Why are some kids so cruel?

amother

Sun, Jul 03 2022, 10:54 pm

I brought my toddler to a shared play space today. My toddler is this sweet little girl, does her own thing. She is very happy and keeps to herself.

Another toddler walked over to my kid and pushed her down.

This toddler’s 6 year old brother said “yay!!! Do it again! Push her harder!”

I told the toddler that we don’t push (for my daughter’s sake I don’t want my toddler thinking it’s good to push) and too my girl to another space and gave her love and TLC.

I saw the 6 year old do the same thing after to other toddlers. Encourage his younger brother to push kids and cheer after.

I just can’t believe a 6 year old can be so cruel. I understand that toddlers sometimes hurt each other and they don’t fully understand. But why would a 6 year old find joy in knocking babies down?

Also, the mom wasn’t oblivious. She was there the entire time and it wasn’t a one time thing. I don’t understand how she was so okay with it…

How can I make sure my daughter won’t do that when she’s 6?

BrisketBoss

Sun, Jul 03 2022, 10:57 pm

Focus on building a strong, connected, and mutually trusting relationship with your daughter. Early childhood sets the stage.

If your daughter does this when she's 6, someone who knows what they're talking about can help you figure out the cause and then what to do about it. Everything depends. This doesn't sound like normal 6 year old but there's a reason he's acting like that and we'll never know because we're missing lots of details.

amother

Midnight

Sun, Jul 03 2022, 11:51 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

In defense of this mother. Some kids have invisible illnesses where they look normal externally (example: diagnosis of ODD or having pandas)
Especially a 6 year old who should know better. There's clearly something else going on and it may just be her terrible parenting but it may also very well be something you can't see.

amother

Cerulean

Sun, Jul 03 2022, 11:59 pm

amother [ Midnight ] wrote:

It’s terrible parenting to bring him to such places and not supervise effectively if he has an invisible illness

amother

Aquamarine

Mon, Jul 04 2022, 12:01 am

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

It’s terrible parenting to bring him to such places and not supervise effectively if he has an invisible illness

It's not terrible parenting. And a child can be properly supervised and still get in trouble.
Don't judge

amother

Alyssum

Mon, Jul 04 2022, 12:02 am

amother [ Midnight ] wrote:

Then she should have been front and center stopping her toddler from pushing kids as the 6 year old encouraged it. There is no excuse for a parent to ever sit quietly while their children hurt others.

amother

Alyssum

Mon, Jul 04 2022, 12:04 am

This is a result of terrible parenting. I don’t usually judge parents but when they ignore their children attacking others I judge them hard. It starts at the top and I don’t wonder why her kids act that way. Absolutely inexcusable to do nothing to stop them.

amother

Tomato

Mon, Jul 04 2022, 12:19 am

I watched a family at the pizza stores recently. The young kids kept shoving his 2 toddler siblings onto the floor. They cried so bitterly it looked like it was a common occurrence.
Something must be with the child but my heart went out for these babies.

amother

Midnight

Mon, Jul 04 2022, 12:20 am

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

It’s terrible parenting to bring him to such places and not supervise effectively if he has an invisible illness

I've stopped judging other people's parenting. May you never know the other side.
(And yes nobody should be hurting anyone)

amother

Papayawhip

Mon, Jul 04 2022, 6:56 am

amother [ Midnight ] wrote:

I've stopped judging other people's parenting. May you never know the other side.
(And yes nobody should be hurting anyone)

I can't like this enough.
the more you experience, the less you judge.

amother

Alyssum

Mon, Jul 04 2022, 7:21 am

amother [ Midnight ] wrote:

I've stopped judging other people's parenting. May you never know the other side.
(And yes nobody should be hurting anyone)

Correct in most cases. But when another child is being hurt and the parent does nothing they can be judged.

amother

DarkPurple

Mon, Jul 04 2022, 7:26 am

amother [ Alyssum ] wrote:

Correct in most cases. But when another child is being hurt and the parent does nothing they can be judged.

Nope, Im sorry.

Im the first one that will bend over backwards if my child (with invisible special needs) would be hurting someone.
But I dont judge anyone anymore .
Iv been through enough to know that its not always blamed on the parents and you can never know what someone is going through.

Chayalle

Mon, Jul 04 2022, 9:03 am

amother [ Midnight ] wrote:

I'm not going to condone the (non)actions of a parent who stands by and allows their 6 year old to hurt other toddlers. No matter what (invisible) illnesses are going on.

amother

Peony

Mon, Jul 04 2022, 10:34 am

amother [ Alyssum ] wrote:

Correct in most cases. But when another child is being hurt and the parent does nothing they can be judged.

If this has been going on all day, sometimes the parent is just so so tired. When a parent has to constantly be separating her child from others and telling off her child for behaving inappropriately or for doing even worse than what he was currently doing, the mother may have been so depleted to intervene at this scenario. I’ve been there and it’s very difficult. And even more difficult because you know people who don’t experience this type of child don’t understand.

amother

Alyssum

Mon, Jul 04 2022, 10:35 am

amother [ Peony ] wrote:

No sorry no excuse. Then take your children and leave. You are responsible for your children and you cannot allow them to hurt others end of story. That's on you as the parent.

amother

Alyssum

Mon, Jul 04 2022, 10:37 am

amother [ DarkPurple ] wrote:

Seriously you are excusing a parent watching children get hurt and doing nothing? I'm shocked that anyone would say this proudly. This is so wrong and messed up.

amother

Yolk

Mon, Jul 04 2022, 10:43 am

Sometimes kids are mean because they can. Its a fallacy that kids are mean to others because they themselves are bullied. That's some weird thing to make people pity the perpetrator instead of the victim.

Sometimes kids who are very socially savvy and very confident can exploit and be mean to kids who are less socially aware or are in some way a little bit different. And their mothers couldn't care less as long as they can sit and schmooze with their friends. Oh, and yes, sometimes the parents are suuucch "special" people who are movers and shakers in the community and do sooo much chesed. So I guess it doesn't matter that their kids are mean to the ones who don't matter. Can you tell I hate my neighbor and I'm somewhat bitter?