Mil gifts makes me feel bad

ora_43

Sun, Jul 03 2022, 8:35 am

If the MIL was posting here, I'd say, ask people what they want before buying things for them. Especially if it's anything that could come across as advice-y (ie related to parenting, home organization, dieting...).

But since it's the DIL, I'll say: the answer to "what is this person thinking about me when they... ?" is almost always "they are not thinking about you." Not in a mean way, just, people are usually at best 90% in their own heads and 10% thinking about the other person, and that's when they're actively trying to see it from the other person's perspective.

Probably all she was thinking was "oh what a clever device, surely my son will like this as much as I do."

Remember too that she's from a different family, which means a different family culture. Some families show love with words, some show love with inside jokes, some show love by picking up little things for each other when shopping. Unless she's openly critical try to reframe as this is how she shows affection for her son and his family (because that's probably really the entire explanation! especially given how your dh just thanks her and takes the gifts. suggests he sees it as 'just mom being mom' rather than as criticism).

amother

Green

Sun, Jul 03 2022, 8:37 am

amother [ Clematis ] wrote:

It’s not normal. And all of you who think it’s an ok gift, you should rethink it before you gift such things next time. Fun kitchen gadgets that are cool or unique household stuff is ok. But hooks and containers will usually be considered annoying or offensive. Aren’t you all glad you now know this information so that you don’t have to accidentally insult someone in the future?

If they're given as a formal gift for a specific occasion, then yes. But as a random I sae this and got it for you? I love it, and many other posters have said they enjoy getting these things as well. I guess you have to know your audience.

amother

Trillium

Sun, Jul 03 2022, 8:51 am

Yes most people (assuming normal majority) do and gift what they like so assume the other person does too.
Like if you enjoy getting texts when sick you may text a sick person who feels the opposite and wants to be left alone.

amother

Milk

Mon, Oct 31 2022, 7:40 am

amother OP wrote:

My mil is constantly sending over helpful little gifts, like storage containers, hooks for jackets, broom racks, etc. I know she is trying to be helpful, but it makes me feel bad like she thinks my house is so disorganized (which it honestly probably is). If she asks me I sometimes say no thanks, but when she offers DH he always takes it, and I feel so inadequate. Should I say something about it to DH? Or just suck it up because it honestly is helpful and she’s only doing it to be nice?

As adult, I would say that she tries to make your life easier. no implications here. I love sharing with friends hacks how to help the house run better. Why think bad about yourself?