ever going to give you that?
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ora_43




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2022, 3:15 am
As for current boss, since he's acting like a toddler, I'd play the "two choices" game with him. You want this shirt, or this one? Or in his case: do you want me to complete the (current) project, or to put that aside and work on the one you have waiting?

If he just keeps whining even then, then I'd try a formal conversation about communication. Basically saying you want to find a clearer way to communicate so that you can focus on the priorities that matter most. Because right now you're worried that things are getting lost in the shuffle. His role in this clearer communication will be to rank every task in terms of its priority.

But ultimately, man, this guy sounds exhausting, and I doubt it's going to change. I've had bosses be wildly off in their estimates of how long things take, but at least they were generally nice about it.
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amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2022, 10:51 am
ora_43 wrote:
As for current boss, since he's acting like a toddler, I'd play the "two choices" game with him. You want this shirt, or this one? Or in his case: do you want me to complete the (current) project, or to put that aside and work on the one you have waiting?

If he just keeps whining even then, then I'd try a formal conversation about communication. Basically saying you want to find a clearer way to communicate so that you can focus on the priorities that matter most. Because right now you're worried that things are getting lost in the shuffle. His role in this clearer communication will be to rank every task in terms of its priority.

But ultimately, man, this guy sounds exhausting, and I doubt it's going to change. I've had bosses be wildly off in their estimates of how long things take, but at least they were generally nice about it.


when it comes to these things. I tell him about issues or things I won't be able to complete and he'll be like 'its fine, don't worry, too bad on the client..." but then I gotta deal with the fallout and when I ask him to help me with responding to an email of an upset client or to notify them of an issue he either tells me one too many times 'this shouldn't' be happening, how can we avoid this? why does this keep happening' and no matter how many times I remind him that we discussed this and he was okay with this he brushes it off and puts it back on me that I should've made sure it didn't' happen and what not.
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amother
Linen


 

Post Wed, Jun 29 2022, 10:56 am
On the meantime get a substantial raise as your responsibilities have increased.
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